sex outside of marriage

by xploration 16 Replies latest social relationships

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  xploration

  Hello,

  I'm not a JW but my girlfriend has been brought up with this faith and is unsure on the decsions she has tomake concerning out relationship. We are madly in love and i can honestly say i could spend the rest of my life with her but i will be going to med school in about 18 months so marriage is not a valid option. We have an active sexlife, but do not participate in full intercourse. I want to, and she says she does, but i am concerned on the hold that the JW has on her. She wants to be a nurse, which requires a degree but recently she says she doesn't want to go to uni and doeasn't really want a job at all and would settle for a 9-5 bank job. I am concerned also that her father, who doesn't evenknow about me would refuse to see her if she acknowledges our relationship to him. I just want to know how she would be viewed considering our relationship and what i can do to help decide what she wants to do.
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  COMF

  but i will be going to med school in about 18 months so marriage is not a valid option

  Clue me in on why this is so. My brother got married fresh out of high school, went to college and became a doctor. His wife also went to college and became a nurse. They're still together, still work together (she's his office manager) have five kids.
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  Beans

  Send her this link

  http://Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com

  Beans
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  xploration

  it would entail me being at a university for five years and then another three years training around the country, or even other countries so i marriage doesn't seem quite fair on either of us as we would be separated for a long period of time. the marriage side isn't a big factor as we can dothat later in life, it is just that we want to continue to develop our realtioship, and iam just concerned that she will be made an outcast byher fathers side of the family, if she reveiles our relationship to her family in the JW. Or even if she decides that she doesn't want to be a complete totalist. It just confuses and scares me.
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  butalbee

  Yikes, theirs that M word I've been hearing so much lately.
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  xploration

  I don't understand what you mean. I can freely say that i could easily marry my g/f, but we are both too young and we wouldn't be together enough for it to be fair or practical.
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  butalbee

  Actually my above comment was me 'typing out loud' again. Sorry.

  I can freely say that i could easily marry my g/f, but we are both too young and we wouldn't be together enough for it to be fair or practical.

  Wouldn't be together enough? If you married her wouldn't you be together FOREVER? Til death do you part. Age doesn't matter, all that matters is how you both feel deep in your hearts.
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  xploration

  yes together, but only at weekends, or end of terms. You cannot surley expect newly married couples to live apart for the first years of their relationship. Not mentioning how her father would view me.
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  joannadandy

  I think you guys are missing the main point of this thread, possibly because we have all seen them so many times before.

  I have questions: Is your girlfriend baptized? Or was she just raised in it? Does she want to stay a witness, or does she have doubts?

  If she is a baptized witness she is not supposed to be having a relationship with you AT ALL! Regardless of how far you've gone, she's not supposed to date men outside her faith, and not supposed to date PERIOD unless it is with marriage in mind. (so don't tell papa you want to hold off on marriage--he will for sure never forgive you.)

  If you really love this girl be prepared for a fight. If she is baptized be prepared for her whole family to hate you, and quit talking to her, and even cut her out of her life.

  Is she not going to school because she is a witness, or just lazy? Another thing you should know about witnesses is they frown on higher education. They will try to discourage her as much as possible from going to school. You are dealing with a very volitile situation here. You said you love her enough to marry her someday, but do you love her enough to make her choose between you and her family? You better be damn sure you want to marry her because that is the question you will be asking her to make when you do finally ask her to marry you. This is serious stuff. You have more to consider than the fact you two will be a part during school.

  There is a reason she hasn't told her family about you. I am not too sure she has been entirely honest with you about how serious this issue is. She is perhaps even fooling herself because a "good" little witness girl wouldn't even give you the time of day. Good luck to you, I hope this info helped, if you have more questions feel free to ask away, we might be able to help you.
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  xploration

  i don't knowif she is baptized or not. At first when she told me her career plans i thought that she just wanted to be a loving "housewife"-thats what she ideally wants to be. I just thought that she had different values and priorities in life ie. family etc. Then when i asked why her dad was so off about the idea of boyfriends she told me EVERYTHING!! how she was a JW and she skirted on some of the rules, which we'd obviuosly broken. There were alot of tears shed that day- i don't even konw why i was crying. She asked me to look into the JW, i said i would, which i guess is what i'm doing now but i haven't told her this. Ever since looking i see similarities between her life and what the JW life is about. Not going to uni, not wanting a job, being unavailable at regular times in the week. It scares me deeply because i don't think that she is 100% convinced which gives me hope. Shes mentioned about armageddon and how that i don't have to be in to marry her but that she would live knowing that i wouldn't be around etc. At this point i best mention that her parents are divorced-her mother had an affair, she has a sister who seems even less involved than her. She has also talked about bigger meeting where people talk infront of larger groups 100-200 ppl. She says that she has talked too.Do you have any idea what this is? All i no is that i don't want in with the JW, but i love so much, more than i have ever felt or even imagine feeling. I just want to know how can i make her see that this might not be for her, without ruinng our relationship or her relationship with her father. I was thinkng about talikng to her mother, but my girlfriend says her mother blames the JW for her affair so i don't want to go down that road! I just want to help my girlfriend...