The desire to return just for family's sake

Ephanyminitas

Those of you who have close Witness family members -- how hard has it been not to just throw up your hands and just return to the Society, just for appearance's sake? My parents, whom I love very much, are Witnesses, and it's very difficult for me to go day to day knowing that I'm completely letting them down. I no longer believe anything the Society says, but oh how tempting it would be to just go back and fake my way through, knowing that I could give my parents peace. I really want my parents to be proud of me; but anything I do in life that's outside the organization is meaningless to them. At least the second time around, I could fake my hours.

NoMore

I can totally agree. I was brought up as a JW, however when my mum died i rethought by belief and chose to leave. At the time i was living with my brother and his family, who were still involved. i felt somewhat pressurised to carry on. My one main concern was that if my mum was still alive i would have carried on as a JW. I felt somehow i was letting her down, but then i also thought that it would be pointless to preach something i clearly didn't belive in anymore.

notperfectyet

Ephanyminitas

That is the cutest parakeet! (budgie) Does it talk? I have heard only the male Budgies can talk, but they only mimic words they hear over and over.

If you need to go back, always remember the Budgies.

MegaDude

Eph,

I thought about it. I miss my younger brother like crazy. The elders who visited me to invite me back said they could get my DA status nulled in three weeks on a fast track plan. But then I thought, what kind of message am I sending to my brother if I do that.

As hard it was, I decided not to. I have found as time passed, and the hurt mostly healed, it was the wise and just course to take.

I will never go back to a cult to have a relationship with people who reject me for not wearing the same chains they do.

More of my thoughts on this are on this thread:

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=25423&site=3

orangefatcat

I feel your frustration friend, I have had those same feelings myself. It is a difficult sometimes to know what to do. I have a mother and three other sisters whom I love, but as three years have passed since my disfellowshipping they have made no attempt to speak to me about anything, not even to ask me to return, I thought if my mother really loved me as much as she said she did or my sisters for that matter it might have made a difference, perhaps,but all I see is a stern cold stubborn mother a cold sister with whom I saw briefy about three wks ago and she just looked at me an ignored me. Other JWs who are not my family have spoken to me. So I figure this friend I thought my family loved me, but I was wrong and so I have had to go on with my live with my new husband who is wonderful and I have a great son. I have a beautiful step daughter who calls me mom, five step grandsons. and I have the worlds greatest friend on this earth, BigFloppyDog. We have been friends for a long long time. You have to decide friend what is more important now in your life. Is it your sanity can you play this game and not dissappoint your self and and live a lie. You would be cheating yourself and your mom and dad. It could destroy you and them mentally and emotionlly. Before you make your choice speak to someone you can trust and see what they have go to say. You can listen to the friends in here. We are here for you. Many of us will have perhaps different opinions. But in the end the choice will be yours.

I wish you peace, as this is no easy matter to decide.

Love, Orangefatcat.

Ephanyminitas

That is the cutest parakeet! (budgie) Does it talk? I have heard only the male Budgies can talk, but they only mimic words they hear over and over.

Well, unfortunately, he's passed away. Sniff. He was the nicest budgie I ever knew. He died too young to learn to speak, of respiratory failure. But I bet he could've talked wit' the best o' them!

E (sniff)

notperfectyet

I'm sorry E,

I should of read your profile before I spoke of your bird.

I believe in a Budgie heaven, where no cats exsist, and only bird seed in every hand, and many heads to perch on.

If birds can give unconditional love, and we can love birds unconditional....what is wrong with the Humans?

DJ

Hi E,

Sorry about the birdie, he was really cute. I found your question to be really sad. For me personally, I couldn't go for the sake of their attentions. I would feel cheap in doing so. I would be going against everything that I believe and living a lie. Not worth it for me. I wish you the best. dj

anewlife

I, too, have thought of "returning" simply for contact with my family. It was very hard as I know I was not happy being a JW. Then some things have happened since I left ( 2 years ago) with the Society and my family and this has only validated how completely unloving and wrong this organization is. I have a younger sister whom I miss the most. However, I have recently gone into some counseling to help deal with all this crap this organization has put upon so many people. My family has not reached out to me either. I also felt that if they really loved me, they'd at least try to get me to come back to the organization. Nope, they haven't done that. My dad did invite me to the Memorial this year however (but I honestly think he was just trying to "get his time in") it didn't really seem that I was the important factor in his invitation. I have in the past month reached a "healing" in that my counselor said to me, "You keep repeating the same thing, but expecting different results. These people are only doing what they have been taught (brainwashed) to believe is correct. Their choices is based on their religious beliefs, not necessarily their personal beliefs. They're just not strong enough to break away from it as you are." This has really helped. Each day I emotionally detach a little bit more and it's getting easier all the time. My sister is expecting a baby in a few weeks and I'm simply OK just hearing about how she's feeling. I do not wish to go see the baby as I can have no future with him/her and I've accepted this....perhaps someday they'll too see the real light. Until then I focus my time and energy on those that truly love me no matter what I believe. I have also contacted a cousin who was DF'd 5 years ago and we have reconnected in a wonderful way (something that never would have happened had I not been DF'd as well).

I feel for your dilema, as it is one we have all faced one time in our lives. Time seems to be the ultimate key factor. My heart goes out to you and remember you can share your pain here and receive lots of support and hugs!

MegaDude: I read your post from April 2002....it was soooo good. I could completely relate to how you handled your situation. This is the way I choose to handle my relationship with my sister as well. I can see a similar situation happening to me running into her somewhere and the "catch up/awkward" situation of it all, but I know I'll be just fine when I walk away and the hurt will not be there as it was before. Thanks for sharing your story.

anewlife

Marilyn

I did know of someone who did it. I was full of admiration for her. She just did the sit there thing and got reinstated eventually and then she stopped going and everyone one knew what she'd done, but it didn't matter. She could see her family. That's how shallow the Organisation is.

I talked about it a lot. But I never had it in me. I thought they would mess with my mind. I kinda felt too emotionally unstable to see it thru. Don't get me wrong, I think the WTS is 110% screwed up and there isn't anything about them that I agree with or admire. They are seriously sick puppies. But I'm a very honest person. I'd rather say what I think and deal with the consequences. I don't play games. I never have. I thought if I tried to do something outside my comfort zone it would back fire somehow. So I've lived without my family for over 20 yrs.

Ya wanna know something? I've got three dub siblings and they are all elders (one is wife of an elder) and none of them get on. Hell we just had our first wedding in the family and there was a big argument and no one from our side went. And that's in the troof. So I figure I'm not missing much. And my dear, wonderful JW parents? Well they refused to shun me. They've had lotsa years to see which one of their kids is the really caring one. If you are willing to be patient, and you are a good person, your parents will admire you in their own sweet way. BUT it takes a lot of patience.

If you do wanna go back - then no one should judge you. We each do what feels right for us.

Marilyn

The desire to return just for family's sake

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