The shunning begins

by LovesDubs 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Check out my mother in laws new THINKING...already the JWs have firmly replaced her ability to think for herself:

    "Dear D" I just got your note today, since I was out of commission for a week or more. I wasn't "waiting to tell you," nor was I going to" jump back into shunning D." I just didn't think this was going to be happy news, and judging from your choice of words in this note, I was right! I have been going to meetings for a couple of months and have expressed a desire to be reinstated. Of course I am happy to contemplate the time when C and I will be together again, and I can talk to P and the kids. But if you think those are my only motives, you would be very mistaken. I thought of going back for C many times, and thought I could once, but it didn't work. I knew I would have to go back for the right reasons! (in other words, she would have to sell out or he wouldnt have her) Over the last few years, I have poured over the Bible, many Bibles - Daily! At the risk of sounding holier than thou (which I certainly don't feel), I love the Bible and believe I take it for my final say on what to believe. I admit I have been all over the place, trying to figure things out. I tried to be honest with myself and what I was finding. For a long time, I was just confused because I saw conflicting things. But through prayer and study, I believe I have finally come to the conclusion that Jehovah is the true God, and Jesus Christ is his only-begotten Son. That was at the heart of all my problems. I didn't have as much of a problem with other things. God was my biggest concern. I believe Jehovah's Witnesses are correct in their interpretation of who God and Jesus are. I like that! It amazes me to realize that I'm right back where I was before I started investigating and before I read all the anti-JW stuff. A couple of years wasted! But when I realize how much I have learned by the experience, I know it wasn't wasted. There were a lot of lessons to be learned. I wouldn't want to do it again, but I have to admit that I did learn a lot, especially about myself. I know that when I was OUT, I trashed the organization many times. But many times I knew it was because I was angry with being shunned. How dare them! Well, of course, we both know the scriptures are there! I hated being viewed as an apostate! But I was. The scriptures are there! I am not proud of my conduct over the last few years. I made a lot of mistakes. I am going to try and correct them. (She is so full of crap at this point, I could barely finish this) It is not my intention to shun you D. I didn't like it before, and you viewed me as a hypocrite then, because I hugged you and told you I missed you, when I knew I shouldn't. I don't think it will be any different this time. (oh yes it will...I wont allow her around me) You will find me a hypocrite again, probably already do. It upsets me to think that you will view me that way, but I honestly can't do anything about that. I will try to obey the rules (and whose rules are those? Gods??) as best I can, but love you as always, and hope to convey that as best I can under the circumstances. You are my daughter-in-law, the wife of my son, the mother of my grandchildren. I can associate with you on that level, I hope. If you would please shun the negativity, and speak kindly and respectfully of what I believe, I don't see why we can't still be family. I certainly won't try to correct you or speak disrespectfully of your decision to do what you believe is best. I'm sorry if the kids are confused. Tell them Grandma loves Jehovah and wants to serve him again. Tell them I think I made a lot of mistakes, and that I want to correct them. Tell them I love them, please. (Im not telling my kids jack shit...Im not her messenger) Love Always," Does this make your stomach turn the way it did mine?? Damn them

  • blondie
    blondie

    I work have worked with abused women and those with alcoholic husbands and there is always a percentage that will go back no matter the logic you use. Right now, she thinks everything will be fine and all the bad things that happened in the past will not happen again. Eventually the reality will sink in again. Just keep the communication lines open.

    Blondie

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    Blond...you know what maybe its my age, but I have no tolerance for people who think they can just jerk me around my whole life and Im always going to be here for them when things get f*ked up again for them. Well its not going to happen. I have enough people in my life who love me and want to be with me NO MATTER WHAT I believe or they believe and who will not reject me as a human being at their whim, and expect me to accept them with open arms when they are alone again. She has done this to me one too many times. Mother in law or not.

  • rwagoner
    rwagoner

    Sooooo Sorry to read that....

    My parents are both inactive (Dad is a former elder - removed when I DA'd) and yet when the August KM came out they fell into lock step with the "New Light". They are very upset with me because I'm not going quietly this time. I'm being VERY vocal in my disgust for the Org. and I'm sure I'll pay for it too...but it does make me feel better !

    At least with boards and websites like this we're not "alone" anymore.

