Friends, may I have your hugs?

sunshineToo

I'm getting married on Oct.13. I only have less than two months to get ready for the wedding, and I didn't have anything ready last week. As you may know I am DA'd. My mom, who is a jw, has been pretty good to me. But yesterday she told me that she will no longer have meals with me. Yes, it was because what the Aug. KM said. She said that I had to go to look for my wedding dress by myself, and that she wouldn't come to the wedding. But when I was leaving my parents' house, she told me that she would like to go to the wedding dress shops.

This morning I called my mom to let her know what time we were going to meet. I had a parent of my students who volunteered to help me out on my wedding. She was supposed to take me to the shops. When my mom found out that we would get to meet around lunch time with her, she told me that she wouldn't go. Because I'm "holding hands with Satan", she just could not go along. So I said, "Well, if that's what you think, then I don't have anything to say. But I love you, mom." Then, she got hostile. "What? You love me? You are saying that you love me? How can you say that?" I really didn't want to argue. So I hung up as soon as I can.

I know that she might still come to the wedding because of other guests; she has to act to show. But I do know that she will shun me. She has shunned me as of today. It is sad because I thought my mom would never do that to me. Because I've been reading many of your experiences, I was somewhat prepared. But it still hurts.

May I have your hugs?

Europe

Of course you can have my hugs, as much as you like;-)

Sorry to hear of your ordeal, life sucks doesnt it?

Try not to let it spoil your wedding though! You know you didnt do anything wrong, love should be unconditional, but obvious it isnt!!

Take care,

*hug*

Europe

ugg

omg...sunshine...that is so awful....yes yes yes,,,,i am giving you the biggest warmest hug with all the love i can send...my heart is just
aching for you....oh my,,,,i wish i could be your mom....my thoughts
will be with you....(((((((((sunshine)))))))))

DakotaRed

(((((Sunshine)))))

It's horrible what this cult does to families. My heart goes out to you and I am saddened to see yet another family being ripped apart by these clowns.

Go to your wedding with your head held high. If your Mom doesn't show, just tell her you are very sorry for her and that you love her. Then, crawl in your new hubbies lap and cry your heart out.

Lew W

Vivamus

((((((((((((((((((Sunshine)))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry your mum has taken such a harsher stand regarding your DA-ing yourself. But despite your mums attitude, do take huge fun in the preparations for your wedding, shopping is great fun no matter what , and shopping for your wedding......well, can't get any better!

Congrats on your upcoming wedding. I wish you all the best and lots and lots of hugs from me.

Viv.

Golden Girl

I think all of us that are still associated with the witnesses one way or another (Family)is waiting to see what happens. From my understanding..they are going to cover it this week at the Kingdom Hall in their Ministry School.

A hug for you...as your special day approaches..don't let anyone or anything ruin it for you! Hubby and I got married in a little house by a one armed Justice of the peace. We have been married 44 years last month! Even tho he is still and inactive JW and I am disassociated JW.. (And Mother in Law is VERY active JW...)

Here's your hug!

Golden Girl.....

Edited by - Golden Girl on 19 August 2002 3:6:17

Beck_Melbourne

(((((sunshineToo)))))

I'm sorry you have to go through this...your mother and mine are sisters in their faith...and together they justify their negligence as mothers due to their love for the 'troof'. It is a sad day indeed when a mother's love is conditioned on their borg mentality...but it is not unique.

I suggest you enjoy your wedding day regardless...you need to be strong...and don't rely on your mother for anything. If she wants to join you on the day, then welcome her as any loving daughter would. But if she chooses not to....don't be hurt...and don't lose heart...just remember that she has borg mentality and she thinks she is doing the right thing. Don't let her thinking block out a happy day for you. Go ahead with your plans not just for the wedding...but for your life in general. I have learnt to never rely on my mother..even in my darkest days I could not rely on her to help me...this has proved to be a good thing...because now I don't need her support to do anything...I am capable of doing whatever I choose to do with or without her. I have not stopped loving my mother, I have just stopped needing her and her love to feel good.

