Haven't been on this site since fall of last year. I was very active in spreading awareness and getting information to help me cope with the fact that my mother cut off complete communication with me as of Jan 2014, but I guess too much of a good thing was too much for me to handle. I ended up getting panic/anxiety attacks. I went to the hospital 5 times in October, 3 of those times via ambulance as I thought I was having a heart attack. At the advice of drs, I sought help from a therapist, and although it helped control my attacks, it didn't really help with the shunning perspective as it seemed more and more clear the topic of shunning was way over this therapists head. She suggested I find a group that had similar experience like mine that could relate to me and offer solutions as to what helped them. Fast forward to today, I'm 4 months pregnant and have had an attack twice in the last 6 months, but I can't take any prescribed medications. The dr asked me to maybe try and pin point the triggers and so far....looks like it stems from anytime I read or respond to a JW rant about how I"m wrong and they are right. Or it could be an article in the news talking about cults. Anything that is remotely related to JW's gets my blood boiling and I react. I feel really stuck and upset that I always said I was not going to let the Watchtower have an emotional hold on my feelings and space in my head but it seems like they are winning. Anyone else go through this??
Life after JW
by bsand20 15 Replies latest jw experiences
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Bonsai
I go through it to a lesser extent. Forget the crap behind and move forward to your beautiful life ahead! You are gonna have a baby! That is such wonderful news. Now you have a chance to teach your child what real and unconditional love is. -
jhine
Bsand20 , you have my heartfelt sympathy ,what an awful situation
I have never been a JW so I cannot help with this , but I am sure that you have the love and best wishes of everyone here .
Jan
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DesirousOfChange
I just get nauseous (fortunately no anxiety) when I'm around JWs and one (or more) of them starts spouting off gooey sickening JW crap. It's always a "facepalm" moment that there are such f*cking delusional people out there.
For example, they see "Jehovah's hand in it" when they sell off everything to move "where the need is greater", but when they fail in just a few months and fall flat on their ass and have to move back and live with family, they see "Jehovah's hand" blessing them here.
WTF?
But I will admit to some "panic" when I think of the Eldubs "catching up with me" for my apostate attitudes. Still trying to keep connections with family, but I have trouble with holding my tongue in the above situations. It's gonna catch up with me someday.
Doc
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John Aquila
The dr asked me to maybe try and pin point the triggers and so far....looks like it stems from anytime I read or respond to a JW rant about how I"m wrong and they are right. Or it could be an article in the news talking about cults. Anything that is remotely related to JW's gets my blood boiling and I react. I feel really stuck and upset that I always said I was not going to let the Watchtower have an emotional hold on my feelings and space in my head but it seems like they are winning.
You just pin pointed the triggers that cause you distress. You need to stay away from the triggers-JW RANT- that upsets you until you get to the point where you can handle the jw rant. Start filling your mind with anything not related to JWism.
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PaintedToeNail
bsand20-8 years ago I was pregnant and having panic attacks and was told 'no anxiety meds'. It was so bad, I asked them if they could take the baby early-no they could not-you will just have to deal with it they said. And so I did. The panic and anxiety attacks are very frightening. Has your therapist given you any coping strategies? Can your ob/gyn suggest anyone else that you can be referred to, such as a psychiatrist? You may need someone more that a therapist to get you through this stage. Try not to watch any kind of news, avoid places where JW's are, including this site if it is going to upset you. Try reading Jim Rohn, Darren Hardy, some of the other self-help gurus, they may help you get your emotions into check.
Hope this helps. May you have a healthy pregnancy.
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bsand20
I could try and stay away from sites like this, which I have done for months, but I still get the knocks on my door on Saturdays, the convention hall for the Jw's is literally 3 miles from my home, and then there's my mom, who comes up in conversation with my brother and dad who I try to keep in touch with since they are not JW.
I should point out I've actually been Df'd for 16 years and everything was fine until my mom was pressured to shun me to last year. More than anything, the panic actually stems from rage. Anytime I see a JW preaching, or literature, or a convo comes up about them, my blood boils. It's not that I'm afraid, but angry.
I came back here since no one else can understand what I'm saying. Growing up it was like I was a freak show compared to all the other kids. There were catholics, christians, mormons and jews in my neighborhood, and they all thought I was weird...I mean I was, I was a JW, but still. No one else that hasn't been a JW can relate to me and its hard to get some support from friends who have no idea what that life is like.
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FayeDunaway
<3
i'm sorry this is happening to you. Your mom is a victim. Her mind is being controlled. Try not to take it too personally. Keep that in perspective. It is also her huge loss she won't get to be close to her grandbaby.
Concentrate on your baby. You're going to give it the wonderful childhood that you never had. Don't let anything else get in the way. Something got in the way for you, but you are stronger than your mom, and you aren't going to let that happen to your child.
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Iown Mylife
Hi! Congratulations on your new little kid!
I'm a grammaw age 62, joined the cult over 30 years ago when my youngest daughter was 5. So i have been through a lot of crap with the whole outfit, from nearly every aspect.
Sounds like you did well getting yourself into some counseling. But like you say, sometimes those therapists are not able to understand the way JW-ism works.
The best thing for me was when I understood the power of mind control that the organization holds over the members, and that with time and help, I could get de-programmed. It's like flushing toxins - a little at a time.
I found this forum and began to read a lot. I used Search and looked up lots of different topics people have written about from years back. There are so many subtle things about the programming and brainwashing used by the cult that shocked and astonished me. I found lots of people who had been through the same things, and worse, that my family and I had. I began to understand that mind control totally affected my thinking and all my decisions, whether important or not.
Also you can find a lot of references like Steve Hassan books on cults and mind control, and recovering from cults. Anyone who leaves a cult needs to be de-programmed - that's what I've read and my personal experience has proved it to me.
You can get better and better, and stop the WT cult from impacting your emotions and your life, but it does take time. Even though it's been a long time since you were df, if you haven't been working on de-programming, it's like you never left. Especially with your mom being involved.
Love and best wishes to you.
Marina
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dubstepped
Put a No JW sign on your door, tell your family not to discuss your mom for now and ask them to respect that boundary, drive a different way around the meeting place, and stay away from all JW sites and articles. Focus on the baby and later you can come back to this. If need be, go talk to a therapist about your mom and what happened there so that you can work through it safely. The anger will subside as you deal with the pain and hurt behind it.
