Hi, Marie. Good to see you here. You'll find that there are a lot of posters here who really are a resource for you. It cracks me up what the Witnesses call "studying."
Hello Everyone
by MarieK 56 Replies latest jw experiences
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tiki
Welcome and know you are not alone. We've been where you are and understand, esp difficult for born ins because our whole thinking patterns have been molded to fit an unnatural schematic.
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skin
A big hello to you from New Zealand. -
MarieK
Wow....thanks everyone!! This support is great. Here is just a little of my story...bare with me. It will be in stages. Still a bit overwhelmed.
I'm 36, married to a wonderful man (he is awake also, long before me I found out) with 2 beautiful boys ages 3 and 1. I'll get into me and my hubby another time.
So, my parents were not born in, converted in. Me and my brothers were all born in. As far back as I can remember I worked with older women in service, pioneers usually. I think my mom and dad were going through some things so my mom would send me out in service with them. Anyway, they were always saying to me 'what do you want to do when you grow up, pioneer right? Go to Bethel, right?' Of course my answer was always a very eager YES! lol. Fast forward a bit.....I was baptized at 12 because I loved Jehovah and wanted to make him happy. I didn't realize at the time what that really meant and that my whole life would be in captivity from that point forward. My dad became an elder, my mom a pioneer and we were the exemplary family in the congregation. I had parts on the assembly, demonstrations at the Hall, talks all the time, etc. (more on this saga later).
i officially strayed for a few years when I was 19, the whole double life thing. I wanted to be normal! I wanted a boyfriend, I wanted to hang out with my non JW family, I wanted to see what the world were all about. I was financially stable enough to move out and get my own place at 20. Had some fun, which I now know is just normal things people my age do. But I couldn't completely let the religion go. I was consumed by guilt....What would my parents think? They would be so disappointed!! My friends...all of my friends, they would never talk to me again, I was going to die at Armageddon. ..so a few years after I strayed, I started back regular at the meetings not out of love for Jehovah, but because I had been manipulated.....programmed that if I did these things I would be punished. I was being controlled out of fear of being cut off from family and friends and killed off.
This is the first part of my anger and hurt as I started waking up. I thought I was a fairly intelligent person but still was duped and wasted years of my life, not pursing my dreams (artist, athlete, attorney).
Many red flags along the way I disregarded as I was taught to do and leave it in Jehovah's hands. This included the "new light" that the FDS is actually the GB...SAY WHAT??? Anyway, as I began to research, wow...the false prophecies, the hidden sexual abuse, the contradicting info in the wt mags themselves. The kicker for me, the main source of my anger? Finding out about the ties to the UN!!! Preaching from the platform about the wild beast, satans world, harlot, etc...and we were supporting it smh. The hypocrisy of it all is nauseating. I have so much research to do, just for me. But my brain is exploding. Now I see why they don't want us to look anywhere else, we might actually see the truth, the real truth.
That's all for now...I will create a new thread to further my story. This is exhausting but I'm feeling better! -
oppostate
Welcome to JWD, MarieK!
And thanks for writing about your experience. It's an echo of so many here who've gone through similar experiences in the control of the JW religion.
I'm glad you've done a lot of research and know a lot already about the WT's lies and half-truths they use to control publishers.
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TheListener
Welcome mariek. You give me hope that my wife my wake up one day too. -
Finkelstein
I'm super nervous, being new to this whole experience.
Hi MarieK Welcome to the forum , your opening story is one that has been spoken about many times here.
Its just takes a little research to realize that this organization is damningly corrupt and pretentiously maligning.
The more you deeply research the more corrupt and devious it is, that it availed power, money and control toward a few select men.
Fortunately in these modern times there is the help and availability of the inter-net to do some personal research.
When I left in the early 1980's I had to go on a hunch that this religious publishing house was lying and deceiving in its literature proliferation agenda. Not something I wanted to be involved in.
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Magnum
finally got the nerve to post! Needless to say, I'm super nervous, being new to this whole experience
I remember having to get up the nerve, too. It's a shame we feel that way, but it's because of the way we were programmed and indoctrinated as JWs. We were never to look outside. That's a strong sign of a cult.
I guess I started waking up a good while ago if I'm being totally honest
I did, too.
I decided to do the unthinkable (lol) and actually research the religion I am in. I was always afraid to, but I'm a natural researcher and couldn't hold off any longer. What I uncovered shocked and angered me.
I couldn't hold off, either, and I, too was (still am) shocked and angered.
I will give my whole story when I'm more comfortable
You will get more comfortable. JWs programmed us to believe that ex-JWs have magical powers and can influence JWs with a few words. Any influence we have is not because of supernatural powers; it's because of facts, reason, logic, and common sense.
Please do give your whole story when you're more comfortable (hope it's soon).
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FayeDunaway
Omg, such good news that your husband is already awake!! I'm so excited for you. And your kids are going to grow up normally, only 1 and 3!!! -
FayeDunaway
Taking the step to post on an apostate site....that is just a huge, huge step! We are so conditioned to think we will be an evil person in God's eyes. Bad, bad, us. Remember: the only ones saying they speak for God are themselves. And this is blasphemy. They are a false prophet. They have no authority and no say whether or not we are 'bad!' They just think they do. Actually you are brave and amazing to think independently and say 'you know what, I think you're wrong.'
