HI friends!
I have been a part of this forum for about a year and a half now. When I started here, I was full of fear and
anxiety about joining. I feared at any moment I would be struck by lightning or something, fearing I had displeased God.
But, I have conquered so much in this last year. I realize I am not alone in my feelings and experiences, and have felt
an enormous amount of support here, which has enabled me and given me the courage to speak out for the first time here
about an incident that changed my life.............................and almost destroyed it.
My mother became a JW in 1978, when I was just 9 years old, with my father following in 1982. It seemed as though
my life had changed so much, probably for the worse I guess, since they had become JWs. There did not seem to be the
laughter there used to be, nor the family closeness I had once experienced pre-JW. My father had always tended to be
verbally and somewhat physically abusive to me most of my life. I kind of thought maybe he would change after becoming a JW,
seeing as how they always talk about putting on the "new personality". But to the contrary, things just seemed to worsen.
Everything in our lives became about looks. Everyone in the KH loved my dad. Thought he was just the greatest guy, popular with the
cong. and well liked. But, no one really knew what was happening at home. I was always told I wasn't good enough, yelled at, and
basically made to feel like their opinions had to be my opinions. No individuality whatsoever. The berating just seemed to continue but
in a different fashion. If I even did so much as embarrass them, they would completely flip out. I was actually a pretty good kid, I
think. Never drank, never smoked, no drugs, no sex, no nothing. The model "goody two shoes". However, my mother was an
overly paraniod woman when it came to me and boys. If I even mentioned that a boy was cute, she would literally yell at me
and tell me how innappropriate it was for me even to be looking at boys. Well, for heavens sake, I was 14 by then! What
young girl does'nt look at boys here and there???
I did not consider myself to be an attractive girl. I had zits galore, and freckles, and was always told by the other kids how ugly I
was, and how no boys would ever like me. All in all, I was VERY naieve when it came to the opposite sex. I had crushes in
junior high, only to have them found out by my mom who had gone through my purse and torn up everything in my room looking for
anything imagined or otherwise to incriminate me with. She found notes I had written to a friend talking about boys we liked.
Needless to say, all hell broke loose. I was awakened out of a sound sleep in the middle of the night by my angry mother
demanding to know why I had written these notes. I was promptly grounded and told what a basic loser I was for even thinking
these things.( I am getting to my story, please be patient, I have to give you the whole picture so you understand why I ended
up the way I did.)
Fast forward a year.................High School comes, the zits have faded, I have a decent figure and I am wearing make-up now.
What a change from the ugly duckling I was in Junior High..................Sad thing is, I don't realize it. I was very stupid when it
came to guys, or men for that matter, especially men who prey on naieve young girls. You see, I had never really had a boy
like me, and I wasn't allowed to like boys, so for me, I guess it was a disaster waiting to happen. I had boarded a freight train
headed right smack for a brick wall......and never saw it coming.
It is not unusual for teachers to ask students help them in class, i figured I was no exeption. My english teacher seemed to show
a particular interest in me though, always overly friendly. He asked me one day If I wanted to be his aide for another class period, and
I gladly accepted, figuring it would be an easy A. Months passed and he became friendlier, putting his arms around me, and
just being a little to touchy-feely. But, I still just figured he was being nice. Duh.......
He started asking me to stay after school to help grade papers and whatnot, supposedly to give me extra credit or something. But,
one day, he asked me if anyone had ever told me how beautiful I was. I was completely taken aback, wondering why he asked that,
but at the same time, unbelievably flattered!! I could not believe that this older man had noticed me! Now, looking back, my first
inclination should have been to run like hell, but, never having had a guy show interest me, I was totally fascinated by this sudden
"interest" Funny how the obvious should hit you in the face................................................
Soon after that day, he asked me if I would like to babysit his 2 kids that weekend for an evening, as he and his wife were
going to go out. I gladly accepted, thinking how great it would be to make some extra money. He said he was looking forward to it,
and that he would pick me up in the evening. At this point, I was battling a crush on him, but yet just figuring he thought I was
pretty or something and just liked me. But, after all, I was only 15, and a very STUPID 15 year old at that. What happened next,
I never imagined in a million years. The danger I was in...........If I had only known what he had up his sleeve.
I got to his house and there was no one there..........no wife, no kids. I asked him where everyone was, saying, I thought I was
supposed to babysit? He laughed and said" I am not going anywhere". He then said" why do you think I brought you over here"?
I just looked at him wondering what was going on. The next thing I knew, he was all over me, kissing me, and everything else. I
pulled away and told him I did not want this, but he kept telling me I did. I became really scared and confused. You would think
that I would have ran........but for some reason, I just froze. He started talking to me, and telling me how it was ok, how he
would not hurt me. I relaxed a little, thinking maybe it would all end. But, to no avail. Sparing you the gory details, this asshole
somehow convinced me to have sex with him. Why I did it..................there are times I think I know and other times I just can't
believe I allowed it to happen.........................but, sadly, I did.
Fast forward again; I confess to my mother what had happened, and how frightened I was that he might try to get me again.
