Dear Mommy Dearest....

by LovesDubs 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  LovesDubs

  Yes...Im venting but I didnt want any JWs out there to think that they can just walk all over their non or EXJW relatives and we will just SIT here allowing them to do it again and again and...

  "Dear ....
  Well...so you got what you wanted. And that's all that matters. I knew when you sat here and cried on my bed at losing all those "friends" that you were going to go back. You can't live by yourself. Never could. If you have convinced yourself once again that this cult is the "truth" then so be it. Nothing the rest of us can do. But you know the deal...I wont play this game. I wont hold back saying what I want to say out of "respect" for you or this cult whom I totally DONT respect, and who blatantly disrepects all other people and their beliefs uncategorically. They are about as united in love as the KKK are. Anybody steps one toe outta line in there and they are treated like dog crap until the holier than thous decide they are worthy again to associate with. Ugh.
  
  You arent going to resepect what I believe...thats a ludicrous statement. Thats a mindless JW statement to make yourself look "open minded"..I know the routine. You cant and DONT respect my beliefs so quit lying to me. You are REQUIRED to shun me. Starting immediately you must...if you want to kiss butt sufficiently to be reinstated. C would never allow you to continue to have a relationship with me. Hes going to be watching you like a hawk because you have been wishy washy all along. Now you have to go back to condemning Catholicism, and praying that your nonJW children, and your sister and MY children, DIE so they will get a ressurection. You think God cant see your heart? Its not what goes in to a man that condemns him, but what comes out of his mouth. Im sorry...thats just wrong, and its as far from God's love as a human being can get.
  
  You want this...you can have it. But I wont play "nice" when you are around to make it easier for you. Sound familiar? Deja vu? My feelings matter in this too. I wont sell out just to appease you. You will get your family back and I will stay out of the way. You will not discuss your religion with my children nor take them to any meetings . We are back to that place again. I will not have my children learning a religion that teaches that they are superior to all others, and that all others deserve to DIE...just as Hitler taught. I will not.
  
  Yeah..Im angry about this. Mostly because I thought we were friends, and you were deliberately dishonest with me. It doesnt matter what reaction I was going to have or not going to have..you should have told me. You owed me that! I was THERE for you when the rest of those jackasses deserted you! And now you want me to fit into some definition of a relationship you have designed for me so we can be civil? I dont think so. I love you and I will always love you. I wont play this stupid f-ing game with you tho. Hey...Im used to people playing the game to get what they want...hell thats what M and S did isnt it? I dont buy for a minute that you believe this crap..not for one nannosecond. So you can practice your "I know this is the truth" gig on anyone you want to ...but not me. Maybe you have studied "the bible" all this time but I have studied THIS ORGANIZATION for the last 5 years without having my thoughts dictated by its propaganda, and its run by a bunch of self aggrandizing, cold hearted, legalistic, hypocritical, demigods who protect and harbor pedophiles, and who couldnt care less about their followers. Their only concern is for money to keep the empire going. But..you dont want to hear that. La la la la la laaaaa..I cant HEAR you D....la la la laaaaaa
  
  Go ahead ignore all the red flags...they just get in the way of P getting what P wants. You said yourself not three months ago, that you had to CONVINCE yourself while you sat in those meetings during your last "return" attempt. So dont now tell me that you know its the "truth" when the facts show succinctly that it isnt. (So they think Christ isnt God? So what? They also think he is Michael the Archangel and Abaddon and that leukocytes are evil and joining the YMCA is satanic...puhleeze) Being a member of ANY religious organization is NOT a requirement for salvation, least of all this one. First they say all "organizations" are satanic and "religion is a snare and a racket" and now they are spouting that they are "Gods Organization" and "The Only True Religion" hellloooo...how stupid do they and you think we all are?? And they have the balls to sell those as Gods Words?? Christ specifically warned against being followers of men...and here you are. With your rosy glasses on that filter out all "bad" so that C will come back. Practice your "motivation" for doing this with the mirror...nobody is buying it. But they will pretend to if you are reinstated because they have to, just like we all had to do with M and S. The rest of us...wont.
  
  When you want to see the kids you will see the kids and you will not see me.
  
  I dont want to see you. It will hurt to be around you. And I have hurt enough. And dont try to "force" yourself on me like you do J and P. I know that game too, and that shows YOU were not respecting THEIR beliefs, which is what you are now asking ME to do. Nice double standard.
  
  Thats just the way it has to be. My feelings COUNT TOO. The JWs seem to think that THEY are the only ones everybody else on the freakin PLANET has to cow tow to. Well...get over it. If this is "Gods Organization" then he has lowered his standards to the dirt. This cult destroys lives, families, marriages. Always has...always will. Christ isnt even your mediator for gods sake. So dont be telling me you are becoming a Christian again..when in fact you are being separated from Him by an organization who puts itself squarely between men and God, pushing Christ aside.
  
  So...Im outta here. You can justify this away too. Its just Satan getting angry because he's "losing another one" with you going back...thats the way we JWs were trained to think isnt it. You will be in JW limbo-hell until you are reinstated. Just like A. Not in not out. Please dont be sending guilt gifts to my kids either. You know that annoys the hell outta me. They deserve honesty. Their family has been torn to SHREDS by this cult. Id rather they not have anything to do with it. Bad enough their father is a flaming JW hypocrite.

