"Enter into your interior rooms and shut your doors behind you. Hide yourself for but a moment until the denunciation passes over." -- Isaiah 26:20
I may get a visit from the P.O. :(
by crownboy 31 Replies latest jw friends
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tdogg
I was in a very similar situation before I could move out of my parents house. Luckily we had recently moved to a very weak congregation where it was easy to avoid any direct confrontation. Many from my previous congregation tried to rally me back to acceptable levels of participation.
I think you are on the right track with the work thing. Try to avoid any private meeting as long as you can and nod your head and smile when you finally get cornered, but dodge any specific actions they may recommend. Be aware that these tactics will cause stress in your life. This should only be a temporary measure untill you can move away from the situation. Then you will be able to unburden yourself from your nessesary pretenses, and it will feel soooooo good to be free.
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mustang
Everybody has had good thoughts (one in particular, later).
However, be careful NOT to have these conversations with TWO of the blackbirds in suits. Get real sick or something if that happens. Leave RIGHT NOW IF TWO OF THEM CONFRONT YOU.
SAY NOTHING or as little as possible: I did that, after quitting pIONEERING for years. I just listened, shrugged, nodded and SAID NOTHING!!!! You can do that until they dont know what to do.
"Anyway, do NOT tell them what you really think. Either try the above, or just sit there and say "yes sir, no sir, three bags full"....and just continue on the way you are. In two years you'll be out of there and that'll be that." I did it for longer than two years.
(I was actually threatened by a rough, soon-to-be Elder. I just shrugged, "took it in stride" and left town about a year later. I "got rid of" them!!!)
Work "works" wonders. I went on NIGHT SHIFT!!! Gee, you might as well take me off the TMS. I had just moved several thousand miles. I moved again after going on night shift
CREATIVE APPROACHES:
mann377s approach IS ONE FOR THE BOOKS. I have to hand it to him. If thats what it takes...
Along those lines:
The "Ive been stumbled" routine is a good thought. Ive wondered about doing that one. Tell him that its "too dangerous to reveal anything, it will get someone in trouble" and that "everybody in authority is just plain vindictive and all are afraid of them". If he pushes it, tell him its one of the Elders. Then clam up tight!! If he really gets on your case, tell him its him!!! That could be interesting.
I have thought in recent years (been 30 years since I went through what you are doing) about answering them with something totally off the subject and never going back to their conversation train. I do really technical stuff, so I would ask them how to design a "switch mode regulator", for instance. (Make sure your inquisitor IS a wINDOW wASHER and not a Design Engineer, for instance.) Be sure to talk about something they have no clue about. They will eventually give up on you, but perhaps write you off as LOONY Just do NOT GIVE THEM A STRAIGHT ANSWER.
"I need a new stereo; how about a loan"? I think this one is under used. So, you endure the lecture on materialism. "OK, got it. Now about that loan..."
Mustang
Clam Up class
Edited by - mustang on 24 August 2002 2:5:11
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sunshineToo
Wow, you guys are too good of influence!
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Jesus Christ
Lie. Lie. Lie. Those bastards have absolutely no authority over you unless you give it to them. They're always going on about how they can lie for "theocratic warfare" so why can't you? Unless you have a small child your highest priority is yourself, not them, not the WBTS. Do what YOU need to do make life easiest for YOU. If need be I also liked the stop bathing option.
As for the whole period bit, I know a certain mortal (not me of course) who when in high school would attempt to get out of classes all the time by saying HE (as in a male, person with a weenie) was either having menstral cramps or his ovaries hurt. Amazing thing was every once in a while the teachers would actually cut him some slack or at least let him go down to the nurse's office (well, that's where he said he was going anyway, naughty boy that he was usually heading off with a member of the opposite sex to better understand her opposite parts).
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ronin1
This may be a way of them wanting to trump up any charges or accusations against you or to pressure you to come back to the meetings.
Since you are not in a financial position to be out on your own:
Listen politely.
Tell them you appreciate their concern in your spirituality.
Tell them that your schedule does not allow you to
attend meetings on a regular basis.Do not tell them any of your thoughts on the organization. The minute you do, they will want to
disfellowship you and that will cause problems in
your household with your family and you may find
yourself out on the street with no place to live. The
elders are very wicked and have been wicked in convincing
parents to kick out of their homes disassociated or
disfellowshiped children.Suggestion: Until you can be out on your own, you may want to maybe once or twice a month just go to the Sunday meetings to keep peace.
Hope this helps.
Ronin1
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sunshineToo
(GASP) J.C., you are telling him to lie????????????
Does your dad know about this?
If he doesn't, maybe we can have a business talk.
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mustang
Has anyone ever been DF'd for not taking baths? or for being a nut-case???
Mustang
Inquiring Minds Wanna Know.... class
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expatbrit
Hello Crownboy:
As a fellow "fader" I can certainly identify with what you're going through. Fading is a very difficult process, like a real-life chess game.
I think you may be doing things in slightly the wrong order. Proceeding to the fade before having your bases covered.
You mentioned that you are still living at home with your parents. This is a serious weakness in your armour, because it means you can be held financially "hostage" by your parents. Don't go along with the "Truth", and they could kick you out and make your life generally intolerable.
This is an area that I think you need to correct before proceeding any further with your fade. In the meantime, if there is no easy way to postpone/cancel this meeting with the PO, it may be an idea to unfade just enough to keep him and your family off your back. Go to a few more meetings, do a bit of field service. Become "weak but tolerable". (Don't get reconverted, or I'll find you and beat you up ).
In the meantime, work on making yourself financially, physically and emotionally independent. Once this is accomplished, you have a much stronger position to do the fade.
Best wishes whatever you decide to try.
Expatbrit
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crownboy
Thanks for the replies so far, guys.
I definitely cannot use the menstural cramps excuse, being a guy and all .
I don't really plan on telling them much of anything, alot of your thoughts were in line with mine (except for the no baths thing ). Someone asked about my age; I'm 20, and half way done with college. Being indirect about this issue shouldn't be too hard, since I've been doing it with my parents for some time now. You guys seem to indicate that blowing off the elders "counsel" should be pretty easy, I'll definitely try my best to do so .
I'm pretty sure my parents would not actually kick me out over this, but my life would obviously be lot more difficult. Plus, I'm pretty sure if I did tell my parents how I felt, the first thing they'd do is go to the elders to get me "help", which is something I would totally like to aviod.
And for the person that suggested it, I already do go to at least a couple of meetings a month, but almost never more than once a week (last week I had zero, so I'll make an appearance at tomorrow's).