    RandyW

  • Tinkerbell4125
    Tinkerbell4125

    LoveDubs, my heart goes out to you and your children. You letter brought back some old memories of when I was 26 and I recieved a letter from my mother. She basically told me that she wouldn't be having any contact with me, when Jehovah lost me, he lost a angel, bla bla bla. We didn't see each other for 13 years later. I would see her occasionally *less than 5 times* somewhere, but we wouldn't speak. I was able to have a relationship with her just before she died, but it was strained because of the j.w. issues. The fact that she was my mother made it very difficult for me to just walk away completely. I wish I had known then what I know now about the WTS, I'm sure I would have handled my life alot differently. We didn't have the internet back then! The fact that you know the real truth about everything, this will impower you to hold your head up high and be proud of youself and your life. You wont be hindered with guilt like I was. You will have to deal with each and every situaion that comes to you and when they do, try to leave it where you can look back and say I'm proud of the way I handled that! I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers that are still j.w.'s and we have no conmunication. I have to deal with having close relationships with certain siblins, and those siblins are close to my other j.w. siblins. I'm learning to accept that there are some things that we are just powerless too and move on. It's not always easy, but I've learned to enjoy life without worrying what my siblins think or not. You keep yourself away from as much toxic family stuff as you can. Have you written your mother back? If so what did you say? If you haven't and you decide to, remember to keep calm and try to look past the j.w. crap and know that your mother is in there somewhere. Remember she is blind and it's really sad. Don't get mad, be sad for her! I would explain to my children what is going on, that it is her religion that keeps her away, and it's not their fault. You hang in there. My mother and I had a strained relationship, and even though it was pleasant in the end, I can never make up for all the lost years. Just try to make this time the best you can. I feel like I could give you so much advice, but I don't want to write a book! Let us know how you are doing.

    Tink (((((((cyber hug))))))

  • bigfloppydog
    bigfloppydog

    LoveDubs, I am sorry this has happened, I feel your pain.

  • Tinkerbell4125
    Tinkerbell4125

    Rwagoner, I agree with everything you said. I'm in the same boat, but like you, I'm not going out quietly anymore. I said my piece about the silentlambs issue and I really stepped on some toes. But at least I stood up and will continue to do so! I'm sure in the future if I run into some j.w.'s they will ignore me like the plege. I do have close relationship's with some of my siblins and I'm taking that and being grateful for that. The rest of them, I wish them well.

  • lisaBObeesa
    lisaBObeesa

    LovesDubs,

    I edited this again after reading you other post on the other thread. WOW. All I can say is how sorry I am and that this sucks.

    I'm sorry if the kids are confused. Tell them Grandma loves Jehovah and wants to serve him again. Tell them I think I made a lot of mistakes, and that I want to correct them. Tell them I love them, please.

    I totally don't get this part. Why doesn't she tell them herself if she is not shunning??? And what kind of a mind trip is that to put on the kids?

    -LisaBobeesa

    Edited by - LisaBOBeesa on 6 October 2002 12:41:36

  • Valis
    Valis
    I'm sorry if the kids are confused. Tell them Grandma loves Jehovah and wants to serve him again. Tell them I think I made a lot of mistakes, and that I want to correct them

    It never ceases to amaze me how they slyly try to throw in a witness whenever possible. This is also a method of guilting the children into thinking that hey...grandma just might be right about serving Jehovah...guilt has very long arms indeed.....Lovesdubs...its good you're taking a stand and not playing into the bullshit that encapsulates that letter. Have a good day and do something fun w/the kids today....which reminds me...see this thread for a quick cheer up...

    http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=35492&site=3

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

  • sf
    sf

    Do you YAHOO? Let's chat sometime. There is a great support network set up here. I've opened up my room today: 'JEHOVAH'S PARADISE GRILL'. Come in and have a beer, or coffee, or whatever. Just unload if you need Loves. I am the official toilet-lid holder for verbal vomiting toxic waste episodes. Don't worry if you don't make it to the 'toilet' in time and you happen to get 'TW' on some of us; some here thrive in that 'radiation'...hahahaha...(shut up cygs nuts).

    There's alot of laughs here too. So please think about it.

    sKally, 'wturls' on yahoo...BUZZ ME

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit