by onacruse 28 Replies latest jw friends
My personal experience with people who consider themselves "Straight Shooters" is that they are just using this as an excuse to be rude. Kinda like people who use "Freedom of Speech" as a means to openly insult others.
I believe in honesty tempered with kindness ....
"It is better to keep silent and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt" - Abraham Lincoln
I believe in honesty as well, and that's gotten me in trouble a few times, but I also believe that you can remain silent and still keep your honesty and integrity intact. I think the trick is figuring out when to speak up and when to keep silent.
xena,
: My personal experience with people who consider themselves "Straight Shooters" is that they are just using this as an excuse to be rude. Kinda like people who use "Freedom of Speech" as a means to openly insult others.
: I believe in honesty tempered with kindness ....
Nice platitudes. Unfortunately, they only work in an ideal world with reasonable people who can be reasoned with. There are many, many circumstances where your model doesn't work.
If you will look through the archives and see how I dealt with such people as "jst2laws" when he first started expressing himself, you will see that I've followed the very model you just described. In fact, I've followed your model a quite a few discussions. So I can hardly disagree that it doesn't work.
It doesn't always work, though. For example, are you willing to assert that your model would work in a war where a Country is trying to turn farm-boys into killing machines who kill on order and without thought? How "kindly" would you tell them to do this with the assurance that they would do this upon command? No! Your model doesn't work in such an example. These recruits need to be broken down and re-built into killing machines and "kindness" just won't make them the kind of soldiers they need to be.
Watchtower defenders are a similar challenge. Sometimes it takes a big shock to wake them up. Sometimes it takes a LOT of big shocks to wake them up. They ARE sleeping in their little world, by the way
Sometimes ONLY a big shock will wake those sleeping minds up. Sometimes patience and kindness and support will do the same thing. Knowing when and what to do with each individual person is the key.
It's not an easy thing to know. Sometimes we just take chances. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're not. But NO model is perfect for everyone.
And no, xena, I'm not attacking you. I'm just adding my thoughts. There is a difference.
Farkel
lol I didn't take it as an attack Farkel....because your honesty was expressed in a thoughtful non provocatiave way....I guess that is part of my point that I should have elaborated on....the different ways an honest opinion can be conveyed or expressed.
Yes you are right sometimes it is necessary to be blunt.....so I guess I would have to say that I have found different types of honesty expressed in different types of ways tends to work best for me....so then I hereby change my posted view to be:
Honesty in varying degrees expressed in different manners contingent on the circumstances and my audience is MY best policy
fwiw, I think this exchange between Farkel and Xena is an excellent example of honesty without demerit.
My non-participation in threads that provoke unnecessary confrontation is proof enough that I don't subscribe to that dimension of "honesty at any cost."
"Heart on the sleeve" is one thing...slapping that sleeve across somebody's face is entirely another.
Craig
My personal experience with people who consider themselves "Straight Shooters" is that they are just using this as an excuse to be rude.
Hey xena,
I don't think this is always true. Some people yes....those that are buttholes in the first place. I usually only get rude here....and I know...I shouldn't. I think the reason it happens here is JW residual.
We got burned bad over religion, God, trusting. So when someone tries to snowball us again with similar types of bullshit....up goes our red flags to do battle cuz we ain't lettin it happen again. Especially do I feel this way towards dingleberry's who choose to be braindead or just like to stir trouble.
As I said gumby this was based on MY PERSONAL experience. I have found that most (lol another qualifier) people who identify themselves as being "honest no matter what the cost" are basically just rude. Pure and simple, they will tell you they don't care if it hurts your feelings cause that is just the way they are, darn straight shooters! Funny thing is most tend to not like it very much when the harsh light of honesty is shown back on them and their feeling are hurt in the process.
But you and Farkel are right, there are TIMES when you need to be blunt, when nothing else will suffice. I was, though, mainly talking about people who consider this approach to be best ALL the time, not just when occassion demands it.
Honest
Xena,
I was a lurker on H2O for a while and then came to JWD. I remember thinking to myself 'these apostates are rude people'. I linked their lack of civility to their lowered spiritual state because they had left 'the truth'. A lot of those "straight shooters" have moved on.
One I thought of as a RUDE "straight shooter" was Farkel. So when I finally got brave enough to post as a JW semi apologist, I was too timid to even respond to Farkel.
Above Farkel said:
If you will look through the archives and see how I dealt with such people as "jst2laws" when he first started expressing himself, you will see that I've followed the very model you just described. In fact, I've followed your model a quite a few discussions. So I can hardly disagree that it doesn't work.
IT WORKS. I even developed an instant friendship with the one I had thought of as The King of Insults (after all, didn't he coin the phrase "Dipf???". What is that anyway?) He is a straight shooter, but usually only kills those who 'needed killing' to borrow a southern phrase. I am thankful for the way Farkel treated me, because he treated me kindly, like a friend. Thanks again Fark. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=3642&site=3
However, there have been and still are some who seem to shoot indiscriminately. I for one prefer to be kind to all. There is a place for straight shooting. I guess I'm still timid about guns. Shooters sometimes kill the innocent.
Jst2laws
Shooters sometimes kill the innocent.
Well said! Which is why I say, everyone should be nice. (I know impossible) But you never know when the slightest thing you say can push someone over the edge, or bring them back and make their life worth living.
Just my thoughts
