finally got the nerve

by livingagain 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • livingagain
    livingagain

    I have been reading posts here for several months, which has helped me to keep from going insane. My doubts came when I finally got the nerve to leave a bad marriage, why did i stay so long. Because I was ashamed and really scared of what "Jehovah" would think of me. I felt I would be letting him down, but one day I just said If I get life or not I don't care anymore I have to get out of this miserable marriage, so I packed and left. Hubby knew I had had enough and was leaving so told the brothers and they came over to see us but I had nothing to say to them, treated them nicely but gave no info to them.

    When I got to my new city I had time to surf the net and found this site among others, 1914 lie about knocked me off my feet, then the UN was a blow I couldn't deal with so I called the UN to talk to someone there, I just had to know if this was the truth so had them fax me info letter, you see I felt I couldn't trust what was on the internet.

    Needless to say I am all over the page with my feelings from scared to mad to anxious, I don't have anyone to confide in, still going to the hall but sporadically the last 2 months, can't hardly stand to be there. Was there 3 weeks ago on Sunday and the speaker gave talk on staying loyal to the orginization, said why would you want to go outside because the only true love is in this orginization, i got so mad i started to leave at that moment but managed to hold it together until the end of talk but when song was on i exited, plans was to stay for WT study but couldn't handle it. I just can't take going and faking it often.When I moved here 6 months ago I was still staunch witness, made all the meetings, did my quota in service etc. Now I try to go out of town almost every weekend and work late on meeting nights to have excuse not to go. I haven't been in 3 weeks so I am planning on going Sunday to show my face, they'll all be asking me where I've been that they have missed me. I wish I had known what I know now when I moved here I would never have gone to the meetings regular nad never would have allowed myself to get close to them. Somehow I have got to deal with this, I hate going to the hall with a passion, I just want to slowly fade away and not give away my reasons so as to be D/F/DA. I just don't know how much I can stand. I don't have any friends in this new city, and am scared to make any with "people of the world", boy they have done a number on me. I want to live again after 27 years of someone else doing my living for me.

    Your posts are what I look for on a daily basis, I'm so glad that I found you. Thanks for being here and for letting me share.

    Sincerely, livingagain

  • KKLUV155
    KKLUV155

    Well let me be one of the first to WELCOME You to this site. Glad to have you here.

    kkluv

  • Joyzabel
    Joyzabel

    ((((Livingagain))) welcome to the board.

    hang in there, it was a very dizzy few months as I was reading information about the jws (Crisis of Conscience and In Search of Christian Freedom), but realize you are among people who know where you are coming from and are in various stages of healing. Please feel free to vent, to express anger or whatever. But I strongly suggest you start getting friends in your work place, or around you. Don't isolate youself too much. You need to the support of other humans in person. I know it goes against everything we were ever trained to think, but now you need to learn to think for yourself.

    Please let us know how you are doing.

    j2bf

    Edited by - joy2bfree on 6 September 2002 22:39:18

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Hello and welcome

    I did the slow fade about 3 years ago, which has been reasonable sucessful (so far do good!). Best thing to do is not to give them too much info, just be vague and don't say anything that will lead to more questions or anything that could incriminate you.

    I was raised a JW, and it is scary trying to make new friends etc, but the freedom to live your life and to make your own decisions is very much worth it.

    Feel free to email me if you want to.

  • Prisila
    Prisila

    Livingagain-

    Joy2bfree is an amazing friend, she helped me a lot. Personally I can tell you that most of us here are going through much of the same. There are many stages that follow the exodus from this organization. Listen to your intuition. Listen to your inner voice, trust yourself. I was where you are now a few months ago. Personally I did a fast fade (against Joy's advice) but you have to do what s best for you. Every person's experience is unique but is worthy. Learn the lessons you must learn so you don't get the lesson again.

    You will experience pain, anguish, depression but happiness will follow. Take one step at a time. Don't allow anyone to push you forward or backward. YOU are in control of your destiny. YOU call the shots. Empower yourself . . . go to school, make new friends, take a new hobby. Love yourself, and indulge. Don't feel guilty!!!! Don't give your power to those people . . . YOUDONT OWE THEM A THING!!!

    The most horrible pain I felt came from the fact that I DID NOT HAVE THE TRUTH!!! I was not part of God's chosen Organization. THAT HURT!!! Be strong, I am your friend and am willing to help you. I live in Los Angeles, CA. Email me, look at my profile.

    Hang in there,

    PV

  • nilfun
    nilfun

    Livingagain, welcome!

    You are not alone.

  • mustang
    mustang

    Welcome "out" & welcome to the Forum!!!

    "I don't have any friends in this new city, and am scared to make any with "people of the world", boy they have done a number on me."

    Well, contrary to what you have been taught all this time: Friends are like GOLD - They are WHERE YOU FIND THEM!!! You could find the BEST-EVER FRIEND OUTSIDE of the JWs and the WORST INSIDE!!!

    "I want to live again after 27 years of someone else doing my living for me."

    Best lesson: LIVE FOR YOURSELF!!!! Believe it or not, that is the best advice, even if you stayed in the JWs. Of course, that would have you outta there in NOTHING+1 FLAT.

    "I wish I had known what I know now when I moved here I would never have gone to the meetings regular and never would have allowed myself to get close to them."

    Yup, thats the best way. A missed opportunity and unfortunately, we dont move that often. But, hang in there!!!

    Mustang

  • orangefatcat
    orangefatcat

    living again, welcome to the board you will find some real nice people here that care. many are at different levels of healing. never despair we always have kind words when one needs supports we laugh alot and some of us cry too. but most of all we share and care so once again welcome to our community of friends.

    orangefatcat.

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    [Waves]

  • Swan
    Swan

    t

    WELCOME LivingAgain! t

    This took a lot of courage for you to post and you made it through that, you will make it through what is ahead too. Soon you will realize that you do have lots of friends. I don't know what city you are in, but there are probably people close by who have been through the same thing you are going through. You are not alone. Thousands have been through what you have and have survived. We are here because we are still dealing with these same issues and also because we care about others who have been hurt by the lies. You are welcome here and you are safe here.

    Tammy

    Edited to fix font problems. Tried to post flowers, but it didn't work.

    Edited by - Swan on 6 September 2002 23:38:15

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