It really burns me up that they want to try to have a relationship with my child, yet I am their child and they want NOTHING to do with me. That makes me wonder if when my child is old enough, will they treat her the same way if she makes her OWN choices???
WG, sorry I do not have any revolutionary solutions for you, but you just nailed EXACTLY what Im experiencing with my family. My mom sounds very similar to yours, and my dads a non-believer but ALWAYS supported mom in forcing us to be JWs. Hes also made me sick with holding my holier-than-thou MOTHER up as the object of selflessness, when in reality, I know shes not. Hes been bambozzled by her JW claims of goodness all these years, and because Ive never really accepted it, never liked service, meetings, etcs., Im selfish.
I feel exactly the same way YOU feel about your parents trying to have relationship with your daughter when they treat you like CRAP. I just explained exactly that thing to my JW sister, who wants to be there to celebrate the birth of my next child, but at the same times wants to shun me. Its a long, long story, which I wont go into here.
But, you know, I think whats happening here is that BOTH of us are so angry with what happened to us as kids, all the deprivation, the abuse (I wasnt sexually abused, however, thats got to be brutal for you), the singling out as different from everyone else, the never measuring up to perfect JW standards.were still hurting. And we DONT want to see our children hurt in the same way. When mom comes in and starts making it look like shes wonder grandma, or whatever, or makes it appear that SHE knows whats best for our kids, its the same old replay. Were older, wiser, and have managed to separate ourselves from the JW sickness, but we cannot help but see our situation through our childrens. We dont want what happened to us to happen to them. And, as sick as my mom is in that religion, I would not put it past her to try to make her grandchildren into what her children could have been. I know my mom has talked about secretly studying with children (when I was a JW), so I am VERY leary of her intentions.
Im a bit lucky in this situation, because I honestly dont think my mother has a lot to offer my son and about-to-be-born daughter. I really dont. Sounds harsh, but Im so sick of her being held up as a holy person that I think she needs to be brought down to earth. And I think she sucked in many ways as a mother. Had she failed to try to shield me from sexual abuse and then claim I was lying, I REALLY would worry. Not only for myself but for my child. Im also lucky if you can call it that, in that my son has not developed a very close relationship with his grandmother: there has always been a distance.
Anyway, just trying to let you know I understand, even if I do not have the answers. Children are SO innocent and trusting. When you hear her talk about her grandparents, I know its hard. But my guess is that it bothers you FAR more than her. Shes not privy to all the treatment you had growing up, and if she WERE, she wouldnt be able to do anything about it anyway, as a child. She'd probably accept their behavior as normal.. All you can do is to try to protect her. And protect yourself. And trust your instincts.
Again, I think Id think about exactly what limits you would like to set in this relationship. Or even if you WANT a relationship at all. It IS your call. I think it bugs your parents (particularly your mother) to no end that you have control in a situation that she does not. JW's feed on control, and they clearly don't have it with you.
