I married a stranger, did you? (page 2)

ugg

indeed you are fortunate....congratulations on the "new addition"

kenpodragon

I would never be a good submissive JW wife

One thing I enjoy about our relationship is that my wife has never been that way, "submissive." We tried to do that, but our life is 50/50 now and sometimes I think it is 70/30 with me having the 30. She just lets me think it is 50/50.

My thought

Dragon

shera

LOL Dragon

I'm sure she has a wonderful hubby

Farkel

kenpo,

Well put. Years ago, I heard a radio talk-show psychologist make some startling statements:

She said, "at the very best, when anyone walks down the marriage aisle, he and she are marrying a complete stranger. The marriages that endure are those in which each partner is committed to the unknown journey of marriage, whereever that will take them."

She also stated that for some unknown reason, marriages don't last where couples know each other for a long time before marriage and/or live together for a long time before marriage. She said her parents knew each other for only several weeks before they were married and they are still happily married after fifty-odd years. The reason in her opinion: they were both absolutely committed to the journey of the marriage itself.

Too many people today selfishly want only wonderfulness in their marriages and bail when things go sour, even if temporarily.

Another factor she mentioned and which is worth noting is that everyone grows emotionally and spiritually at their own pace. In a marriage there are times where the husband or the wife will have a spurt in spiritual growth and "be ahead" of the spouse in that area. This is the old "I outgrew her/him" line that many people say caused the demise of their marriage. Those who are committed to the journey of the marriage realize that it might take some time for their spouse to catch up to that growth spurt and are wise and patient enough to wait it out.

Of course, I learned all of this after I royally fucked up my own dub marriage. I definitely had "outgrown" my wife-the great love of my youth. So I bailed. It took her a while to catch up, and she did, perhaps even surpassing me. But it was too late. The damage was done. She's 53 now and doesn't look at day over 30. I swear. And she left the dubs! She got her college degree in nursing, married a doctor who was much older than she. He died and left her extremely well off.

I'm glad you both have take the road less traveled, kenpo and wish you both many decades of happiness and growth.

Farkel

Edited by - Farkel on 21 October 2002 1:22:33

KD

Another good post! I look forward to reading them. My girlfriend is from China and we were friends for about 8 years before we started dating. We have been together for an additional 6 years. The language barrier is a bit rough at times and often frustrating but it is fun. I guess the funny part is, is that I taught about the JW's and the Mormons and how to tell them apart. She has a ball with them and will actually make her English harder to understand just to watch them get frustrated and leave. You got to love it!

I'll be waiting for your next post..........Ken

jurs

Kenpodragon,

What a nice story!! My husband and I were strangers as well. We were married before I ever studied and became a JW though. We both worked in a casino together and would have drinks after work. I became pregnant after knowing him 3 months. We got married and boy did we get to know each other fast!!! Its strange but we knew each other VERY WELL in a short amount of time.

About a year after we were married I started studying with the witnesses. I stopped doing drugs, drank in moderation, quit my casino job, quit gambling, smoking ect. ect. I'm a total different person than who he married but he still knew me well.

I'm trying to get to the funny part ,so bare with me. Our marriage has been up and down and we have had some rip roaring fights , there's times I think we absolutely hate one another. We're certainly not the ideal couple.

Well we got invited to a JW's home for a get together with some other couples. My husband is the only non JW. We played this game ( I can't remember the name of it) . Your spouse has to answer some questions and you have to pretty much guess how they'd answer. Anyway, One couple took it real serious and were not doing well. Their answers were not compatible with one another. The wife was pretty upset. My husband and I kicked butt! We won by a long stretch.

I would recommend that before anyone marries they get to know that person real well!! Sometimes it works out like yours did but its too big of a commitment to take that chance.

jurs

animal

Not sure how unique my story on this is...

I was living with some biker chick back in '80. I was in the reserves, waiting to go back on active duty anytime. She had a kid, they both lived in my place. I worked second shift, and came home to an empty place... she ran off with her kids father. I was pissed.

I ran into some local Outlaws and they were looking for this dude too, for other reasons. They suggested that I take the gal he left behind, for revenge of sorts... sounded like a plan to me. I did it, with no guilt at all.

I left for active duty shortly after that, only going out with her a month before leaving. We wrote and called each other while I was away, for almost a year. I would get drunk and call on the phone at all hours... and one nite one of us said about getting married. We still dont remember who it was, we were both trashed and on the phone. We married in '83 ... had kid 1 in 85.. kid 2 in 90... and are still going strong.

She knew nothing of my past when we married, not that it was hidden, it just never came up. She learned how things worked in my world too... at the wedding reception, all my bro's danced with her and told her "Remember, we knew him first" .. most women woulda got pissed, she didnt. She knew how it was.

What are the secrets to making it almost 20 years? None that I know of. We do take trips seperately... we do different things for hobbies, and we have never been nosey about each others business. We all eat a sit down dinner each nite, or most nites. We never yell at each other. And we dont get drunk. It just works.

Sorry, this got longer than I planned.

Animal

ballistic

Animal, you said "we dont get drunk" although drink featured heavily in your earlier years also while you were in active duty. Do you mind me asking what the reason was for the change in policy?

teejay

Then one day when three years had passed in our marriage days. I come into the living
room after a meeting, and set with my wife and said, "there is something I need to tell
you." Well I laid it all out, how I no longer believed this religion and I wanted to change
my life and get out of there. I told her she could stay in if she wanted, that I would never
stop her or hurt her. I just said it like it was, "I am gone, and their is no turning back from
here." My wife was quiet for a minute and then stood up and walked out of the room....
she came back with a trash bag in hand, looked me in the face and said, "thank God you
said it first, now lets throw away all these stupid books." We took the books to the
dumpster, every single one of them that night.

Damn.

I hope you know: You are a lucky, lucky man. If *my* wife had that attitude, I might be able to eek out a happy life with a beautiful woman before my days were over!

MYOHNSEPH

I think most couples start out strangers, at least to some degree. It takes some time to really get to know another persons mind and soul. Sometimes it never happens. My wife and I were both devout JWs when we married. I was nineteen, she was seventeen and still in high school. Both of us were horny as hell, so we got married. That was almost forty-one years ago. In time I made my departure from the organization but she remains a devout JW. But just in case anyone thinks it cant work, we are closer and more in true love today than ever before. She may be unique, as a JW, but her love is unconditional, as mine is. We accept each other as the individuals we each are and neither of us tries to dictate what the other accepts as truth. I consider myself quite blessed.

I married a stranger, did you?

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