You will be rewarded in time for your independence and for finding the strength to do things without her...and there will be no looking back. It will be her loss, not yours...as you can show your jw relatives that you don't need to be a jw to live a healthy and productive life. You will soon be married and will have a family of your own...and only then will you get to enjoy the benefits of a loving family. May you nurture the children to come the way you wished you had been nurtured...borg free...and with all the love and support they deserve.

So although your mother has let you down, you can learn from it and grow to be a better person. I encourage you to show all those around you that you don't need to be loved by your jw relatives with their terms and conditions...you can do important things without them...and you can do it well...AND...you can still be happy!!

I will be with you in spirit on the day. It will be a stepping stone for the days to come....and just remember - YOU WILL BE HAPPY!! No matter what!!

Beck

DJ

Daer Sunshine,

I was saddened to read how you hurt because of the actions of your mom. Just know that it is par for the course. You handled her just fine, try to continue to treat her in a loving and respectful way. I think that even though you may feel hated, somewhere deep inside your mom knows that she is wrong. Try to never ever argue scripture with her! (LOL, like that works.....) No, seriously just show her your love and tell her that you love her even while she's reading you the riot act. This too will pass...(((((((((Sunshinetoo))))))))))))))

with love, dj

LyinEyes

My little girl was looking at my wedding pictures the other day and asked why I looked so sad. My mom and dad were getting a divorce, they had just been d/f , they each had their lovers with them at my wedding , after I begged them not too. It was horrible.

I wish my hubby and I would have ran away from everyone that day and had our own private wedding. My parents ruined my happy day,,,,but it wasnt all bad, but it could have been alot better. I was so mad at them , and hurt ,that in all my pictures my eyes were huge with tears in them.

The reason I am saying this is,,,,,,, you and your future hubby,,,,have this one chance at a special day all your own,, dont' let anyone take it away from you. I wish I would have stood up to my parents and thrown them out. But I was just barely 18 and didnt know what to do. I still felt in their control.

I just D/A myself a week or so ago, after being a JW my whole life. My mom is gone , and my dad has all these years , acted like I barely exsisted. When I decided to d/a myself ,I knew this would give him a good reason to explain to everyone why he doesnt have anything to do with me. That is fine , I am finished with him. I have been like dead in his eyes for years. I tried hard to share my life with him and wanted him to share my children's lives too. I swear , I did nothing, to make him treat me like this. My story is too complicated to tell right now, but I held on for years trying to please that man, and make him care , to change, to wait for his calls. I wasted too much time on wishing he loved me like I loved him. So now I want to be dead in his eyes, I really hope I don't see him again. I havent told him I am d/a because I am looking forward to seeing how long it will be before he finds out. It will make no difference to me at all. I am almost sure he will never change, and I am not going to take a pity call from him once a year any more.

I am telling you this because if your mom wants to choose being a jw over being your mother first, there is very little you can do about it. It is her choice and you can wish, you can beg, you can hope and it will not change her , until SHE is ready to change.

SO in the meantime,, Sunshine,, live your life,,, please dont waste years feeling it is your fault or wondering why . The simple reason is she is in a cult. I am sure she loves you, just let her make her choice. I hope you smile in your wedding pictures ,weither she is there or not, it is your day not hers.

BTW, I have been married for over 17 yrs and I am saying this all from what happened to me. I wish I could go back , knowing what I do now.

GOOD LUCK,,,,,,,,,,,, and many hugs,,,,,,,,,, I really know how important your mom is on special days like this.. but be happy and dont forget to SMILE

onacruse

((sunshine))

FWIW, you know that your mom still loves you. She's torn apart by this, to be sure. But moms never stop being moms. Heads up!

Wishing you a joyful wedding, and a happy marriage!!!!

Craig

Friends, may I have your hugs?

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