MOST PEOPLE NEVER REALLY CHANGE (page 3)

IslandWoman

Minimus,

This board reflects who we really are and what we always have been.

Whether people change or not, I'll leave for others to debate. But I must disagree with the above statement.

This board does not reflect who I really am. In real life I am a sweet, quiet and submissive woman. I never raise my voice, never use bad language and I never, ever disagree with men! Men are the best thing since artificial sweetners!

While darning my husband's socks the other night the realization came to me that my posting style did not reflect the real me. Thanks for this opportunity to tell the board that IW is really a Mother Theresa in drag.

Sincerely yours,

IW

Larry

Interesting - I love these cranium questions :)

I think we basically don't change after a certain point - What changes constantly is our circumstances and our level of courage. Circumstances presents an opportunity to have courage to act out our real desires. People may say we changed, but we always had it in us - It just took the right circumstances and courage for it to manifest itself.

Peace - LL

QUEENIE

DITTO except I hear one gets worse as one gets older...I wonder what Randy Watters has to say about this issue?? QUEENIE

LDH

Queenie,

Why don't you just ask Randy to marry you and get it over with?????

PS, I agree with Dan and Ho Chi Minh. Plus, I have really mellowed over the past eight or so years. Before, if you looked at me wrong, I would kick your ass.

Now I'd let you look at me wrong TWICE before I'd kick your ass, LOL.

larc

So, LDH, you changed a little, but not all that much. As I said before, basic behavior does not change.

Valis

Perhaps we should take a moment to remember that behaviour and personality are two different things. Our personalities are manifest by our behavior. When you're a good little dub you may have the to potential to behave in ways that would reveal more of your personality, but do not because of external control. Because certain other personality traits, whether they are learned or not, are repeated over and over again, especially when a dubbie, a lot of or personality is repressed. Some of it never to be regained, which IMO is why so many suffer from depression. Been there and done that! The attempt to "regain" personality so many times ends with disappointment. The philosopher Popeye once said..."I am what I am!...Now pass the spinach..." I think the personality of an individual is there, and will never change itself, but one's behavior cetainly does based on physical environment, mental stimulus, and personal relationships w/others. Just my opinion...no scienctific studies to quote, no hard evidence, only experiential evidence and my observation.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Lost Diamond

Valis,

I am totally on your side with this one! I feel a lot of our true personality was repressed because of the control we were under. Since I have left I have seen how my physical environment, mental stimulus, and personal relationships have contributed immensely to what I am now since I have left the WT. I feel as though I am free to be who I really am without the guilt or frustration.

This is not scientific, just personal experience.

xenawarrior

I do believe that people change. Our belief systems shape who we are and then how we behave in order to sustain those belief systems. Every time there is a change in our belief systems there is also a change in us - good bad or indifferent depending on the belief all that is supporting.

If you look at a person who suffers from poor self-esteem, they will behave in a certain way out of that lack of self esteem. Underneath all of that is a belief system which tells that person perhaps that they are unworthy or unlovable or whatever might be there inside them. This belief may have been established throughout their years by the words and deeds of others and later reiterated by messages they learned to send to themselves about their own worth. This is what they believe. And out of that belief they may behave critically of themselves and others. They may be angry or depressed etc. And all of this reinforces the original belief system underneath it.

If this person changed their belief system about their own self-worth through whatever means they might need to; there is a new one in it's place and a new set of behaviors to support that new belief. Instead of playing the old tape to themselves over and over again that they are unworthy, they write over that tape and play a new, more positive one. And when their belief system changes- their behavior, words and their whole physiology changes with it. They may be less critical, more open, more confident, less depressed etc. They may even walk with a more confident gait. And the more their behavior changes the more the new belief is reinforced. And there you have change.

The type of change I've described is for the positive. It can also be for the negative. Think about the changes a person could go through beginning to study the JW faith. This may be a major belief change for them and the entire system is designed to provide constant reinforcement of that belief- and to keep you there. In this case it's fear and guilt and a host of other very negative reinforcements. Many folks have changed for the worse with this indoctrination.

People can change and they do. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so he becomes"

My 135 cents

XW

minimus

Let's put it this way. If you were an emotional person, because of your makeup,(no not the type you wear),very little can make you change in the fact that you are an emotional person. If you responded with angry outbursts and fists, you can change this behavior.But very few people would be able to say, "I was an emotional person. Now I'm not."......Of course I do believe miracles can happen.

MOST PEOPLE NEVER REALLY CHANGE

Dismembered