Some Elders Have Had Mistress'

wednesday

Being in the org for a very long time i have seen people do all kinds of things . One thing that i have never really seen discussed is how common it is for an elder to have a mistress in the background. Oh he may not be actually sleeping with her, but i personally for over 20 years was a second "wife "to an elder. In the sense he and i talked almost every day and shared a lot of intimate things.He helped me spititaully and came to my rescue a lot. he even defended me at a JC meeting once. Much more than friends.The only reason we never had sex is because he made it clear he would keep his tiltle as elder "no matter what". So i know at elders go to great lengths to keep a title.

generally i could tell just by looking who was "chummy" with who by watching them at meeting and seeing who was gazing at who. Also, it gave itsel away at parties. Usually these were woman without a husband and the elder was "helping" her. Or in some cases helping himsef to her.

Edited by - wednesday on 14 September 2002 20:15:50

Edited by - wednesday on 15 September 2002 15:31:25

Nanoprobe

This is a very real Phenomena. In our congregation one elder had a inactive wife. She was always sick and never came to meetings. He had a group of divorced or somehow single sisters that called him for advice and hung around with him, brought food for him and his wife, etc. He eventually moved across the country however; when his wife had surgery one sister flew half way across the US to take care of her (a women most of us had only seen a couple of times) another sister stayed with the couple when she was in the other state. The other brothers commented on the situation heavily they called it Brother J's harem. It is common in all congregations I've been in.

wednesday

yes it is very common. I just wondered if anyone ever noticed. The elders usally can get away wijth it under the guise of helping them spiritually. the elder that i clung to for 20 yrs was only wantling my company., To think of the times he gazed in my eyes while quoting scriptures to me. we were all such hyocrites.

Valis

So Wednesday...you also said you were married. Does your JW husband know of your then "second" status? If so how can he remain a member in good standing if he does not report it as a matter of conscience?

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

wednesday

My husband was aware that was very attached tho this elder-but as the elder said he(my hubby)was not tking care of me properly and caring out his duties as head of household. Of course no one ever reported it. That is why i asked the question to begin with. I know this stuff must go on in cong. all over and no one ever says anything. The elder once asked me f i'd ever report this-i said no. Why should i give the jw another shot at me? b/c it would be me-not him that would pay. It is always the woman that pays. Remember, i did say nothing physical ever happened. That elder would not have given up his title for anything.

LyinEyes

Yes, I have heard of it and seen the horrors of it in my own home. My dad, an elder, used to give a nice , young , slim attractive sister alot of personal help. He loaned her money and he gave her "spiritual guidence" just he and her, alone in our office. I was right in the other room, and had to give her a coke, it was our place of business. My mother was a few hundred years upstairs in our home. Even when I knew , that my dad was wrong, I couldnt say a word, out of fear of him. Everything I had ever known was such a lie, so many hypocrites and the worst ones were the elders , my dad being the worst of all.

My dad must have developed a love for this sister, or call it what you will, and he cheated on my mother and left her. I begged him to stay with my mom, she needed him greatly , (read my thread of today and you will see the bigger picture) , but he did not.

My life was never the same. I lost my dad to the other woman the same way my mother did. It makes me sick that this is allowed to go on. I do understand why elders say they should not be alone with a sister or counsel a sister alone, things do happen.

Anyway,,, there are too many victims and lives altered by even platonic relationships , when they come between husband and wife. Emotional adultery is as harmful, if not worse than just a physical one.

If only my dad would have heeded the advice to not counsel a sister alone, ,,,,, but then again he could have choose to do it behind closed doors anyway.

wednesday

For what it's worth, it was me, that eventully ended the relationship .. I think it is probably harder now, with all the rules about not being alone and all with someone, but it still happpens.

I feel very bad for what happened to u, lyneyes.No one ever thinks the kids notice-but i know this elders kids did.It ended many years ago and has not ever resumed. I don't know what he does with his time now. I can guess though.

Dismembered

Re: A Lot Of Elders Have Had Mistress'

Aint that the real "truth". Some still do as we post. It's one of the stepping stones that helped me realize that the Org that make up Jdubs is snot the troot.

Dismembered

deddaisy

I lost my dad to the other woman the same way my mother did.

Even though I have known quite a few elders personally, none have ever had reason to confide infidelities to me. I must say though, that I noticed and found it disturbing that such a large number of married brothers had affairs with young sisters. It ended up that they left their wives for the young sisters, were disfellowshipped, and both the teenage wife and older brother were reinstated a short time after and lived happily ever after. Almost like no harm, no foul......So much for "wait on Jehovah, the new world is around the corner." they wanted younger wives NOW......

Edited by - deddaisy on 15 September 2002 2:11:13

czarofmischief

Let's be honest here:

ALL men like to have more than one wife. It's natural. Chimps do it. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob did it. Solomon went crazy for the sweet stuff.

SEX is one thing. MARRIAGE is about friendship. People can be married, be friends, and not really have sex and love each other and their kids and live together and be the Cleavers.

But Men will always need more than one woman for sex and friendship. How would you feel if your best friend demanded that you spend time only with her and ignore all your other friends? Its pretty psychotic to demand that, and yet this standard of "monogamy" imposes just that demand.

A man who actually LEAVES his wife is betraying his best friend. A woman who demands a man have sex only with her, and just suppress his needs when she is having her time, or is cranky, or is just not "in the mood" is being selfish and short-sighted.

CZAR

Some Elders Have Had Mistress'

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