Hard to celebrate holidays after leaving the Org.?

santacruzchick

For those of you who grew up in 'the troof', after leaving, did you find it hard or uncomfortable in any way to celebrate holidays and bithdays since you had no ties to them whatsover? If so, how did you deal with it?

mamashel

I didnt grow up in the troof, but my hubby did. Now that we are no longer in, i plan on celebrating the holidays. It feels a little funny, because we just in the last 6 months became completely inactive and no longer attend meeting. He is a little more reluctant to celebrate holidays, but he doesnt object for the kids. But being that his b-day is this month on the 18 and i have a nice present in lay-a way for him, i think he'll be just fine.hehe

Just take it one step at a time, if it is what you really want then do it. Dont not do it because of fear of what someone else might think.

mamashel

Mimilly

santacruzchick - I didn't grow up in the troof, but did spend a decade submersed in it's bondage. I had a horrible time with celebrating anything. This past xmas was the first time I celebrated comfortably. It took ten years. I'm fine with holidays now.

Since I had kids, I went through the motions for their sake. (I'm glad for this, since during those ten years I was isolated from any support regarding this, and without my kids would probably have just avoided holidays period)

Whether you grew up in the troof or not, I think it really comes down to :
Fake It Til You Make It

That being said, you have to listen your body and your 'nerves'. There were plenty of times I had to leave the scene so-to-speak to clear my head. I also kept a journal. It wasn't easy getting borg off the brain, but it was well worth it.

Mimilly

IslandWoman

I grew up in a divided household, the holiday thing was very hard on us and our Dad. He is dead now, (he died before I left the JWs) and last Christmas I had such a longing for a Christmas tree in our house. I felt somehow it would make up to my Dad for all those lost holidays and the lost relationship really. I wanted a tree in remembrance of him! My husband though, felt uncomfortable with it so we did not have one. He is fading from the JW religion but as of last year was still in a JW religious mindset and of course in fear of being found out by the brothers.

This year we will not have a Christmas Tree because I have decided to only participate in what I know is true. My adult children feel the same the way. So, Equinoxes and Solstices for us! We celebrate creation's wonders. A short time ago as a family we went to the beach late at night to watch a meteor shower. We named our own constellation, fell asleep on the beach and sat in awe of the sun as it rose a few hours later. For us, this is where we worship God.

Sorry, for going on about this. Strong feelings about my Dad and what was lost I guess. Thanks for bringing up this topic.

IW

pomegranate

Do what your conscience let's you do...and the other way around too.

goatlike

I was soooo raised in it. Holidays will never be the same for us. I felt guilty celebrating

the first few years, then I tried over-compensating by being extra festive, and finally I just

don't care anymore.

 I wish it could be my family instead, but any excuse to call up someone and see them is good.

Holidays are an excuse, if you've lost touch with old friends and can't make the first move

without some kind of reason. Plus, all the stores and streets done up with christmas lights is

really beautiful.

I try to celebrate others' birthdays mainly because i know it's important to them. If i consider

them friends, then i am sincerely glad that they were born, which i always tell them anyway, so

a formal celebration doesn't bother me at all.

 It's easy to be alone for the holidays, which is somewhat depressing, but it's also easy to be

with others for the holidays, which is somewhat uncomfortable. Which one can you live with?

Jesika

I was raised "hardcore" in the "troof". I was an elder's daughter and my whole family was "hardcore" into it too. I was df'd at 15 and was in foster care shortly after due to a severe beating by my father. I was in foster care around the time Halloween was coming up. I was excited to celebrate it for the first time. Then thanksgiving and Christmas--my birthday is Dec 26, so I celebrated my first birthday at age 16. It was fun and weird all at the same time.

After I got older, I found holidays to be a pain in the a**. I hated having to buy things for people cause it was a "holiday". I found it to be a pain, cause if I wanted to buy something for someone, I thought it meant more if it wasn't a holiday---and I bought something for them cause I wanted to.

Since I have a son, I only celebrate holidays with him. On Christmas, I only buy for him and noone else. I do this because he was never exposed to being a JW. Everyone who knows me knows I don't buy anything for anyone else, unless I want to, not because I feel I have to.

On the other hand, my sister goes ALL OUT every holiday and loves it.

Just do what you want to, noone can make you celebrate or not celebrate. It is fun to do it the first time. I felt like such a rebel!

Do what you feel is right, or ease yourself into it.

Just my advice and experence.

Jes

dottie

When I was in highschool, I would secretly exchange gifts with my "worldly" friends. Mostly because I love to get gifts for people. The first time actually celebrating a holiday, or birthday, I felt kind of uncomfortable, but it was something I knew I could get used to. My biggest thing, even now is when my mother-in-law. or father-in-law ask me what I want for my birthday or for Christmas; I feel very selfish answering at all. I really like Christmas now, I think because I'm married and it's a big thing in my husbands family. Every year it's a weekend thing to go to his mom's and decorate the tree and house, we have a nice little get together. I mention any of this to my mom and she calls me a little pagan(jokingly, not with scorn thankfully) I can tell she HATES the fact that I'm celebrating it, but she's pretty good about it and respects the descisions that i've made in my life.(I'm very Lucky in this sense) I find it very easy to just go with the flow, only do what YOU'RE happy doing, whether you celebrate or not celebrate, it's all personal preference. (Personally I can't wait for Christmas :))

Dottie

caligirl

I was raised a witness, elder father and pioneer mother. My parents are the only witnesses in a very large family. I have been out 6 years. I always wanted to do the holiday thing- It never felt right to me not to spend those days with family because to me, family is what the holidays are all about. My parents were studying when I turned 1, but they do have pictures of my token birthday cupcake and the one christmas that they celebrated with me. I grew up looking at those pictures and wanting to celebrate the holidays. I still feel weird about Halloween and do not care to much for it but I enjoyed passing out candy instead of turning off all the llights in the house and pretending I wasn't home like we had to growing up, and my son has a blast. I am getting so much joy out of watching him grow up getting to celebrate the holidays and not have to feel different from the rest of the kids. It did feel weird at first because I had no idea how it all worked, or what the etiquette was, but I was fortunate to have extended non-witness family that welcomed me into the family celebrations and made me feel like it was the most natural thing. It brings be joy to send out christmas & birthday cards. I get gifts when I can for others, but feel no obligation to do so. My husband and I had our first tree last year. All that said, take it at your own pace and do what is right for you. Have fun and enjoy the freedom to decide for yourself what YOU want to do without having to worry about what anyone else will think.

joannadandy

Last week I celebrated my first birthday--it was very weird to plan my birthday, but not hard. I made up my mind that I was going to do it this year. I have been out for two years. Last year I didn't celebrate christmas. And when I first left I told my friend I didn't think I could EVER celebrate christmas, it would be just too weird. However, today I sat down during lunch and started to plan all the people I want to buy christmas presents for, and even have a few gifts already in mind. I have this HUGE urge to decorate a christmas tree.

If I knew where a halloween party was, I would probably go get a costume and celebrate that.

I thought it would be hard to celebrate, but I find each new thing to be such a thrill. It did take me a while to get started. I will be honest, I had some serious migivings--and I feel kind of akward, but each day that gets less and less. I really do feel like a kid all over again. I am very much looking forward to this holiday season--even if I will be celebrating incognito. I will get my first taste of it, and I am sure I will love it and start and continue my own holiday traditions.

Hard to celebrate holidays after leaving the Org.?

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