The Complete IDIOTS'S Guide to Become an Apostate

by Victor_E 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • Victor_E
    Victor_E

    1. Ask and elder if he has read Silentlambs website.
    2. Answer at the meetings original comments not the ones you are supposed to quote by rote.
    3. When asked at the doors if the media stories about JW pedophiles are true answer that you know of some.
    4. Have lunch with a dfed person.
    5. Ask other JWs if they have read the latest dirt on JWD.
    6. Have Ray Franzs books on your coffee table.
    7. Attend and participate in Silentlambs march.
    8. Give away literature and never pay for it yourself.
    9. Go back to college and develop critical thinking abilities.
    10. Tell elders you are in therapy to deal with issues created by the religion.
  • Double Edge
    Double Edge

    Great list. Not a bad idea, giving lurkers ideas on how to 'transition' out. How about "wearing a cross"? Would that get you kicked out? (I've never been a JW)

  • SYN
    SYN

    • Take a large Smurf doll to the meeting.
    • Listen to music other than Kingdom Melodies.
    • Ask questions during any study.
    • Wear something a little different to the meetings, like a poncho.
    • Have an exciting sex life (They can't stand that!!!)
  • larc
    larc

    In December, wish everyone at the hall a Merry Christmas. Send birthday cards to the elders. Bring coloring books to the meeting, for your kids.

  • Elders_Kid
    Elders_Kid

    Here's a good one that worked for me....

    Make out with an elder's daughter after a meeting one night. She will feel guilty and spill the beans, and you will be the one to get into trouble for it.

    EK

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    Ask questions. That's why i was dfd.

    SS

  • Jesus Christ
    Jesus Christ

    * Start a blood drive in your congregation.
    * Make out at assemblies.
    * Talk about how you can see the nipples of the cold sisters who just got baptized.
    * Make phone sex calls during a meeting.
    * Give out copies of "Crisis of Conscience" with literature if you work at the counter.
    * Play more "interesting" music if you're working the sound booth.
    * If you're a microphone handler take it with you to the bathroom and "pleasure" yourself, loudly.
    * If you're not a microphone handler go to the bathroom and "pleasure" yourself, loudly.
    * Bring Darwin's "Origin of Species" to the book study and ask if you can study that instead.
    * Wear a very slutty dress (even better if you're a man).
    * Flirt with married elders (even better if you're a man).
    * Put a flag sticker on your car windshield.
    * Put a flag on the Kingdom Hall.
    * Light up (whatever you like) during a meeting.
    * Giggle often during a judicial committee
    * Bring your pet monkey who likes to fling poo to any JW function.
    * Go out in service drunk.
    * Give a talk about any issue with older information and then explain that you wrote your talk based on older literature.
    * Tell them which websites you found that literature on.
    * Get "Star Trek" and "Distict" conventions confused.
    * If you're a farmer who owns asses (as in the four legged animal that you can ride) talk about all the great ass you just got.
    * Break dance to Kingdumb Melodies.

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    I am LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think I can think of anything eles to add!!!!!!!!LOL

    I seriously thought of this one,,,,,, one of the elders lives on the hwy and has to past the local Pentecost church . I thought of parking by big black truck on the side of the parking lot , so it can not be missed. That would really send em talking. I also like putting the Flag on the truck, the House, and any shirt I choose to wear.

    IF you are d/f or d/a ,,, wait catch some of the witnesses that might be at the local wal-mart or shopping center, and as they are speaking to a "wordly" person, go up and say hi and with a big smile. Interesting if they will walk off, ignore you , or just say hi to save face.

  • Double Edge
    Double Edge
    Bring coloring books to the meeting, for your kids.

    You've GOT to be kidding. I've attended some churches where kids are quietly coloring...you mean to say even that is against the rules? Scheeeeesh

  • SYN
    SYN

    Double Edge: Yes. All energetic, bright little kids are legally allowed to do in the Meetings without getting the **** beaten out of them is to sit and stare at the platform or their books like Zombies. What a wonderful, caring religion, expecting kids to have 2 hour attention spans. Hell, it's hard to find adults with attention spans that long

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