I'm Upset and Annoyed

by Scully 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Scully
    Scully

    My brother (raised a JW, never baptized, not a JW at all) and I were talking this morning, and he informed me that our grandmother - our last living grandparent - is very ill. It sounds as though she will die soon, because she stopped taking her insulin and all other medications. My mother informed my brother after receiving a phone call from her brother/my uncle.

    I'm the only one of my siblings who was not informed directly by our mother. Out of all my siblings, I'm the only one who was baptized as a JW and then left, so I'm thinking this is par for the course with being shunned, although my grandmother was never a JW herself. This is really pissing me off.

    I asked my brother to keep it to himself for the time being that he had informed me, because I want to see how long it takes before my mother decides to tell me herself. Then again, I don't want it to be AFTER my grandmother dies.

    I'm trying to decide whether I call my parents out of the blue - as though I don't know - and see whether they tell me. Or call them up and say "Why did I have to find out from someone else and not directly from you?" Or do I continue to play the waiting game?

    Love, Scully

  • BONEZZ
    BONEZZ

    Scully...sorry for your problem. I don't give advise but I would probably call 'em and see if they'd give up the info on their own. It would certainly show how strong their affiliation with Dubdom is. Your relationship is already strained with your parents and it really sucks that they do this knowing that the grandmother is not a Witness and would probably not approve. I tend to be a little hot-headed because of what I'm going thru, but sometimes it's good to think it over for a while and weigh everything. Only you know and whatever you decide I'm sure will be right. I know this because of your intelligent, well thought out posts.

    -BONEZZ

  • DeProgram
    DeProgram

    Scully, What are you kidding, It's Time we quit playing there game, Don't give them this power over you, march over to the phone, or march over there, Act as if this is your business to and show up,I have always done this, they usually don't have the were withall when it comes to face to face, there better at behind your back stabbing, take your place, let them make asses out of themselves and you will see God has the power to set them straight, after all who are they, a minority trying to abuse there power, I myself took my family back and refused to give them this evil power...NP

  • hamptonite21
    hamptonite21

    Sorry to hear about your grandma, I wouldnt play any games thou. Who cares who told you. Deal with the dub crap later. I would contact your grandma.

    Regards

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Sorry to hear about your grandma, Scully. My condolences. I hope you have a chance to be with her and say your goodbyes before she is gone. As for family politics, your heart is grieved right now and it is hard to see things objectively. When I look at all the family funerals I have been a part of over the years, they were the times that the most hurtful and divisive things were said. I is too bad, as it pushes everyone apart at a time when we need each other the most.

    My advice is to ignore the slight for now. You do not want to say something in a moment of anger and grief that will be difficult to take back. There will be plenty of time later to follow up.

  • outnfree
    outnfree

    ((((((Scully))))))))

    I'm with hamptonite -- contact your grandmother. If she lives with your parents, call them and be honest that you've heard the news and you want to see her. If she's in a care facility and you don't know which one, find out from the brother that informed you. I'm almost 104% positively CERTAIN that grandma wants to hear from YOU....

    Love and more hugs,

    out

    p.s. How was the movie? I hope you did go.

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    I couldnt begin to give you advice on this situation. I am pretty sure, that if my own JW dad died, I would hear about it after they bury him. I am sure that is is wish, why he is so cruel and cold I cant express. I think it is a means in which way they can hurt you. It is like they are making you pay for your "sins", by making you feel that if you loved them enough you wouldnt MAKE them shun you. Of course this is bullcrap. I don't know how things are right now on how to deal with relatives in these family situations. I always thought if someone had been in a wreck, got very sick, or funerals it would be a loving family thing to be able to deal with a d/f or d/a person. But if the sick person or other families memeber decided to take that and use it agaisnt you, how cruel. I know in my case my dad would use his own death , to prove a point to me, and to hurt me one last time. Since he has no other way to hurt me, I have ceased talking to him, and he has me, I am sure he would love to just die and me not know about it. I have an non jw unlce who swore to me he would let me know if my dad got sick or anything. How sad.

    I think it is sick the way they will use these circumstances to " make a stand for Jehovah", as they would say.

    All I can say is, I hope you get to see your grandmother before her time is up, I wouldnt wait on JW relative to let you know anything,,, they might not ever tell you just to hurt you.

  • orangefatcat
    orangefatcat

    Scully forget your parents and what they think, this is your grandmother, I would contact her right away, and then I would tell your folks they are cruel for keeping you in the dark, its pretty sad when parents try to play god and say who can and who cannot see in your own family and grandma isn't even a JW. Thank goodness your brother told you this. But I would not play a waiting game with them. Tell them out flat what you think.

    love, orangefatcat.

  • ugg
    ugg

    ignore your parents....see your grandmother.....god,,,this is so awful,,,but typical

  • DJ
    DJ

    Hi Scully,

    I've been in your situation a few times with various relatives. My parents failed to inform too. My siblings knew of course but they are jw's too. From where I stand, I think you should be glad that your have a brother who was considerate enough to tell you! You got some great advice here! Do what you know in your heart is right and forget about how you find out. It is just par for the course...........let it go....You will probably get some stupid excuse from your mom anyway. I did. Go see your Grandmom and tell her you love her. (((((((((((((((((((SCULLY))))))))))))))))))))) love, dj

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