What the hell was I thinking?

by joannadandy 25 Replies latest social relationships

  • Dia
    Dia

    It's interesting that this plays over and over in your mind.

    Are you trying to figure out what you did wrong?

    You didn't do anything 'wrong'.

    Are you trying to figue out what to change so this doesn't happen to you again?

    For your own benefit, you might not have felt so embarassed if you had 'fished' for an answer to that question before you took the plunge and put yourself out there so vulnerably.

    For instance, when he bought something at your counter, you could have said, "Oh, I really like that? Maybe it's just a woman-thing. Does your wife like it, too?" or some such other nonsense.

    If he had any sense at all, he would realize you MIGHT be searching for something and if he any respect for everyone's dignity, he would have answered in an absolutely truthful way that would've allowed everyone to 'save face', including him.

    Or you could have asked him or commented flat-out. "Are you married?", "You're probably married, right?"

    I don't know why he didn't wear his ring. But anyone in customer service who takes his ring off and engages in flirty conversations is big-time suspect in my book.

    Maybe he artfully 'played' you, for his purpose, which may have simply been the desire to feel like he was attractive to other women, even tho he's now married.

    Without a doubt, his ego was stroked by your utterly sincere, charming and flustered effort.

    His lack of follow-through (like he could've apologized for not wearing his ring and given you an explanation for an understandable mistake which was entirely his fault), but his lack of follow-through makes me suspect that he was aiming for that effect on you.

    If you want to get him back, I suggest that you do a Dr. Phil on him.

    "Is that really working for you? To take your ring off like that? Does that lead a lot of women to fall for your flirty ways?"

    "Is that working for you? Does it improve your sales?"

    "Is that working for you? I wonder what your wife would think of that."

    Or, if your workmates are around to hear it....

    "That's really too bad that you can't wear your ring. Do you have one of those nasty fungal infections? I knew this guy who had that and they couldn't get rid of it for years. And it smelled bad, too. In fact, they weren't even sure what it was at first and then, they finally had to amputate his finger. I feel sorry for anyone who has to go through that, don't you?"

    Pick any two.

    You get the idea.

    Sorry for letting my nastier side come out there for a minute.

    I hope it at least put a smile on your face.

    One last comment. Through all of this, he couldn't read your mind or your heart.

    Especially not if he really is the self-absorbed, ego-stroke-seeking drone that he might appear to be.

  • Jim_TX
    Jim_TX

    Just for the record... there is NO law that says one has to have a wedding ring when they are married.

    When I got married, the wife just HAD to have an expensive set that we could ill-afford, as opposed to the simple wedding bands.

    A few months later, they got stolen. I was pissed about the whole thing (especially since we had a good idea who stole the stuff and couldn't do anything about it - kids are immune to the law), that I refused to get new rings.

    So, for over 20 years, I never wore a ring.

    Like I said before - there is NO law that ways married people are REQUIRED to wear rings.

    Now - back to your "I embarrassed myself chit-chat."

    Regards,

    Jim_TX

  • notperfectyet
    notperfectyet

    Jim_TX,

    Having met and talked to you,

    I dont't think YOU would of ever been flirtatious with a women at work......without ever telling her, you were married.

    Wedding rings stolen or not, but that is a great alibi, if one needs one.

  • Kingpawn
    Kingpawn

    Joanna,

    I agree with RF, LL, and all the others who've told you not to beat yourself up over this. And to give yourself props for speaking up.

    It is flattering when a woman talks to a guy. The things we won't do to feel younger or think we've still "got it." And I blame him more for letting it go on as long as it did. (Maybe that's just my chivalrous side talking.)

    But don't let this incident scare you off from trying to meet guys. It may take a while but that day will happen. Maybe it'll be on the job, maybe a personal ad, maybe even your friends.

    This might help. Ask yourself what kind of guy you want to meet. What kind would like to meet you (forget the criminally insane guys you say you hang out with)? This calls for some honest self-evaluation. Now, what kind of job will he have? Where would that type of person be found? Then, go there. If you like truckers, for example, don't look in a library.

    Okay, so it happened. You didn't compromise your morals or his marriage. (BTW, how'd she look? Like her favorite snack is Milk-Bonz dog biscuits? [:) Even if she was gorgeous, she might've made a deep-freeze feel like the Sahara Desert in bed.) Just don't lose hope. You've got lots of time yet.

  • Preston
    Preston

    joanna, sweetie, it takes a real man to have the curtousy to say, "I'm flattered but, I'm attached to someone right now, maybe in the future.." Unfortunately, "I'm married" isn't the type of thing one says in a situation like this so don't feel embarassed. Men have to appreciate the dificulty of asking someone out becuase IMNSHO it's more difficult for a guy. I'm not much into a man without charm, married or not . In my book, asking somone out requires testicles. If he wasn't impressed by the cajones you displayed then pity for the wife becuase she's got a hell of a cold fish on her hands... I just think it's a shame you couldn't change your subject line from "What the hell was I thinking?" to "DAMN, I've got BALLS THIS BIG"

  • FreeWilly
    FreeWilly

    Hi Joanna,

    I kinda agree with Preston - at least you tried something !! Here's a little insight though, Even though he is married and he turned you down, I'd bet money that he is at least a little more fond of you for finding him worth an effort. Don't feel awkward around him if you see him. In fact the next time you see him I would make a point to say hi and let him know its no big deal.

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