Please, I am so upset...I need some hugs...

by Sentinel 68 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  scumrat

  Sentinel,

  I'm so sorry to hear of your pain. I wish that their was something that I can do. I have been through the same emotional roller coaster until I put a stop to it.

  My mom is 74 yrs old and has been in since 1968. It's very hard for me to put her out of my mind. In my travels, I see ladies my mothers age and it makes me wonder what she's doing now. The kicker is.......there are times when I help these old ladies, perhaps at the grocery store or something and I think of my mom. It really messses with your head. But she's under Borg mind control and she doesn't know it. The last time I talked to her, I told her that I'm not a part time son. If she wants a relationship with me, it's either full time or nothing at all. I hated to tell her that but that's what it all comes down to with the Watchtower. That's why that religion is so evil.

  I feel for you.
• 

  Solace

  I wish there was something I could do.

  I cant change my J.W. family either. I can only vow never to put my own children through the same misery I've been through.
• 

  Sentinel

  Expatbrit,

  You are very wise. Everything you say is so true. I knew it was coming. From everything I was reading on the board, I could sense it. But I could never have been prepared. My husband said the exact thing you did, about not letting her get the satisfaction of knowing just how much this hurt me.

  I was strong in my conversation. My husband said he was very proud of me. I realize that JW's allow business matters among family, but my mother wishes all ties to be broken, and so they will be. In a way, I feel if there is going to be a break, let it be a complete break. She no doubt feels the same. I didn't break down until after I hung up, although I could not help but be shaken a bit, and upset.

  Lilacs, Spider: Thank you for your hugs and sensitivity to my pain. Even if the hugs are through email, it still counts for so much with me.

  I hope the borg really falls and falls hard. I hope the government somehow brings them down. There is so much injustice in the world, and of all things to tear families apart, religion should not be one of them. I know I'm not alone. But, when this happens, one just suddenly feels so alone. I guess we are alone, in that we are the only ones who can really do what we need to do for overselves to keep mentally, physically, and emotionally balanced. I will be okay.

  Love,

  Karen
• 

  Mimilly

  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Karen)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  I'm so sorry you have to go through this hon. My mom left when I was Df'd so I thankfully was spared that which you must face each day.

  Wish I was closer to give you a real hug. My email is always open sweetie. Vent. You have every right to be angry and hurt. Just don't let those negative feelings become you ok? We're all here for ya.

  Mim/Salem

  Edited by - Mimilly on 30 August 2002 20:42:3
• 

  Sentinel

  If there is one thing I have learned from this forum, is that we are really a family. We can be the missing mom, or sister, or father or brother. We can fill in the missing spaces in our lives with other real live people who want to be with us.

  Thank you so much scumrat. You are right not wanting to be a Part-time son. I admire you for your fortitude. I know it hurts you a great deal.

  Joy2bfree: LIfe isn't fair. I knew that, but still, I thought I could get through to her so this wouldn't happen. Now it's happened. There is not one blessed thing I can do about it. She is up on her pedestal, and feels she has much power over me. I think I reduced some of her power this evening. I hope so.

  Heaven: When we suffer here, we suffer together. Even though we have never met many of our friends here, we know what the JW experience is all about. I have been trying to be a comforter and a balanced, happy poster since coming aboard. That is me. Now I find that I need all of you.

  Love and Light to you all. We are not alone in our darkest hour, even though at times it might seem that way. Just as it does with me tonight. I wonder why she chose to call me at day's end, instead of calling me first thing this morning. Guess she knew that this is what I would be left with to sleep on tonight. Does she actually believe that this will make me see "the light"....or that by associating with me would bring her down?

  Well, I was able to give her a few things to think about as well tonight...

  Karen

  Edited by - Sentinel on 30 August 2002 20:47:37
• 

  DannyBear

  Karen,

  Your every word drove a stake right deep into my heart, Iam sitting here blubering in my chair.

  Just recently I have established contact with my two active adult daughter's, it been a blast. We have emailed and talked on phone, at least two or three times a week. I have been so pleased.

  So it is that I to have been waiting for the hammer to drop, in view of the latest KM. So far so good, but I could be facing the same dilema.

  Yes we understand perfectly, how evil and sadistic this self-righteous organiztion is. We sympathize all to well with your plight.

  So please accept my Bear Hugs from California....tell hubby the hug is from a 'long lost brother'...I left in 1981 as well.

  Time will heal some of it....but Iam afraid we will carry these Borg scars to the very end.

  (((((((((((((Sentinel))))))))))))) !!!!!!

  Danny
• 

  termite 35

  Please accept some from me too, Karen. Your conversation with your mother broke my heart-how are you feeling now? Well done for keeping your head and getting out the things you said.It must have been really difficult; but at least your mother has some words to mull over and as she loves you that much-they'll be thought of again and again.

  I was going to post a thread about how I was'nt shunned today by a family I was sure would .I suppose even the 'new light ' must be open to interpretation.Perhaps your mother will soften in time,I know it dos'nt sound like it now, but the opinion of others in the congs does count and she may re-think as she speaks about you to others.

  I suppose we all just hope that someone loves us so much that they'll break any rule or restriction to be near or with us-and it's as though we're children again when we're rejected.Many witnesses I knew LONGED to speak with Df'd friends and relatives-but felt duty bound not to.

  I'm so sorry Karen; I hope something will happen to change her mind.

  Hug hug hug hug hug hug hug.
• 

  Farkel

  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ sentinel }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  That is such a tragic story. I can only say that I've been through some of the same. I know that won't make it any easier for you. My mother is 75 and has been a loyal JW for 52 years. I disfellowshiped HER the day after we buried my dad. I'd been warning her for 30 years to stop her mental abuse, but she kept it up even so close to my dad's death and burial. Up until last September 10th, she had flung her bile at me ever since I can remember and that is more than a half-century. Enough is enough. I want no more of her. That is a wholly unnatural way to be and don't think I didn't think long and hard about it before I made my decision to cut her of my life. No need to go into details, but people who know me and know my mother, think it's a miracle I'm not totally insane because of her abuse. Maybe I am.

  Mothers are VERY powerful influences on their children, and in my case my mother knew it and tried to manipulate me with it.

  So I hurt too, but for different reasons. But what we have in common is the heart of the problem. And the very heart of the problem is that dirty, stinking, filthy, disgusting, UNHOLY scam that masquerades as a religion.

  Farkel

  Edited by - Farkel on 30 August 2002 21:52:13
• 

  larc

  (((Karen))), I feel so sorry for you and I feel sorry for myself. We went through the same thing in 1981 with my sister. After 15 years, things got better. However, my wife informed my sister that we will not go through this again. Over many recent years, my sister and I have had regular conversations, but as of now, I will not call her. I don't want to hear the "new light". If she chooses to call me, that will be fine, but it is unlikely. So be it. I wish to thank those who brought the recent KM information to our attention. It has helped me, because I will not call my sister to get the information, and get blind sided by it. This whole thing is very sad, but not unexpected.
• 

  Trotafox

  Aw, Karen, I'm so-o-o sorry sorry to see this happen to you. {{{{hugs}}}}} I hope that God shows the same kind of mercy on the Watchtower as the Watchtower has shown others! What an evil organization.

  Trot