Warped....

by TheSurvivor 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TheSurvivor
    TheSurvivor

    Thank you all for the nice welcome. Yes, it is good to have at least a free mind. I am not completely free yet though. A lot of my family are still Borg, includding my mom who is a hardliner. My wife and kids are also Borg, (as well as my wifes family) but have not been to more than a handful of meetings in the past year due to the way we have been treated and talked about. I guess that I had always been sort of a thorn in their side. My dad was not a witness. He was in WW2 and was highly decorated. (For bravery above and beyond.) He was also a state trapshooting champion. (for years I was a Traphouse brat, I must have seen every gun club in a tri-state area) He was a real outdoorsman. So I was raised on a farm being pulled both ways. I became a brother when I was 16, but my heart was always with my dad. I grew up with a rifle in my hand, joining the NRA High Power competition team. And I taught my sons how to handle firearms also. All my boys can put a round in a fleas rear end at 200 meters.....and they also were taught at a young age the dangers involved. I have also hunted every year since I was a kid. My dad taught me to be able to take care of myself. Are you getting the picture here? You see growing up in the truth, and knowing the "rules" inside and out, lets you play their game better than them sometimes. I knew that although the Borg might not like what I was doing, as long as I held no position (just an ordinary drone) they could not stop me from doing it. Hell after awhile, I did not even care if they knew I had a carry permit. I made it public knowledge that I believed in self defense....even if it meant taking a life to save a life. As you might imagine, this did not exactly make me publisher of the month.

    The bottom line is that my wife still thinks that it is a good organization, (hell, communisum looks good on paper....it just can't be done in the real world, and it is evil) and wants to find that "good" hall. Personally, I don't think one exists anymore. So I'm in sort of in a limbo state. I may never be completely free from the collective. But in my mind, I know that they no longer control me, and that feels very good. Now, I am going to read and reread this post to see if it fits my "plausible deniability" policy. Also, the names have been changed to protect the innocent. <GRIN>

    TheSurvivor

    Edited by - TheSurvivor on 2 September 2002 9:45:34

  • LB
    LB

    You aren't alone here survivor. Lots of us have to tap dance a little because of family members still in the collective.

    But you get to vent and even look for some help around here. I sure have. Welcome.

  • onacruse
    onacruse

    TheSurvivor, welcome!!!

    I was born in 1952, and baptized in 1962, left (finally) in 2000.

    You say: "It is a wonder I can read, or have any social skills at all, with the word "warped" coming to mind."

    I just a couple of days ago posted a similar thread ("Emotionally stunted"). There are SOOOOO many of us here that feel the same way.

    Take heart: the most warped piece of steel can always be re-forged and made straight!

    Craig (of the "now in the metal fabrication" class)

  • gold_morning
    gold_morning

    Hi Survivor,

    I'm gold morning. I come hear and read a few times a week. Once in a while I post. I belong to a couple of support groups for ex JW's.

    I know your feelings. I was raised a JW since I was a little girl. I was a typical JW teenager. You know, the one that pioneers on summer vacations. I married young like most did (maybe they still do) and continued to pioneer. My marriage was a struggle. In the early 80's after a couple of years of "falling away" I was disfellowshiped.

    I spent 16 years away from God because I believed what they told me. That God wanted nothing to do with me anymore and that he would not hear my prayers. I felt even too guilty to think about God. I do know that dispite losing everything and everyone I still thought it was the truth.

    About 4 years ago I just could not stand not having God in my life. I began reading the bible again and counld not believe how different the things I was reading was from what I had been raised my whole life. It was a big struggle!!! More guilt to add to the already hudge lump I had. I don't know why, but I could not give it up. It became a quest.

    Persistance paid off. I now have God in my life again. I have learned that it is NOT A RELIGION THAT SAVES ANYONE. It is just knowing and loving Jesus. I learned that there is indeed a heaven. There is so many scriptures that say so. Where was my head when I was a witnesses. Talk about being blind.

    Anyway, the gist of all this babbling on is this...... don't give up. I do believe it is the holy spirit working in you. I think God has a special place in his heart for ex JW's. After all, many of them had a real desire to get to know God before this false cult got ahold of them.

    Do me a favor and just read the book of John like a good book. Read it without the watchtower glasses on. Though it may seem dumb to try and pray.... get it a shot.

    Don't give up in your quest for answers. If you need to know some of the stuff I found out from the bible or have a question... feel free to e-mail me at [email protected]

    God bless you all. gold morning

  • larc
    larc

    Survivor, you mentioned trapshooting. Did you and your father ever go to the yearly national trapshoot in Vandalia, Ohio, just north of Dayton? Just curious.

  • Joyzabel
    Joyzabel

    Welcome to the board, Survivor.

    This is a place for healing. Stick around, you may start to answer some of your own questions.

    j2bf

  • minimus
    minimus

    Hi Survivor, I really enjoyed your posts. I can relate to you and a few others on this board. I do believe in God. But I have come to the conclusion that the older I get the more I realize how little I know....I look forward to more of your posts.

  • Solace
    Solace

    Welcome Survivor

    I love your username!

    I used to be slightly paranoid too. The whole, "spies are reading my posts" etc. I guess Im to the point now where Im tired of hiding and pretending. In a way, I almost hope they are reading right now.

    HI, J.W. MOM, AUNTIES, UNCLES, COUSINS

  • sOOner
    sOOner

    Yes,Survivor there is a higher power and that BORG tornado is not the only road out of Kansas~

    It may seem a bit dark at the moment but it does get brighter.

    Why I even see those gold sparkles now

    Welcome,you bring much LIGHT to this forum

    sOOner

  • seedy3
    seedy3

    Interesting you say that Survivor,

    I was born in 56, raised in the "truth" (mom and dad were Babtised in 53), got dunked myself in 68 at the ripe old age of 12. I left right around the age of 20/21. Since then I have felt free to research any thing I wanted and one thing I have concluded for myself is that there is no "Almighty God". Not that I object that you or anyone else believes there is, but I chose not to.

    I now consider myself an agnostic Tree hugger (Pagan/Pantheist) I have a very hard time accepting the bible as anything other then a book of mythology to be held in high asteam right with any of the ancient egyption/greek/roman/ect. myths.

    Seedy

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