TTBoy, My daughter hasn't spoken or emailed Jesika in a very long time. My daughter has no idea that Jesika and I talk almost every day! Melanie has told me not to forward her any of the information about silentlambs stuff, etc because it's too depressing for her. She's not a Dub anymore (never baptized), but my daughter and I have only had casual conversations lately mostly about the wedding preparations. So she will be blown away when she discovers that I know about her sneak attack, lies about me supposedly telling her anything at all about Jesika as she claimed in her email, and I'll be interested to see how Melanie decides to inform me since Jesika has put the pressure on for her to tell me. Melanie must think I'm some of blond idiot. This hair might be blond, but I'll tell ya..........the bleach ain't gotten to the brain just yet! It's still workin just fine.
Now I'm REALLY mad!!!
by Lin 22 Replies latest jw friends
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patio34
Well I have nothing of value to add to this thread except to say how much I appreciate being able to see that I'm not the only one with problems with kids!
LB made a clever reference to juvi-jail preparing kids for adult jail, lol. How true that can be at times.
I've had a lot of trouble lately with my youngest son, who is spending a few weeks as a guest in the local lock-up for his propensity to use drugs. And guess what? He lies a lot too.
Support was the whole idea with Tough Love groups was to give support to parents who had trouble with their kids. Usually parents are ashamed of it and suffer in silence, whereas the KID has a whole world of support from his friends. This thread lends support to those of us who have not had complete success with their younguns.
Pat
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Windchaser
I was just wondering, did the MS that molested your son ever do jail time?
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Jesika
He got off easy-----------he died.
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Trauma_Hound
Does texas have a sex offender database like most other states? You should be able to look up his info, when he get's out.
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Lin
Windchaser....Jes is right. The S.O.B died many years ago of heart failure. Go figure. We had moved away by then and my son didn't know he had died so he kept the secret from us until he was arrested for hurting my youngest daughter.
TraumaHound, how do I get the info online? I know there's a thing called Public Data, but I don't know anything about it.
Please everyone, I hope I made myself clear, Melanie is not the victim Andre hurt. The victim was my youngest daughter Heather. Melanie just sticks up for Andre about everything, and it means nothing to her that he's a master liar and manipulator. Of course, with the wording of her email to Jesika, sounds like she's picking up on some of the manipulating herself.
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AGuest
May you all have peace!
Lin... Jesika... I know this isn't any of my business, but since you posted it publicly, may I speak? Thank you!
Is it POSSIBLE that perhaps, due to her youth, your daughter thought she would be SPARING you by not telling you and asking Jesika not to tell you? I mean, I know how it may appear, but I remember THINKING like a young person... and it didn't always make SENSE, to anyone but me. One of the perks of youth is that you get to make mistakes... and chalk them up to youth!
My point? It appears that you already have a strained relationship with your son, a distant one with the victimize daughter... and now another 'wrench' in your relationship with one of your children. Forgive me if I'm out of line, but I think I saw somewhere that you had six children; may I ask you: can you really afford to give up on a relationship with one more child? Do you WANT to?
Okay, your daughter pissed you off. Daughters (and even sons - LOL!) tend to do that! The BEAUTY is that YOU get to show them how NOT to act, not by "doing as THEY do", but correcting them, LOVINGLY, when they err. Much like what Jesika did.
Don't chalk up the relationship, Lin. Just tell your daughter how you feel and how what she did made you feel... and that she needn't be afraid to level with you... ever. BUT... you may have to check your tone... and your attitude... when you do. 'Cause truly, in a lot of cases, apples don't fall far from the tree. If your daughter is conducting herself wrongly, then "returning evil for evil," won't make it right. It'll only teach HER... how to raise her own children. Do you REALLY want that?
Again, I bid you peace!
A slave of Christ,
SJ, who spoke on her own...
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Lin
SJ, It appears you misunderstood something or didn't read my comment about Melanie NOT being the victim, but is a different daughter who sticks up for Andre no matter what. Below is the comment I made about this that I guess you missed somehow.
Please everyone, I hope I made myself clear, Melanie is not the victim Andre hurt. The victim was my youngest daughter Heather. Melanie just sticks up for Andre about everything, and it means nothing to her that he's a master liar and manipulator. Of course, with the wording of her email to Jesika, sounds like she's picking up on some of the manipulating herself.
The only child that I am estranged from is my son. Some of my older kids have had their troubles, but Andre is the only one I'm "estranged" from. Melanie is actually one of my Bridesmaids in my upcoming wedding.
The reason I think Melanie told Jesika not to tell me that she was coming down to visit her brother, is because Melanie has yet to pay anything towards her dress for the wedding, even though she's told me she would. My thinking is that Melanie doesn't want me to know that she's spending the money on a trip to see her brother and run around town doing God knows what, rather than paying for her dress.
I couldn't care less if she talks or visits with her brother. My anger comes from the way she attempted to manipulate Jesika with wording in her email. That is all. Case closed.
