sex outside of marriage (page 2)

concerned mama

Xploration,

Sometimes love isn't enough. Her religion results in a completely different culture. Learn about her religion, and the consequences that she can experience for breaking the rules. If she truly believes in the JW religion, then what she wants for her future may be different than what you want. You both need to talk openly and realistically about what each of you wants out of life, and how the ideas will mesh together.

My daughter just broke up with her JW boyfriend last week. We have dealt with this mixed relationship stuff for 2 years. E mail me if you want.

butalbee

I have a question for you? Did she ever give you any kind of JW literature for ya to read?

xploration

she hasn't given any literature. I was thinking of getting crisis of conscience as it seems to be raved about. i just can feel that she's being pulled in two directions and i think that if she can make a life for herself, because i think she wants to, we've talked about going to bali etc, seeing the world, that she could distance herself from the JW without ruining the relationship with her family. Whenever we talk about her religion, my heart feels like its going to explode out of my chest. I just couldn't make her choose, not just because i can'tface the thought of us not being together but because i just don't know what she'dsay.I feellike i'm being completely selfish and ignorant. it just feels like that its all or nothing and either of us cannot make the desicion. HELP!!!

joannadandy

(YOU HAVE TO find out if she is baptized or not--it's very important)

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I would encourage her to travel. Encourage her to go to school. (My guess is she would really like to, but never thought it was a realistic option for a JW woman) Crisis is a good book. However it is "apostate" material. Giving it to her might make her think you are trying to poision her with "wordly ideas". Ask her what she thinks about her faith. Ask her if she does it because it makes her happy or because it makes her father happy. This will give you an idea if she is ready to hear some not so nice information about her religion or not. Until you get those answers I don't think I can give you much advice.

The "talks" she is talking about are part of the theocratic ministry school. It's where you get up and basically give little presentations of information. Not a big deal. I still feel like she isn't giving you all the information you need in order to deal with this relationship properly. You need to sit down and ask all your questions to HER. She should be explaining this to you, not expecting you to go find information else where. This is a very big deal and I am surprised (yet not surprised) she hasn't been more open with you about it.

On the plus side I can offer you this. I had doubts myself. I was skirting the religion issue with every guy I dated. Finally one guy made it all clear to me. "How can you be happy in this faith if you are dating men outside it". Very true. If the witnesses have the truth I should only want to be with a witness man. He was so right. I was living a lie. I was sick of playing a game to keep my family happy. And I was sick of not being able to get too emotionally attached to a guy who could never be excepted by family, so "don't get too close." became a way of life. It was awful. I was so alone. He didn't give me any literature (which I probably would have just rejected and held on to my faith even more. All I am saying is I really loved him. Or wanted to. It was that love that motivated me to think outside the confines of religion for the first time and begin to see the world for what it really is rather than how the Witnesses told me what the world was. I guess I am trying to be encouraging. I got out, and it was because of him! So there is hope.

You know you can e-mail me if you want. I would be more than happy to help in anyway I can...and give any advice I can.

plmkrzy

And you can be burried up to you neck in sand and stoned to death still today in the 21st century! I think that might only apply to females though. Which is strange because that would mean males can have sex outside of marrage, as long as it isn't with a female.

SYN

EEK! Xplorer dude, I kid you not, your GF is soon going to succumb to GUILT, and then she will go to the Elders, and tell them in ridiculous detail exactly what she did with Mr. Johnson and for how long and in what position, and then she will be reproved, and then she will come to you one day and say that she doesn't want to date a worldly guy! Hell, she's not even supposed to kiss you or HOLD YOUR HAND!

Dating Dubs is definitely a suicidal move.

Why don't you find yourself a nice Apostogirl? They're much more fun between the sheets anyway!

LyinEyes

I totally agree with Syn , in a nutshell.

If she has done anything sexual with you , she is going to be disfellowshipped if she is not repentant and she will therefore have to end your relationship to prove it. Then she will be on reproff even at that.

If she is not baptised she still will be talked to and made to end the relationship if she wants to stay in good standing.

If she is under age or still livign at home, all hell may break lose.

I truly wish you both the best, and if you love her, even if you are not sure what the future is for you two, do her a favor and get her to read some things about the religion she is in. She probably has no clue about all the scandles going on in it and the past scandles and failed prophecies etc. She will never be able to be truly happy, truly free to love you if she doesnt get out of this JW cult.

Just my opinion. Wish you the best.

sex outside of marriage