Do bad things happen because you leave the JW's

by mamashel 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  mamashel

  Could someone please help me with some suggestions!!

  My family has been out for about 4 1/2 months now. We have been inactive for a few years off and on. When I first came to this board, as most of you know, I was so terrified I was afraid to speak. Now after so many sharing their stories with me, I have much boldness in what I really feal about the org. Well I have a 17 years old daughter, and we are very very close. She was still attending the meeting for a little time after my husband and I left. Well she met a guy from another hall and they started liking each other. Well, one thing led to another and she is now 7 months pregnant. She no longer goes to the meetings, and he has been inactive for about 2 months. She has NO desire to ever go back to the hall, but she is very very afraid that the crazy things that are going on in her life right now are because she is not going to the meetings. Her boyfriend really upset her last night and says I am trying to make her an apostate (damn straight I am). He doesnt go to the meetings either, but says he will go back one day when he is ready, and believes it is the truth. I need some suggestions as to what to tell her. See she really believes she loves him, but I told her if he is going to try to control her into going to the meetings with him and control her into believing what he believes, then she will be misserably unhappy.

  Oh, and heres the real kicker, the elders called him on the phone the other day and were asking all these probing questions about their relationship, and encouraging him to "do the right thing", which would be to marry her. Well she says she is not ready for marriage yet. Only 17 remember.

  I dont know what to do, she is terrified to make any decisions about religion and about him. I feel so badly for her, I cry all the time. She says she is going crazy not doing anything spiritually. I understand how she feels, because I want to do something as well, but I am so bitter, it is hard for me to give her advice.

  Could someone please help. Thanks for listening.

  Shelley
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  scootergirl

  (((shelly))) You sound like a good momma! I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you and your daughter (and the father).

  I don't need to tell you, but to get married at 17 would be a HUGE mistake! HUGE!

  Nothing bad happened in my life because I left he dubs. I have had a lot of hard knocks (and learned by each and every one of them) but it had nothing to do with no longer being a Jehovah's Witness. My parents would disagree with me, but I know better.

  My suggestion, keep being there for her. Being her support.....her constant in her life. Allow her to go thru all the feelings and help guide her right now. She needs her mom. A baby at a young age isn't the end of the world. Many many young people have done it. Make the best out of this situation and protect her from the dubs. Don't let them guilt her into anything.
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  LovesDubs

  First of all...Mr. HolierThanThou dude who couldnt KEEP IT IN HIS PANTS doesnt believe for one NANNOSECOND that this is the truth or he wouldnt have been boffing your daughter. So he can forget being credible on that count right off. Its unfortunate that she is pregnant but hey...her leaving the hall didnt get her pregnant and she is scared now because she KNOWS how judgemental those idiots can be there, especially the nosey elders wives. Since this guy is from another congregation, she has to face her own congregations staring hurtful eyes alone, and THATS what she is afraid of. She knows Satan didnt do this.

  Id discourage boy friend from coming around AT ALL if possible. Nose his face out of the picture altogether and protect your grandchild from the JWs when she's born. She will see soon enough how the "friends" treat her and that will prove your point.
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  mamashel

  Scootergirl and LovesDubs,

  thank you so much for your replies. If my husband had it his way, they would never be aloud to see each other. I really dont know what to do in that case, because she still wants to see him, and my husband doesnt even want to look at his face. We all make mistakes and I just want her to be able to move on.

  Thanks again for the comments.

  mamashel
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  scootergirl

  If it was me, and this is my opinion, I wouldn't discourage the father from having anything to do w/the baby. He is the father.......dub or not. This may be the time for some invtervention from a professional.......counselor or support group.

  We all make mistakes and I just want her to be able to move on

  I was a "mistake" when my mother was 17. She got married (thing to do back then) and then divorced when I was around 1-1/2. My father and I were seperated all those years (mother's decision) and I missed out on knowing a great guy. We finally reunited when I was 21.......but damn, I sure wish he could have been part of my life. Mistake, suprise or whatever, I turned out to be a great person! LOL...........

  Edited by - scootergirl on 13 September 2002 9:35:5
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  Prisca

  Nothing happens because you stop going to the meetings - bad things happen when you make bad decisions.

  Your daughter is very young and very scared right now. She's pregnant and she doesn't know what the future will hold for her. Whilst marriage at such a young age, and under such stressful circumstances, is a very bad idea, the father should still have some access to his child. It is his child after all. Just because he is a JW doesn't mean he loses access to his flesh and blood.

  We can have bad things happen to us when we don't listen to good advice, or when we go against common sense. Meeting attendence has nothing to do with bad situations occuring. In fact, I made stupid mistakes when I was a JW. Now that I have left, I have the time and mental energy to consider all the pros and cons when I have to make a decision. Nor do I have to think about what is the "spiritually mature" thing to do, or "what will the congregation think".

  My life is much better since I left the JWs, and I wouldn't change a thing.
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  mamashel

  Thanks prisca, I agree, I want him to be a part of the childs life, I just dont want him to control her, and he is a very controlling person.

  mamashel
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  rocky220

  Nope, nothing that normal life doesn't usually throw at me.....no difference....rocky220
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  QUEENIE

  WHY OF COURSE BAD THINGS HAPPEN AFTER LEAVING THE WT ORG -- I HAVE HAPPENED TO ALL OF YOU GUYS..I am a diebetic and have been having the dickens of a time with diabetic blisters and edema..In 1996 also had a b i g stroke and have not been all that great physically since SO YES BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN to good apostates...((((hugs)))))) queenie AKA LINDA LOU
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  scootergirl

  YES BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN to good apostates

  How true, Queenie! How true!