Hi Janie.....thanks for answering my question about baptism. Since you have not ruled out a reconciliation, pehaps you can rule in a compromise! If you tell him that you are willing to consider reconciling if he is willing to look at both sides of his beliefs....maybe you can start there. Ask him to write down the reasons that he believes that they have the "truth". Once he has done that, we can help you with your responses. This perhaps will lead him in the right direction. His beliefs have to be able to stand up to scrutiny. He will not listen if he thinks that you got your info from so-called apostates. We can provide you will indisputable proofs for him to ponder. I hope that this helps some. I hate to see marriages fall apart because of these lies. It might be a good idea for you to seek counsel from other Christians, or Pastor or his wife. They will not be able to help you with the jw issue per say but they can help to support your faith. This is real spiritual warfare and I strongly recommend that you get as much support as you can from Christians as well as XJW- now Christians. Always remember to pray for strength and guidance. You will be in my prayers. Love, dj
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
by janiemh 28 Replies latest jw friends
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blindfool
I'm in a situation not unlike your own. My wife is a JW and I really feel it is a dangerous religion.
However, I do respect her beliefs. I try to tolerate her beliefs, I bite my tongue alot, and don't tell her all I know about her religion. I try to do bible studies with my family, just reading the bible.( My wife would never complain about that).
I go to the meetings with my wife on Sundays, but I'm not approached by eagar elders anymore, they seem to know I'm a lost cause. I try to keep the JW religion in perspective for my children. They have friends from different religions and play sports in school. My oldest son even has a "worldly" girlfriend.
The big difference I see in our situation is: My wife and I get along great except for religion. We really are best friends and we are deeply in love with each other. My wife respects the reasons I don't become more involved with the JW's and I try to respect her beliefs as well. One major issue is she hates when I look at apostate web sites, but she doesn't have to know everything.
Good luck with your marriage.
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Amazing
The above comments pretty much cover everything. I think it all depends on the individuals involved ... if the JW is not too radical and committed to the religion ... and the Christian is loving and tolerant it might work ... the risk is if the JW partner gets deeply involved and starts to feel uncomfortable in the marriage ... then eventually they can do things to so badly undermine the marriage that it will finally fail
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SEAKEN2001
Can a Christian and a JW be happily married?
Yes. I think so. But it really depends on the people involved. I stuggle everyday to put up with my wifes continued association with those idiots. I think she's an idiot for staying with the JW's after all I have shown her and all that my family has gone through. She is obviously dependant on them for something. I know she would be devastated if I left her because of her religion. It saddens me greatly that she is not stong enough to face the truth about her chosen religion. But I truly love her. I have taken the burden upon myself to be patient and tolerant. It is extremely hard for me. Someone else may have already called it quits. So, again, I think it depends on the individuals involved. My wife also has been very patient and tries very hard to be a good wife. Her only fault is that she continues to support that cult in ignorance. I think we will make it through this and remain happily married. Of course "happily married" is a term open for interpretation. I'm not happy she's a JW but I am happy she is a good woman and good wife. We are defintiely not as happy as we were before I found out I was involved in a big lie. I have been very angry and troubled and this makes it very hard for her to be happy. But I am also trying to be a good husband and she does respond positively to my efforts in that regard. As I get better at dealing with my own anger and dissapointment I know we will have a happier marriage. And if she ever starts thinking and leaves that cult I will be extatic!
I have thought about the question raised at to how someone reconciles their belief that their mate is doomed at armageddon while at the same time claiming to love them. I think it is a matter of fooling ones-self into believing that their mate will be handled with mercy and there are extenuating circumstances. And the JW mate may only be pretending to love their mate out of duty. Who knows? I have called my wife on this several times. I have made it clear to her that the WTS is my enemy and I am most definitely an opposer and a wicked apostate. By their doctrine I am toast "real soon" now. She has yet to acknolwledge to me that she believes I will be killed soon when God comes at Armageddon. She is in denial and apparently thinks I am mentally ill (which I am, but not on matters of doctrine, I'm just might pissed off) and will come to my senses. I can't convince her that I am her enemy. It is absolutely astounding to realize the power this cult has over people. I still find it amazing that I was able to wake up from the insanity of it all. I am conflicted and angry and disaapointed and a lot of other negative things but I am unspeakably happy that I woke up and have left that cult. It is a bumpy ride but I am so delighted to be free from that lunacy that I am willing to go through all this crap for as long as it takes. I spent twenty years in that cult and am now in my third year out. If I can get another twenty years I think I can win this battle. [g]
Anyway, being married to JW is not a lot of fun. They are idiots and it's very hard to put up with their stupidity. But, there are a lot of stupid people who are really good at heart. If your husband is worth being with, in spite of his lunacy and stupidity in matters of religion, than I suppose you can manage to be happy. But it will be mostly your burden. They can't think for themselves so that will leave all the thinking up to you. If you're not able to do that you better start preparing for divorce. If he wakes up and does not get baptized you may have a better chance. It will get a lot harder if he joins up. You might want to tell him that if he joins up you will file for divorce and custody of the kids. If he does not join you will stay and work hard at making the marriage work. Unless you are dependant on him. In which case you're in for a tough ride. I think it's a shame that JW's had to come into your life. But there it is. Only thing you can do now is deal with it. I wish you good luck.
