Thank you for personal insights dfg. I am still only a year or so out from my last meeting and a few months since unannounced drop-ins from the local cong slowed to a trickle then stopped altogether, so it still feels like a struggle to maintain optimism of the future. I live in a very small fishbowl of a town where the layers of JW connections run deep into the fabric of the town, you cannot just go about your business without running into someone who is, has been, is related to or studied with a JW. It could be likened to a tapestry where if you pulled on one thread the whole thing would move. This causes this constant feeling of surveillance which has made moving on emotionally while not impossible problematic. I know that most of the battle is being played out on an emotional level but I am ever mindful that these people (from the local council to the bank to the supermarket) could and would be happy to make my life very unpleasant if they suspected apostasy, so I keep a low profile.
That being said I enjoy reading experiences of ones who are further along the exit road than me, so thanks.