I have to explain why I say this, why I miss the man who loved God so much. When I met my husband he was only 18 yrs old, and so deligent to serve Jehovah. We were both so much alike, we loved our God, but also deep down, loved what the world had to offer. We stayed faithful to our religion and served it for years. I watched with pride as he was ministrial servant, to elder , to a seasoned elder so to speak. I marveled at his true love for the Bible, the hours he would spend reading it. The time he took to prepare his talks, ( he hated to write it all out) yet he did it anyway.
The heavy load he carried for so long, and towards the end he was so busy trying to help the friends it was wearing him out. He stayed being an elder not for power , or position but for the friends. If it would not have been for the ones who needed him so much, he would have stepped down long ago.
We have been out a year and for the first time in our married life, we don't worship together, we don't study together anymore. He and I both read the bible as we feel the need to, but since we are on different levels of recovery leaving JW, we do our own , for now.
I told him I missed the part of him that is still there , but not shown . The spiritual man he was. He is still spiritual but in a different way, a way of a searcher looking for the treasure, trying to find his faith again. He is such a good teacher and I hope he one days finds away to help others in such a way, as he did in the past. We talk about things we can do and it feel good again to think of such things. Of course we are not talking about peddling magazines or getting school assignments.
He mentioned going to the old folks home to encourage and visit the elderly, help within the community for good causes. This made my heart melt to hear this side in him come out again. I mean it is always there within our family, but I see he still loves people as much as he used to.
So for everything you lose , there's something won , I suppose. Losing our religion, may indeed help us to be better christians afterall.
So where is the man who loved Jehovah so much? He never left at all. He is just seeing for himself what it really means to serve God, this is only the beginning. I am glad to be here with him watching him as he begins to find his way.