A question (page 4)

sundialer

to hear if anyone else had dealt with a similar situation.

joannadandy

I have been in a situation similar to this.

Frankly, the one you have known longer is unavailable, you said so yourself. You are wishing for something that at the moment can't happen. However it's only natural you have feelings for someone who is in your physical proximity. Does this lessen your attachment to the other one...not at all. However, since a relationship on any physical level is out of the question you are just causing yourself guilt and un-needed confusion. My advice, let the distance serve as a reminder. Don't stop caring for this person, but start dealing with reality and the fact that someone near you (a feesible option for romance) cares about you.

I would persue that on a deeper level, and allow the long distance relationship to pass into deep devotion, instead of romantic twinges.

sundialer

was the very thing that led me ultimately to fall in love with the "new" person. But she led me to believe she will not be unavailable indefinitely, just for awhile. It was I who couldn't stand to wait.

How I miss her.

joannadandy

But you're not doing anything wrong...that's what I am trying to point out. The heart is large, it has room for everyone. Don't obsess, just ride it and see what happens...

StinkyPantz

Sundialer be very careful. First of all I do believe that you can love two people. Second if you have never met this other person you probably have her pictured in your mind as being more wonderful than she probably is. Talking online can be a great way to get to know someone, but until you are in their presence you can't know for sure. Just be very careful with your heart.

sundialer

about obsessing. It is difficult, though.

bitter mango

i don't understand why someone who's recently gotten out of a "serious" relationship would dive into another one. sun, i know you're heart is hurting for the online love you lost, but this 'new' lady will be equally hurt if you're expressing deep feelings for her, yet have the same feelings for someone else.

then again what the hell do i know? i ended things a year ago with someone to get involved with a year long online realtionship with someone else. when that relationship "failed" i ended up back with the first guy who now 'has feelings' for some girl online.

i think my point is, i've walked in both sets of shoes. i've had to share and i've been shared. when you divide your heart between two people, or have to share someone's heart with another person things get messy and the entire group gets hurt.

sundialer

Messy is the word. I feel as though, had my online soulmate been willing to just meet me face to face, even for five minutes, none of this would have happened. But she couldn't, or it seemed more likely to me, wouldn't.

I just find myself flipping from righteous indignation to hating myself, and everything in between.

bitter mango

sun, i understand how you feel. ask anyone on this board who knows me well, i have been in the most outrageous of relationships . i know hurt, pain, and the most off emotions. i know extacy, happiness, and the most incredible emotions. and i certainly know what it's like to bounce back and fourth between them all and even feel them at the same time. it's confusing. i appreciate that you could come here and open up, and express these things to us.

as far as the online love... if you have the chance to meet her at any point, please do. you may find that the feelings you had for her would change. i only say this because i've done the whole meeting someone online thing before, and many others here have as well and after discussions about it most of the time the person you know online is very different from the person you meet in real life. it's not always true, but from what i've seen, it's quite common. this is a good artical (just for interest sake)...http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/20...ting/index.html. posted by peaceloveharmony on another forum. interesting quote from the artical..

Like reading a book and then seeing the movie, you don't realize how much you've already painted a picture in your head until you see someone else's vision on the screen. Similarly, it's tough to know how much fantasy you're bringing to the table until you're sitting face to face, and you recognize suddenly that you'd ascribed a whole different set of verbal tics, affectations and gestures to the person in your mind without even knowing it.

The smallest thing about the person can send you spiraling inward, thereby shutting you off from the experience. You felt sure, based on his e-mails, that he wasn't a mouth breather! It seemed obvious, given the flirtatious confidence with which she approached you online, that she didn't have a flabby ass!

didn't mean to turn the topic into another... just helping make a point that's been mentioned here more than once .

Edited by - bitter mango on 16 August 2002 20:0:1

Edited by - bitter mango on 16 August 2002 20:7:32

sundialer

Thank you, Mango. I appreciate your sincere honesty and your time.

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