The first thing I know, my parents haul me before the Elders in the cong, with me thinking they are going to help me solve this
problem...................................wrong again. The first thing that happens is I am told that I ought to be ashamed of myself
for allowing this incident to take place. The Elder kept asking me why I did'nt leave, why I did not run, why I did not call someone,
why I did not run to a neighbors house for help, etc, etc. I kept telling them I did not know, because I really didn't! I then said
that I had become afraid and just did not know what to do at that moment. My answers did not satisfy them apparantly because
they became more and more agitated. And the kicker is, my own parents are sitting there agreeing with everything they said!!
In the meantime, the teacher was arrested and put in jail, and by then, it had hit the newspapers and TV. I was of course a minor
at the time and my name was never mentioned, but, no matter, my goose was cooked. I just did not know it yet.
The Elders decided that this was a Judicial matter and that I needed to go before a committee. I did not know what the heck a
JC meeting was, or why I had to talk to these men about what had happened. I became afraid again and begged my parents not to
make me go, I did not want to. They told me I had no choice because what I had done was serious....blah, blah, blah......
But, I kept asking, why was I in trouble?? They kept telling me that I had committed fornication and that was a serious offense
in the cong. and it had to be "dealt with". My own parents would NOT back me up, they instead threw me to the wolves.
The night of the JC meeting arrives and I am more terrified than ever. I am led into the back room where there are 4 elders
sitting there. My mother goes and sits in the front of the KH, and I sit before these men......alone. I was interrogated
mercillessly by these men, to the point of tears. They kept asking me if I realized what I had done to the Congregation. How
the newspaper reporters had been hounding them for information and how it was disrupting their family life. The one Elder
proceeded to tell me that if I was his daughter, he would have beaten me till I could not sit down. They asked me if I liked the
attention he had previously given me, and I of course said yes, but that I had never thought of it in a sexual way. They then
told me that I had basically brought this rape on myself because I could have ran. They then told me I was not being honest
with myself because" I probably enjoyed him having sex with me, and was just not admitting it to myself or them." By, then, I was
sobbing, feeling that everyone hated me, and just did not understand what had really taken place that night. They then told me
that I needed to be punished for "dragging Jehovahs name through the mud". They said I would be publicly reproved the next week.
...........................and they did just that.
I lost my friends, I lost my innocence, I lost what had been life as I had known it. People treated me like a disease. No one wanted
me around. I was left out of parties, gatherings, you name it, because I had been reproved. There are a million more details to this
story I have just told, too many to ever put into words. My own parents even seemed to disown me because it "embarrassed" them.
They took away my makeup, my driving permit, and grounded me for 7 months. No kidding, no exaggeration. I hated those elders,
It is still hard for me to believe that it really happened.
I eventually had to go the police station, to meet with the investigators handling the case. Turns out that this teacher had a
record dating back some 15 years. They had compiled lists of girls who had been propositioned and/or raped by this guy. I was
by no means the first one, and probably not the last, as my parents would not press the charges because they did not want to
be involved in a court case. The police were flabbergasted because they could not believe their attitude. I was their star witness it
turned out because they finally had enough evidence to prosecute this bastard and put him away for good. One day, I was in a room
with the investigators and they informed me of some counseling service they had set up for me, free of charge. They said they
felt it would benefit me a great deal, as I had suffered a great deal of emotional trauma. My parents stepped in and said, "No, we
wont be needing that, the only help our daughter will need will come from the congregation". My own parents refused me any type
of counseling. No help, No support. The investigators took me aside and one of them put their arm around me a kindly smiled and
apolgized for all I had been thorugh, and that if I ever needed any professional help, they would again set it up for me anytime. They
also said they did not understand my parents, because clearly I was going to need help and was obviously not going to get any.
And with that, they sent us on our way, and into history.
This story is not told for the purposes of "poor me". I can happily say that after many years of a troubled and tumultouous life(too much
to explain here), I am very happy and In control of my life. I am in college and happily married with a teenage son. My whole point is
that I know first hand how sick and twisted some of these JWs can be. For me, there was no comfort, except for the kind policemen
who offered me reassurance that I would be okay, and even a kind pat on the back. They made sure I was comfortable when they
questioned me, offered me cold drinks, etc. They were so nice to me....I will never forget that. The elders????????? Need I say more?
That was the beginning of the end for me, I just did not realize it at the time. The JW organization has abused me in ways that are
basically unforgivable. I can TOTALLY identify with all those who have shared their experiences of molestations, rapes, etc. I know
first hand how things can and are handled. Even though my situation came about from someone on the outside, the same
principles still apply.
So, to anyone out there who does not believe our experiences, I say to you that this DOES happen. It is REAL. To all those who
have been there, I feel for you, because I know exactly what you say. The Society is just plain nuts on some of these so-called
disciplinary actions.
How could they? ................Publicly reprove a 15 year old girl that was raped ( maybe not forcibly), but it was still rape.
How???????
Thank You immensely for taking the time to read this.
Love, Vita
Edited by - Vitameatavegamin on 28 September 2002 23:43:13