Hi everyone!!! I am a brand new poster, and I must admit I have a heap of concerns...
First let me start by saying that I am female, 27, and divorced. (My ex was the definition of loser in the dictionary---totally was not willing to be a provider, loved the TV and his mom more than me.)
As I was going through my divorce, I was confiding in a friend at work about all that I was going through...he was also going through a divorce. He completely understood all angles I was coming from. We had an instant bond, and became great friends. This was over two years ago... somewhere in all that friendship, we absolutely fell in love. Neither one of us has ever felt this way...so sad from two people that have already been married - without this wonderful feeling!!!
He is a JW...sorta. Let me explain... He and his first wife (also a JW) were having an affair with each other, she was married - he was not. Because they did not repent, they were both disfellowshipped...The wife became divorced and they moved in together..Now, his WHOLE family is JWs, and he was pretty much NOT communicating with them at all...so in order to make it "right" he married his ex and spent 5 yrs working his way back to being reinstated...(He has since been reinstated, but does not BELIEVE in the way it is run - is only in it to have relation with his family, doesnt go to meetings or door to door) low and behold - she then had an affair on him!! So they got divorced.... which leads to him and I falling in love...
I should mention that I am technically a Catholic. I was a 100% practicing Catholic-- until my divorce. I became kind of bitter with the whole Annulment thing - Why pay $2,000 to have a priest read an essay saying how crappy my marriage was??? God is the only one that can decide that!!! And, as of late, I'm disgusted with the child molesting crap, doesnt anyone practice what they preach anymore??? So i'm not real big on church right now...This is not to say that I'm not big on God... I am very religious, just not ORGANIZED religious... and as far as this whole heaven/resurrection debate goes... it's one or the other and I'd be grateful for either, but we are never going to know which it will be until the time comes, so why worry about it now??? The fact that we are believing in God and Jesus, and that we are carrying out their word, should be all that matters - NOT WHAT WE CALL IT!!!
Anyway...we have been talking about getting married sometime next year, but we just recently stumbled on an AWESOME house and since we do NOT wish to live together before marriage, we started planning our wedding...we are getting married next month!!
In order to make everyone feel comfortable we planned a civil ceremony...I'm even willing to give up my bouquet/garter toss and toast to make his family feel comfortable. I've been more than accomodating... never once did I try to steer him out of JW...the family knows this and loves me for it... In fact, we all get along really well, which is why this is getting so difficult.
We asked his practicing JW brother and sister to be in the wedding. They said yes and were delighted. Then they decided they needed permission from an Elder...so they asked one, he said he didnt see a problem.... then a few months later, another Elder finds out about this and advises the brother and sister that based upon a 1982 March article in the Watchtower - questions from readers--it would be frowned upon (they would not get the boot- just frowned at) for them to stand up in the wedding because they are not supposed to condone him marrying me. BUT - there is no problem with any of them being in attendance at the wedding.... I find this MOST HIPOCRATIC (sp?) and so does my fiance... in fact he is SO upset by this that he is going to disassociate himself for good, no matter what the cost. He knows it is selfish of the family to be only concerned with the frowns they might get....they didnt choose him, so why should he choose them???
The problem is now this... he wants to let them just attend the wedding, then announce his disassociation...just so that they will all be there before they can no longer communicate... I happen to find that as hippocratic as them attending in the first place...but I understand it is his family...
I guess I'm just confused, not really sure where this is going to end up??? The honest truth is that him and I are literally made for each other - the perfect compliment!!! He is wanting to give up his family to be with me, and this makes me feel selfish, but then I remember that he doesnt like the way the organization is run - he does however, believe in some of the beliefs, and knows that he can continue to believe as a non JW....
Should I encourage him to disassociate now, or let him wait? Should I just make myself uninvolved with this decision???
I am just so offended that a family that loves me so much, and WANTS me to marry their son/brother could be more concerned about frowns from fellow JWs than the feelings of their REAL family!!!!!
Please help!! Has anyone had a similar situation????