Fun things for us apostates to do at the KH..
Pull aside an unruly child and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to die at Armageddon."
Put stray dogs in library.
Replace the opening song with "Stairway to Heaven".
Going through all the songbooks, mark song 666.
Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"
Toss around a giant beach ball before the public talk, like at Grateful Dead concerts.
Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the elder: Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"
Hide copies of Hustler inside the magazine dept Point them out.
Start a wave.
Do cool things with the lighting.
Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
When the cong sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are we gonna do another SONG?"
Make up your own words to the songs.
Twenty minutes into the talk, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.
Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire talk.
If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT F*** THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL YOU!!!"
Dress all in black, or in camo.
Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two.
If it is the memorial, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.
At a KH gathering, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks.
Inflate balloons, and then send them off.
Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the library
During the talk, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly light them.
Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen.
Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me" and lick them.
Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
Blow bubbles.
Fake a possession
Distribute condoms.
Speak in tongues.
Ask where the nearest ashtray is.
Drool in the donation box
.Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the JEHOVAH are upon you!!!"
Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the KH next Saturday at midnight.