by joannadandy 25 Replies latest social relationships
Refiner--I appreciate what you are saying, but the dude in question is MARRIED, little bit different than not being ready...(don't you think? I am pretty sure he hasn't given me another thought-really)
Lucky--LOL, yeah that's a good example of "D'oh" being an appropriate response whenever you see him.
((((Matty))))-you're such a sweetie!
((((Dutchie))))-that goes for you too!
the dude in question is MARRIED
exactly. You didnt know that right? Well you do now. If you hadnt asked him youd spend the rest of your life wondering if you had missed out on the love of your life. All this blushing , sidestepping,replaying in your head the bad feelings associated with your inept attempt to ask him out, and feeling foolish about flubbing your lines, is just building negativity in your head.
Congratulate yourself on working up the courage to tell him how you felt, instead of telling yourself you were inept. We have all been inept....hundreds of times.
Stuff like that happens... there's no stopping it. I'm sure the guy was flattered, and probably had a twinge of a wish that he was in a position to accept.
My goof was a little worse than that. When my wife went into labor with our first son, I was supposed to be in the delivery room with her, but the hospital staff asked me to "wait outside" while they prepped her. Naively, I agreed, not realizing that this was just a ploy to get me out of the way (fathers in the delivery room was still a new phenomenon at that time, and not a welcome one). They never came back for me. But that's not what this story is about.
While I was waiting, I met a couple of other guys whose wives were also in labor. We sat and whiled away the time, and one of them and I got into an excited discussion about our feelings on becoming fathers for the first time. The third guy didn't say anything, and after a bit got up and left.
A couple of hours later, having seen my son and visited some with his mom, I was leaving the hospital when I saw the quiet guy standing, talking with a couple of other people. So, brimming over with joy to spare, and thinking to help him over his shyness, I went up to this group and said, "Hey, man! How'd your baby come out?"
There was no answer; everyone stared at me. "What did you get, a boy or a girl?" I asked by way of clarification.
After a long pause, the guy said, "Well, my baby was born dead."
First (((comf))) that must have been so awkward.
Now Joanna - let me get this straight - this guy is making friendly. He frequently comes by your work to chat and you get to know each other pretty well. In not one of his little talks does he mention that he is married - not one.
What the heck was he doing then? Why not tell you up front he is married.
If you ask me he should have been the one who was embarrassed. He's the one that wasn't upfront. Like how hard is it to add somewhere in a conversation over weeks or longer something somehow about the wife and kids.
If you ask me you have nothing to be ashamed of. I hope one day when you do meet someone who is available you do take that chance again and maybe even ask upfront about any attachment (subtly though)
Be proud of yourself for getting the courage to ask AND for walking straight out when he told you (((Joanna)))
joanna - awwww....great embarrassing story. first, kudos for being brave enuf to ask yer crush out. secondly, i felt for you on this one. sure doesn't help when the dweebs in question don't wear their wedding ring. LOL.
i've had to learn the hard way myself to do a little digging on marital status first.
i suspect you made his day though. i have a couple married guy friends who always brag to me when they unexpectedly get hit on by a chick. they love it. ;) don't feel too bad. (sucks that you still encounter him at work. lol.
i guess my only other comment would be rather than letting it stop you from being oh so brave again (i think it does take gutz to ask someone out)...just arm yourself with a humorous reply for next time that can help diffuse your humiliation should such a devastating response happen again. :)
SPAZ
Good one Joanna! I agree with the others, don't let it stop you from asking next time. He was a jerk for leading you on. He knew you were interested and I'm sure was flattered and that is why he didn't tell you earlier that he was married.
You are very brave and admirable.
Rachel
Joanna, that is a hilarious story. The guy should've worn a ring, you really don't have anything to be embarrassed about.
My book of 'dumbass things I've done' would put yours to shame, guaranteed, don't argue.
Hi Joanna,
I just don't see that it was a bad or embarrassing thing at all. I'm sure it happens to guys all the time. I hope that's the worst thing that ever happened to you! Pretty good life!
Pat
Dear Joanna,
You put yourself out there on a limb and asked the question. He sawed it off and you think you were at fault?
Please Dandy Girl, don't put yourself down for this. We all think too much of you here on this board to see you treat yourself this way and not call you on it. You did nothing wrong! Mistakes and misunderstandings happen, and yes, sometimes they can be extremely embarrassing.
In this case, however, I think he is to blame. You asked a question, which is the only way you had of finding out about him. Remember that he didn't wear a ring, never mentioned he had a wife, and came into your shop often for flirty talk. Be glad he told you when you asked him out for a drink. He could have just as easily continued the game and you could have gotten hurt worse.
There are many positives here to look at. Write it off, learn from the experience, and move on.
Tammy
My story was when this HOT woman wanted to do the nasty BECAUSE I was married. She explained that married dudes turn her on, and she's not into commitment, so she thought I might be willing. Christ O' MIKEY did I stumble and trip on my tongue! As she was talking to me, she was steadily walking towards me while I was backing up and finally bumped into the door to my rig, and hastily opened it and got behind the door to protect myself. LOL! She flat out asked me if I wanted to go to bed with her! JEEZUZ! How bold can you get?!
TR
