Please help me understand why.................... (page 2)

Jesika

Willl----------damn that hurt!!

I try my best, I just wanted to understand why I was feeling this way. I won't hold too tight, I know how that feels!

Iwasyoungonce

Jes, I'm not a person with a psych degree (yet) but I would be willing to try to speak heart to heart.

From what I have read in your posts you have spent much of your life being loved like an object and not as a person. Alex seems to see you as more of a person and less as an object. I'm not a prude and have seen strippers (But I am a club virgin.) Stripping lowers a person to an object. I can say that porn is erotic but it does the same thing. All I can say is that I would find it hard to not (be tempted to) love people as possesions if I were in your shoes. And, if I were Alex and loved you like you talk about, I would try and be understanding. (Not that you should run and tell him.) You say that he points you out, so there is your proof that he says...THAT"S MY GIRL!!! Maybe focus on that?? You might try writing down all the bads in your life in a private place. Don't share them with anyone. Then burn them. (might help to) Let them go.?(I.e. no power over you.) Alex is not a dog and neither are you. (Not bio-possesions) You are people, human beings. You could choose to love and understand each other like I said on WTExcape.com. But first you have to love yourself that way. You have to trust yourself like you want to trust him. You are not an object. You are a unique young woman that is capable of loving and worthy of being loved unconditionally. You have the power to break the cycle of abuse that has been a plague on your family bloodline. Let it end; Right Now...It could be the best new day of the rest of your life.

Love,

jay

Or, In one sentence-Why do you feel that way? Because you choose to.

Jesika

Thank you Jay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mamashel

((((((((((((((((((((((Jesika))))))))))))))))))))))

My dear friend!!! Been there done that. I believe that part of the problem for me anyway, was that i was so afraid of getting hurt that i didnt want anyone to get close to me for fear of getting hurt. And if i even saw another women looking at the man i was with, i would go off the deep end. You are a beautiful young woman, and you have alot going for you, but you have to believe that about yourself first, and have to love yourself and have confidence in yourself before you can trust and love someone else.

You have been through alot in your life, and it will take more time to recover fully and heal fully. So take your time and love yourself first, and the books that were recommended in an earlier post about co-dependancy are a very good suggestion. I read them both and they were a great help. I really had to take a good look at myself, and take the time to look inside yourself to see what makes you happy, what makes you hurt, and you will grow as you learn to trust yourself.

I love ya to pieces, everything will work out for the good. Sometimes it just takes a little time!

mamashel

orangefatcat

Jesika your a wonderful person and I don't know what to say, I have a son who is 24 and would think you would be the cats meow, he loves strippers and has worked in several clubs in Toronto. He had a girl friend who was a stripper. He adored her. She had a little girl. But things didn't work out with them. Richard took it hard. So I am hardly in a position to give you advice. Relationships can be so strange at times. One minute your intense and the next minute your not to sure where its going. I have seen this happen to my son. When you give you heart your bound to get hurt. Sometimes you may be afraid to give your all because your afraid you might get hurt. Richard is a jealous type he has a girl and its his girl and thats it and if any one messes with his girl, well that is another story. Sounds like to me life is a bitch at times. But seeing how Jesika you've been on your own since you've been 15 and that is something, wow! Your smart Jesika, and you have raised your son on your own which is great, you know what to do. Sometimes life can be pretty frightening, but I know you can make the right decsion and if you need help, certainly there is no shame in asking help from a proffessional, it makes you no less a human. Like I said I am not the greatest to give advise but know this I love Jesika.

Orangefatcat.

orangefatcat

Edited by - orangefatcat on 24 October 2002 9:31:38

Valis

Hey jes...perhaps this helps understand. I'm no psychologist so I won't blah about why, maybe you just love him every day a little bit more...?

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Sentinel

Hi Jes,

You want to know why you feel like you should push away something good? Honey, it's because we learned for so long, that although things look good, and it might be good for awhile, that in the end we get hurt really bad. We fear good things because of that conditioning. We have to learn to trust again.

To allow ourselves to open up to someone in a commitment type relationship is scary. We give our whole heart, only to be trashed and tossed aside. You must let your new guy truly know how you are feeling. That you are afraid.

If he is a good guy, he will be patient and kind and loving, and you will gradually learn to trust him. Even if the relationship doesn't mean it is going to last, you will grow and learn from the experience.

You deserve good things. You are a worthwhile human being. You are worthy to be loved in the right way, so allow yourself the pleasure of this new learning experience. You will grow from it.

Some guys like to be care-givers, so be strong and don't let him feel llike he is your only "source of rescue". That way, you won't feel obligated to him, and he won't feel burdened in any way. Relationships are tough, but he didn't give up on you.

Best Wishes!

Solace

Jesika,

Some jealousy is normal in a relationship as long as it doesnt overwhelm you to the point where you are smothering your partner. Being possessive is very stressful for both. It will eat you up and it may cause him to resent or even distance himself from you. When you really love someone and become intimate with that person, you realize it is on a much deeper level than just casual sex, flirting etc. It sounds to me like you have grown as a person from your experiences and value him very much. You have bonded and you may be afraid you could lose him to another woman. I would just love him and let him know how much he means to you. Dont waste the time you spend together on jealousys and insecuries. Allow yourself to be happy. As long as someone enjoys spending time with you, they shouldnt have any reason to look elsewhere. They would want to be with you all the time. It would just happen automatically.

MegaDude

Jess,

I could write a post as thick as a Watchtower volume on this subject, but more simply put:

Don't try to love yourself through someone else.

Love yourself. Love others. Let other people love you.

Please help me understand why....................

Share this