Advice Needed - JW Grandparents (page 3)

What Now?

Outlaw - That is exactly something I picture in my head! Can you imagine the effect that would have on a small child??

OUTLAW

Outlaw - That is exactly something I picture in my head! Can you imagine the effect that would have on a small child??.....What Now?

Yes I can..

JW Grand Parents will have No Problem trying to Tear a Family Apart..

I`ve Seen It 1st Hand..

.

We "Broke Up" Our Adult Childrens Family ..

........................FOR JEHOVAH!..

...... Image result for Grandparents ................. Image result for Broken family

Parents are the ultimate authority on how their children are raised, barring abuse or neglect. The OP doesn't like nor want all the proselytizing going on, and from the description, there's far too much of it. jeehova this, jeehova that, enough already! There's exposure and then there's saturation. Unfortunately with the JWs, it'll be full-on saturation because that's the way they roll. It's nice for kids to be exposed to different ideas and lifestyles in order to teach them tolerance and respect for others but the JWs don't do tolerance or respect for different ideas and lifestyles.

But take the religion aspect out of this for a moment and it boils down to disregard for the OPs parenting decisions. That is blatant and arrogant disrespect.

I don't believe in elevating grandparents to some mystical pedestal and having my authority & beliefs disrespected. Respect is a two-way street - you respect me, I'll respect you.

Quarterback

Put yourself in your parents shoes. You left the religion, not them. They want a relationship with their grandchildren, and it sounds like you want that too. Your children will see the difference and learn tolerance. In 18 years from now things will change in the JW faith. If you cut the children off right now, who knows how many years will be lost due to a crazy rule. Enjoy the loop hole that now exists, and set liveable groundrules.

TheListener

My kids are bored stIff when they attend any witness function. They used to go regularly but as they got a bit older they've stopped all meetings and only go to one day of the DC/RC so mom can show them off to her witness friends. The oldest knows it's a cult but the others just find it boring and irrelevant and they've told me the videos are really simplistic and waaaaay over acted and preachy.

I do not bad mouth my wifes choice of religion but I ensure the kids have both sides of the matter and I've let them choose for themselves how much dub activity they will have - which is virtually none. But the dub robot fear is always in the back of my mind.

Daniel1555

I think it is great that you have a somehow good relationship and that you were strict with your "package deal."

I think it is important, that the grandparents have a good relationship to their grandkids, even if it means that they hear from time to time jw propaganda.

If you for example forbid free speech in those relationships I think this would backfire.

Make sure that your kids learn to critically think for themselves. Teach them that many people believe in differemt things, different gods or no god at all, and that's all right. Show them that before truly believing something it is good to look at the facts from various sources.

Tell your kids that they are free to change their belief a thousand times and that you love them unconditionally no matter what they believe.

If they come with a jw or bible story like "Noah's ark" you could ask them. "What do you think about this story? Why did Jehovah bring the flood? (Because people were evil). Hmm... do you really think all people were evil? And what about the little children, babies or grandmas and grandpas? And all the animals? Did the cute little cats (or choose an animal you child likes) really deserve to die a horrible death? And by the way, how did they all fit into the ark? .......

Be prepared to discuss with your kids like that about different bible stories (maybe check the bible story book, there are many questionable stories that show how cruel Jehovah is).

Something similar could be discussed with the theme armageddon.

Some great ideas how to help your child think critically and becoming a freethinker, breaking indoctrination you find in the book "RAISING FREETHINKERS - A PRACTICAL GUIDE FOR PARENTING BEYOND BELIEF." This book is a real jewel.

You can be glad, that your kids are growing up with you, who left this cult. In my situation it is more difficult to counteract the indoctrination as my little son lives mainly with my uber dub jw exwife and I see him 2 or 3 days all 2 weeks. But even like this I think I am managing quite well to teach him critical thinking skills. He is 2 years and 8 months and he learns so much and understands most what I tell him. So he recently came and said the name jehova. He thought I would be happy to hear him say that. I didn't react negatively. But at another instance I explained him that mummy believes in jehovah and I don't believe that our heavenly father is jehovah. Some believe in Allah others in no god. And that's allright. We can believe different things. Even as young as he is he seemed to understand, and that it is more important that papa or mama are kind and loving to him.

Concerning praying. Before the meal (especially when my parents are there) I say. "Let's just have 30 seconds of silence. This is just a very personal moment for everyone to think of something nice and beautiful or for thode who wish to say a silent prayer.

I wish you a happy family life with your kids AND grandparents.

fiddler

Everyone's comments have been great but one thing I have been thinking while reading this thread is about how respectful YOU have been. You don't bring up questions or say things against the organization. Is there a way to respectfully ask that they show the same consideration to you and keep the religious (or however you want to phrase it) talk turned way down. The Bible stories are of mature subject matter and not appropriate for small children because it gives them nightmares or something like that. How did those stories sit with you as a kid? I know that even when I was a JW I did not read Bible stories to my kids for story time. I felt, even then, that they were too harsh.

I am also on the other side of this fence in that I am the exjw grandmother and am completely cut off from my grandson who is 4 1/2. My daughter never even gave me the chance to hammer out some rules about what things I could not discuss with him. All I wanted really was to hold him and take him to the park and buy him ice cream and stuff like that. I have been collecting Brio toys for him in hopes that some day before he's too old he can come to grandmas house to play with them. Can't let go of hope...It's never a two way street however with JWs is it? It's 'my way or the highway'.

PS: I do have a granddaughter and another on the way with my other kids out of the religion so the train set won't go to waste!

FayeDunaway

Whew, thank goodness for your postscript, fiddler!!

It is so sad how, if the parents are disfellowshipped, the witness grandparents can choose to see the grandkids if they want, and work their way around it, and the disfellowshipped parents usually happily comply, because they want as much inter generational contact as possible for their kids.

But if the GRANDPARENTS are disfellowshipped, no way are they getting to see their grandkids. :( (flipper im hoping your daughter will be an exception!!)

Witnesses always get to call the shots. Who gave them the right to be in this position? Oh yeah, because somewhere along the way someone in the family was baptized, probably from social pressure. Change your mind, lose your family.

jean-luc picard

I havent read all the posts,so maybe its already been said:

they will try to get your children on their side, and then, the logical goal is to get your own children to shun you.

Not today, or tomorrow, but sometime in the future.

"If you love your mum and dad, then you should shun them..."

Then you will be the ones with no body. Yes thats how loving they are in this cult. And they will be able to justify themselves too.

The Searcher

You can't be backed into a corner and forced to make the "lesser-of-two-evils" decisions. If I was in your situation, I'd have a quiet word with the grandparents, to reassure them of your desire for all in the family to have love & association with each other. However, they must remember that you are the children's parents - not them - and that their training and upbringing is your responsibility - no one else's! (Proverbs 22:6) "Train a boy in the way he should go; Even when he grows old he will not depart from it."

As such, it's your obligation to correct any wrong ideas or dogma which anyone is using to try and influence your children's minds - if these conflict with how you as their parents are trying to nurture them. To prevent any misunderstandings/conflicting thinking in the children's minds, it would be appreciated if they (the grandparents) didn't speak of their personal religious beliefs to the children - which will then have to be dealt with by you.

Advice Needed - JW Grandparents