Is it possible.... (page 2)

I think the traumatic impact of any experience leaves a mark. Well all experiences do but the traumatic ones somehow need to be identified as something "out of the normal" that we have experienced and overcome - hopefully overcome.

As part of any recovery process we need to identify ourselves as "one who has been affected by..." In this case it is the JWs. As an incest survivor I went through a time where the recovery process from those experiences, meant I needed to claim that identity as "victim" or "survivor" as part of my process. As I moved along in the healing process I needed that identity less and was able to claim other parts of myself and use those to identify myself mother, divorcee, student, counselor, silentlamb, abused wife, etc.) With certain groups I will still use the "incest survivor" (or any of the other labels) because it is useful and appropriate.

I think the same is true for those of us who have been traumatized by the WTS either through the DFing experience or the shunning and loss of family, friends and community. It might be that since the JW identity is so strong and places personal identity in the background and only allowing the JW personality to present itself, that we need to claim the "exJW" identity as part of the process of discovering who we are without it. Especially for those who have grown up with only the JW label, the need to use the ex-JW label is crucial to discovering who we are today apart from that. I think the label is important for the transition period from who we thought we were to who we really are. And that takes time.

The whole recovery movement is about labels. Sadly some stay stuck in the label - most often those most damaged and most alone. The community here (or anywhere else ex-JWs gather) allows us to process where we were and helps us to share our experience. It helps us to realize we are not alone. The label connects us to others in a very important way. It is a way to explain what we may not even have words to explain. Because the experience is shared we don't need volumes of words to explain the effects of this experience. The label works in a real and powerful way.

The label also works to set us free. It is a statement "I was there but I am here now". It is a proclamation of freedom. Powerful indeed.

ashitaka

Well, I'm hoping to, in five years or so, not even remember my JW experiences. So yes, I think it is possible, as long as there is BEER!!!!LOL

ash

minimus

If you divorce your spouse, they will always be your ex.

StinkyPantz

I know an ExAmish. .

Simon

I recently had a discussion with someone about this.

I used to be a JW

I am currently an Ex-JW

I will one day be an Ex-Ex-JW and leave all things related to JW-ness behind me, this board and all. We'll probably keep in touch with a few of the good friends we've made but because we are friends and not just have the same, shared past.

It will be interesting to see the internet in 10 years time and probably see a whole new bunch of names of people in the same stages that we are all in, discussing various topics, working things out. Who know, some posters may even be still around but I'd hope that many would have been able to move on. I wwonder if anyone will remember 'us' here?

DakotaRed

The only time I'm known as an exJW is here online. Most people I know in real life just know me as me, with some knowing I was affiliated with the JWs. Here is also the only place I refer to myself as an exJW. But, I also know I didn't get the JW treatment near as bad as many of you did.

Lew W

blondie

I come from an abusive family. I have broken my ties with them and made a new life. But people always ask, how's your family? Even people adopted as children wonder about their birth parents. If you still have family in the WTS, can you really leave totally?

I used to say I had no childhood. Now I say I had a bad childhood with a few good moments. Can we cut off that part of our life? Can we have a house without a foundation?

When people lose a limb, they still feel like it is there.

Just musing, about can you ever leave home?

Blondie

terabletera

it's sort of like walking out of a bathroom with toilet paper stuck on your shoe, sometimes you just don't know when your JWism is showing! Heehee

pettygrudger

I've never actually called myself an "ex-JW". If the matter of religion comes up, I might relay that I used to be a JW, I also used to dabble in Budhism. The only place I hear this expression is here, or the media.

So, I just consider myself "Rhonda" and my handle isn't "ex-JW", its "mother of my children".

Is it possible....

kelsey007

Lady Lee