Also, I doubt a marriage counseler will understand how screwed up JW's are. You would be better to consult a cult expert like Steve Hassan who understands the mindset of these cults and may be able to help you stear your husband and son away from that dangerous group.
Sean
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janiemh
Good Morning! Thanks again for all the responses. Your input is very valuable to me.
LB-you mentioned "rushing baptism" Yep, they've done that with him. Pressured him. Thank God he has the mindset to question why that is necessary. He has already been baptized. But as you all know I'm sure, you have to be baptized "into their organization" which to me, is very "against what the bible teaches"
blindfool -bless your heart for being as tolerant as you are. Like some posts above, it seems not so bad if the wife is the JW, as opposed the husband being a JW. I am betting that I won't find a lot of wives here, who's husbands are strong JW, who could give advice. My guess is that not many of them would be visiting a site like this. By the way, how old are your children? My husband never forbid "worldly activities" BUT....he would try to teach them how wrong they were. Then, leave it up to them. So then, they had this guilt or fear, not good for them emotionally in my opinion.
DJ-thanks for the heartfelt response. You know, we actually have not touched this issue since we separated. I know that before that, he would not agree to what you suggest. If anything that I showed him would spark some question in him, he would go to the elder and ask and it would be explained away (for instance, the United Nations issue) For 3 months, there was not much talk about reconciling, and just this past weekend, we really talked and decided to not give up yet. So we've been talking about less complicated things. I will wait just a little bit before I bring up this subject again. I feel like I need a strategy or something. Maybe I am fooling myself. Thanks so much for your prayers.
amazing-thanks! I'm not sure how radical my husband has become since I left. That will be a starting point.
and seaken-I agree with you that it seems so ignorant. and weak minded. to believe things just because someone told you so. to believe that Jesus came in 1918 or whatever year it was and CHOSE JW'S! Duh! I don't mean to be offensive, and I would never say it like that to my husband, but it seems ridiculous to me. Anyone can look back and see what was going on with JW's at that time period. Why would Jesus choose them? I believe that with my husband, he and I were not getting along, not communicating well at all, intimacy was lacking, and the JW's came and formed a friendly bond right away. That emotional bond is what hooked him to start. He was very vulnerable at that time. How would I go about consulting Steve Hassan? Does he have a website or anything?
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DJ
Janie:
You can find out about Stephen Hassan thru www.freeminds.org There are books and he has his own site (you can get his site thru the above one) Also, at the above site on the right side of the home-page is where intervention classes are forming. Check it out, ok? Randy Watters from Freeminds is great! dj
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blindfool
Janie,
A scripture that has brought both my wife and I some peace of mind is 1 Corinthians 7:14.
From the Good News Bible:
"For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made acceptable to God by being united to her Christian husband."
I don't really like looking at just one scripture and trying to get any real meaning, but reading these verses in 1 Corinthians may well give you and your husband some peace. It worked with my wife.
I've always looked for gems like this in the bible to share with my wife, she will not look at a lot of the books I read, but she never refuses to look at something I've found in the bible.
BTW, my children are 17, 14 and 8, all boys. They have a pretty normal life, aside from not celebranting holidays. They really don't seem to mind the holiday thing, none of my wifes family celebrates, so they just see it as normal.
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exploer
Janiemh My situation is exacly like yours except my wife is the jw. she has been sincerly believing in thier lies and truth notice lies and truth because some of their stuff is true but some are not biblical truth. I have gone back and forth with her and she still will not accept what her own translation say,s . I ' ve tried using their nwt and 65 questions to ask a jw but first I ask her questions like do you believe that the earth will not be destroyed and she uses her verses given to her but do not say specifically that it won't. So I take to Ish 51:6 and 1Thess where the earth and heven pass away but God's word will never pass away. Remember Janiemh God say's that no one is a profet in his own land. But all you do is pray for them ask God to open thier eyes and keep planting the seed which is the word because you love them.If you want to talk some more e-mail me at [email protected] we are here to support each other.
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rocky220
Let me put this as delicately as possible; any "elder", or "religious" edict that presumes to tell me how my mouth, hands, legs and any other part of my body should or not be used in the act of making my lawfully wedded husband the most satisfied man in this universe.....is full of crap! Besides the WT and their "elders" need to get their act together and get pedophiles out of the congregation, that's the business they need to be taking care of and stop breaking up perfectly happy marriages!!! What God has united let no Man put asunder. [Get it?????]
rocky220
Edited by - rocky220 on 9 October 2002 0:5:45
Edited by - rocky220 on 9 October 2002 15:16:25
Edited by - rocky220 on 10 October 2002 15:7:20