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AGuest
Peace to you, Lin... and forgive me if I upset you, but...
SJ, It appears you misunderstood something or didn't read my comment about Melanie NOT being the victim, but is a different daughter who sticks up for Andre no matter what. Below is the comment I made about this that I guess you missed somehow.
No, no, I got that... I just thought you said that the daughter who WAS victimized now lived with her father, which I took to mean she doesn't live with you... and so, that might be a bit hard... and distant... for you both.
Please everyone, I hope I made myself clear, Melanie is not the victim Andre hurt. The victim was my youngest daughter Heather.
I think you were clear on that; at least, you were to me...
Melanie just sticks up for Andre about everything, and it means nothing to her that he's a master liar and manipulator.
Maybe she just loves him... in spite of his... faults. Love is, as they say, sometimes "blind." I mean, maybe he's manipulating HER... and she just doesn't see it, yet. If that's the cause, can you truly fault her?
Of course, with the wording of her email to Jesika, sounds like she's picking up on some of the manipulating herself
Well, if she has brother who "acts" like he loves and needs her... although he may be lying... and a mom who does love her, but tends to think ill of her... which she may know... which one do YOU think she's gonna be the closest to?
The only child that I am estranged from is my son. Some of my older kids have had their troubles, but Andre is the only one I'm "estranged" from.
Yes, I got that. I had only hoped to preclude you from becoming estranged to yet another, for what I think to be a very frivolous reason, personally.
Melanie is actually one of my Bridesmaids in my upcoming wedding.
WONDERFUL! And CONGRATULATIONS!
The reason I think Melanie told Jesika not to tell me that she was coming down to visit her brother, is because Melanie has yet to pay anything towards her dress for the wedding, even though she's told me she would.
(Trying to tread VERY carefully, here...) You asked/want/expected/would even let your daughter to pay to be in your wedding?! We're talking about your daughter, right, and not your mother/father? (Let me stop speaking on this now...)
My thinking is that Melanie doesn't want me to know that she's spending the money on a trip to see her brother and run around town doing God knows what, rather than paying for her dress.
"Go see my formerly victimized brother, who has now become a victimizer... or pay to be in my mom's wedding... my brother, the manipulator... my mom, the... what, "needy"? My heart goes out to your daughter, Lin. Sorry. MY thinking is that she is in the middle of something she did not not choose: who her brother is... and who her mom is.
I couldn't care less if she talks or visits with her brother.
Methinks you're not being entirely honest with yourself, and I most probably should not be saying this to you here, publicly, but, well, you brought it up...
My anger comes from the way she attempted to manipulate Jesika with wording in her email.
And yet, you... are "squeaky" clean, although you just aired ALL of your "dirty laundry"... or rather HERS and your SON'S... right here on international Internet. IF your daughter had "committed a sin," against you OR Jesika... should you not have went to her... and laid bare her error... between YOU AND HER... alone? Think "rafter", Lin. Please.
That is all. Case closed.
Ummmm... somehow I don't think it is... but I do bid you peace.
YOUR servant (who hopes that you will not consider me no longer your "friend," just because I told you the truth), and a slave of Christ,
SJ
Edited by - AGuest on 25 September 2002 18:32:4
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Lin
SJ, this is really becoming tedious. Although my youngest daughter now lives with her father, it is not and should not be a reflection on me personally, as if I've perhaps done something where she now lives with him in Illinois. That is not the casen at all. I had all of my children after my divorce here with me. As they became teenagers they, one by one, came to me and said they felt they didn't really know their dad since some of the kids were very young at the time of the divorce. There was no court action involved, each at different times and different years since '93 have wanted to spend some time living with their father and "see how it goes". That was it, nothing more and nothing less. They were born up north and like it up there, whereas I do not like it up north. One of my kids wanted to attend the well-known college in Chicago, and likes the winters. skiing etc. I do not like those things up there, hence I'm in Texas. The great majority of my kids lived with me until they turned 15 or 16. My youngest decided just this past January that she wanted to go up there, because she was missing her brothers and sisters and wanted to "spend a year there and see how it goes". So, in January she went up there. It's really no big deal. We talk very often, with each of the kids very often. Just last night as a matter of fact. We are separated by miles only, but nothing else.
I am not estranged from Melanie at all, and we talk as often as we can between her work schedule, school, friends, etc. The same goes with the other kids. My comment about my considering not having her be in my wedding was simply my venting about the secrecy she was attempting between herself and Jesika, and her method of trying to get what she wanted. I never said anything about it to Melanie at all and have no intention to, I was simply venting.
There is nothing wrong or strange or whatever word you want to use for Melanie to pay for her own dress she will wear in my wedding. Bridesmaids typically pay for their own dress, and Melanie being my GROWN daughter should have nothing to do with who pays for her dress.
The rest of this I neither have the time or inclination to reply to, as it makes no difference. The matter has been settled, and I won't comment further.