  I dont care if this hurts, I dont care if its brash, I dont care any more since no JW has ever given a shit about my feelings in any of this. Ive been treated like a leper for 5 years. Im not deserving you know. I read the August 2002 Kingdom Ministry insert...I know how EXJW relatives are to be treated. You best review it if you have forgotten already. And dont tell me you were trying to SPARE my feelings...you took the cowards way out. Its the JWs way or nothing...once again. Dont write back. Just go do your thing and leave me alone like you have been doing. Thats the way I WANT it. Dont keep this, just feed it to the toilet and go be happy happy. When this all falls through...and I suspect it will...dont expect me to be here with open arms to catch you again. Why should I lay back down in front of that truck again?
  
  With all "due" respect,
  D
  (The Damn Happy to Be a "Bitter" Apostate Class)"
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  Outaservice

  Dear D,

  Don't 'beat around the bush' just tell us what mean! Ha!

  Seriously, I know how you feel and congratulate you on your values. Love is not always 'nicey, nicey' and must sometime tell things as they are.

  And many times JW's look the other way when wrongs are committed, that is until their 'own ox gets gored' and then only do they begin to say, "Hey, what's going on here"!

  Hang in there!

  Warm greetings,

  Outaservice (but still in HIS service)
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  sf

  {{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}

  I wrote a letter similar to that years ago...never gave it to her. It was pretty blunt. Helped me immensly to write it out (detoxifying), yet she would not have a clue as to where the real pain was originating. So I just 'stuffed' it in a drawer somewhere, with the other paperwork involving my life inventory. I pull it out and read it outloud those times I feel the 'pain' rising up.

  Thanks for 'sharing'.

  sKally, who has become 'comfortably numb' concerning her jw-elderberry (mother) klass
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  Lady Lee

  Oh wow D I could have written that letter

  It hurts to cut the cord but for some of us cutting the cord means survival.

  ((((LovesDubs))))
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  TTBoy

  Very nicely written. I applaud you for your courage. I myself tend to hold back at family gatherings to not ruffle feathers. SCREW THAT! I'm allowed to believe what I want and I'm not gona bite my toungue anymore when they go on one of their, "you'd never find that in Jehovah's Organization", or when they start ripping on and making fun of holidays.

  Again good for you!

  TT
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  footprints

  LovesDubs;
  What a well written treatise. You are a good writer, clear, concise,complete. Good Job.
  
  This is a great place to vent. Vent whenever you like.
  
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  Tinkerbell4125

  To get through it you've got to go through it. You did just that!

  Now you've got the rest of your life ahead of you! Let's enjoy!

  Tink
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  goatlike

  Lovesdubs, i sooo feel for you. I have family members that have done the same...

  Edited by - goatlike on 6 October 2002 14:53:22
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  LyinEyes

  This is so sad. But what can you do when they are the ones making the choice to not love you?

  I know my day will come to tell my father face to face , how I feel, it will be a sad day for sure. I don't know how I will make it, because I am sure it will be like a funeral, because our relationship has been dying for over 17 yrs.. and is just awaiting a burial. The final goodbyes need to be said, and it will still all be unsaid, no matter what I say.

  I guess that is why I havent even talked to him a year. I know it will be like talking to a brick wall. THere will be anger, especially on my part and a lot of excuses for his neglect of caring for me to be blamed on his work, his load in the congregation, and this and that...

  I am really finished with him, and writing a letter to someone who sees me as dead already will only be giving him the thought that it hurts me so. I don't want to say it, I don't want him to see me cry, so I hope things are this way until one of us dies. I know, for sure, he will never say he is sorry for what he has done to me. He will never change. I am not sure he has a conscious anymore or if he ever did. I am not sure he ever loved me. I thought he did, but couldnt deal with his past life with my mom and seeing me only made him miss our family. I told myself to make it seem like at least he felt loss. But I see I have to accept , the hard fact ........... he does not love me. And I am telling you this is not all because of the JW , but alot of the mentality comes from their standard of selfishness.

  I know many of my friends here will try to comfort me and say, well, we have to hope our families will see the light, they will change. I know I say that to everyone too. But in my father's case, in almost 18 yrs each year he loved me less and less it seemed, and I tell you I did nothiing, never said a word to him in disrespect. I was a good JW daughter and good JW grown daughter. I tired, to be in his life and there was no room in his heart for me, my sister , or my three children.

  I am just telling this about my dad, for the 100th time, because it does hurt me, I will never get over it. I will never live my life as if he never exsisted. If I do that I am as bad as he is. I will not hate myself anymore when a "daddy and daughter" moment comes on tv , I will cry if I want to.

  We can write our letters, say our goodbyes, and try to be as happy as we can. Our children have no grandparents andwe are orphans , all because of a cult.

  This is why I hate the organization so much, they take away our Jesus, our fathers and mothers. I for one will smile when they fall to the ground and are exposed for the evil they (WT) truly are.
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  Tinkerbell4125

  LyinEyes, it is amazing what the power of forgivness has done for me. Regardless of my sprituality, I have found it so much eaiser to deal with, since I've worked through forgiving my father. When we can truly forgive, we can then move forward and our memories of them comes at a eaiser pace. You know yourself the different stages of grief you felt when you lost my mother. I'm sure you have dealt with the issues of forgivness. I do the same with my mother also. She was truly a good person, someone that I loved dearly, but she was sucked in by the WTS. It caused alot of problems for her and I over the years, but it's not going to prevent me from having good memories of her. I learned alot from my experience with my her and I try to take those things into other area's of my life. There were alot of things that I felt had been unsaid when I lost both my parents, but I think everyone feels that to a point. I feel your post reflected that you are now in the process of moarning your dad. You will work through this my friend. I know this is a tough time for you! I'm here for ya girl, if ya ever need to talk! You hang in there!

  Remember, I want to impress on you though, that this didn't happen over night. It took me awhile to get to this point. Also, everyone is different and everyone goes through things differently.

  Please keep me posted on how are doing, k?

  Tink