Can a Christian and a JW be happily married? (page 2)

ugg

difficult situation,,,,,no advice,,,just sending hugs,,and welcome to the site...

Thank you for all the input. This really is a TOUGH issue. and mamashel, I read that book. I asked him to read it, too, but he was already far enough into it that he wasn't willing to look at any material but theirs. That's all apostate, you know. I believe that was one of the first things they taught because when I started to mention the information I was getting from other sources, they advised me not to look at that. I thought that was crazy. If they truly had the truth, their beliefs should be able to stand up when scrutinized. I remember asking him to study the bible with me, by ourselves, with no extra literature from anyone, and he refused. He already was convinced that you cannot understand the bible without the "channel of communication" I don't know what kind of counsel he is getting from the elder that still studies with him, but I predict that it is not in my favor. I know that I cannot ignore the differences and get back together. this is an issue that will have to have some kind of resolution before we live together again. What I want is for him to quit going there. Is that unreasonable? and how would he ever be convinced to do so? I agree that counseling will have to be utilized. He says that there is mixed religion in a lot of families, and it works. If we had no children, I probably wouldn't mind so much.

Mamashel-what was it that made you and your husband leave?

MegaDude

Having grown up a JW, I think it would be very good to keep your children away from the Watchtower. Even if you have to divorce your husband.

I left the JWs and my wife decided to stay. She agreed there were significant problems but she thought it was God's only true organization.

What the JWs will do is reinforce to your husband and your children to distrust you, because you are "of the world" or "of Satan's system of things." The mere fact that you reject what they call "THE TRUTH" makes you, by default, a wicked person in their eyes. I do not believe a marriage can survive when one partner in the marriage is a member of a group that constantly degrades their spouse. How is that going to help your marriage, or your kids? Your husband and children will be turned against you.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. My email is open.

Carmel

Surface creatures rarely are happy living sub-terrainian lives. If you want to live in a social, intellectual and spiritual cave without lights, go for it. Otherwise find a gazelle to spend life with.

the caveman

janiemh

DJ-No, he was not baptized into JW's. Thank God!! He has been baptized as a Christian. (at age 12, I think) I have a whole box of information I have gotten from the internet, all filed into categories, he wouldn't look at any of it. My daughter, age 15, already refuses to go with dad to kingdom hall. She does not like it. My son, 10, goes because he still wants to please his dad. I was raised as Lutheran, and all 3 of my children were baptized in the Lutheran church (I have another daughter, 21, from a prior marriage) We did not attend church regularly while the kids were growing up, but we have taught them bible principles. the conflict used to be between my Lutheran church and his Church of Christ. Then after 14 years of marriage, he "converts" to JW. This made it even harder because we did celebrate holidays and birthdays all that time, then he quit. He allowed me to continue and the children, but he didn't participate. That's fine, but my poor son was made to feel guilty about school parties, etc. Emotional agony.

Yeru-I have thought about the blood transfusions. Reading the story about the poor father of the girl in Canada broke my heart. How devastated he must be. I think their views on blood transfusions are ridiculous!!! I have thought about custody issues, if we did divorce. I would not allow him to impose those views if it were my child. But like that father, they hid his child from him. How horrible! I feel the the WTS has the blood on their hands.

I don't know if my husband will agree to revisit some of these issues with me and open his mind. If he won't, I guess there may not be a lot of hope for us.

janiemh

MegaDude-the problem is that even if I divorced him, it won't even solve this problem. He would still have the kids about half the time. (well, my son, anyway. at this point, my daughter doesn't see her dad much at all) It would be nice if they had never came to our door. One good thing is this, my husband has had some major problems with anger management. He grew up with a terribly abusive mother. She is honestly the most evil person I have ever met. When the JW's got him back into bible study, it helped a lot with that. Unfortunately, we had a lot of other issues, some were my own .

janiemh

and MegaDude-I want to respond to your other point. The JW's do constantly put down others who are outside of their group. They act superior. This is the main reason that my daughter doesn't go. She says there is so much arrogance in the air. She knows that isn't what Jesus would do. I can only hope and pray that my son will see it, too, before much longer.

Sentinel

Well, I'm thinking that it doesn't matter if your husband was baptised as a "christian". If he is serious about JW's, they will require being baptised, as they do not recognize any other baptisms as being legitimate.

If your husband gets baptised, which no doubt he will do, you will be the subordinate creature, and "worldly" to top it off. You will get no respect. He will take the children to the meetings because he is the head of the house. You will have no say. He will make all the decisions. You will be left hanging.

Right now, you have your two children with you. Please, do not go back into that relationship again. You have all the right reasons in your heart for trying to save your marriage, but it won't work if he is serious about being a JW. Your children will become confused and you will be very unhappy. I know this isn't what you want. It hurts now. It could hurt a whole lot worse later.

I usually don't say things this strongly, but honey, I've seen it first hand. Unless you want your self-esteem destroyed, and think you would enjoy being a doormat, make a good and wise decision now and cut the ties.

Love and Light,

Sentine/Karen

BluesBrother

Hi Janie,far be it for me to hand out advice. I guess if 2 people really love each other and are prepared to be tolerant then a happy life is possible. But I get the impression that you are making up your mind that your problems run too deep

My father was not a witness and my mother was . He was tolerant and let her do as she wanted.

The difference here is that your husband is new to the faith and is letting the elders tell him what to do

Take care, and I am sure the answer will become clear.

This raises a question that I have had brought home to me. How can a witness believe that his/her marriage partner is really deserving of the second death, - when they still love them ? How do they reconcile that ? I dont know.

LB

The difference here is that your husband is new to the faith and is letting the elders tell him what to do

That is a key here that I hadn't considered. New ones are so zealous that they turn off their brains. They are rushing people into baptism these days. They don't want people thinking too much, it's mostly about emotion. They claim other religions are all about emotion (and they are) but they discount emotions playing a part of their religion.

It's really a shame but I'm glad your daughter has a backbone. Just imagine what it would be like for her to always have a chaperone on every date regardless of her age. They do not trust anyone to obey their rules. It's all about control. Would your husband considered dating you with a chaperone present at all times?

Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?

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