Hi AW, from one potential fader to another. Everyone's situation is different. It depends on your family situation, the body of elders where you once attended or attend, your status within the congregation. Just keep reading and sifting out what you need. I have a wonderful site that is helping me to discover other Bible translations (besides the 20 hard-copy Bibles I have).
Step down from privileges and what? FADE?
by Alligator Wisdom 26 Replies latest jw experiences
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Prisca
If you want to do the slow fade, just remember something - keep your mouth shut.
If the elders and other JWs ask you questions, such as why aren't you out in field service as much, do you have any doubts about the "truth", etc, you are under no obligation to tell them anything. Be vague, be non-committal, ask for some "space" so that you can "sort yourself out".
They will hopefully leave you alone, although they will be putting pressure on your wife to be strong despite your "spiritual weakness".
With your wife, don't bombard her with facts and statements all at once. Slowly introduce things to her, to allow her JW-mindset to adjust and learn to think outside the square.
Good luck
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Pleasuredome
hi alli and welcome
take things one step at a time mate. there's a lot to learn. i've just recently stopped going to meetings after spending about a year investigating certain issues. in the end the meetings became hell to go to because of knowing the hypocrisy that was taught, so that was the right time for me to leave.
one thing you have to learn is not to fear. if you fear them then they will win.
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metatron
Tell them you are depressed. As others have counseled,
keep your mouth shut, say nothing critical about the
organization. This especially true if they follow the
Society's letter on the matter and refuse to let you resign
at least until the C.O. visits.Good Luck with all of it. It's a tough transition but
the Watchtower doesn't allow any other route to follow
except this - to obtain freedom.metatron
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Shakita
Hi AW:
Everyone who learns the "truth about the truth" must find their own way to disassociate themselves from the life they once held to be the only way to have a relationship with God. Congratulations on finding your way out and keeping your integrity to your true feelings! May I suggest with your wife to always approach the subject with baby steps. When the other spouse is still very much in, and you want to tell them everything you know about the WTBS, sometimes it is best to take it alittle at a time. Or, they might just totally rebel and not listen to you at all! That is how my husband and I started our slow fade out. Baby steps. And, I agree with metatron, use the "sickness/depressed/gotta work" excuse. All the years they lied to you, you can throw some it back in their face now.
My husband and I are doing the fading thing ourselves. In fact, I think we have all but disappeared. It's been about 6 months since we had a "miss you visit" by the brothers and sisters. And, no calls encouraging us to "come back to the kh." But, in your case, I would get some advice from some of the ex-ministerial/ex-elders on this board to help you in your slow fade, since it will be more difficult for you with your position.
We wish you all the best in your new found freedom of mind and in hope your wife will join you soon.
Mrs. Shakita
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gumby
Welome!
She feels that I have the right to feel the way I do.
That statement from your wife should be cherished! Myself and others on the board are not that LUCKY....(And I didn't get attacked by demons for saying lucky) LOL
The one thing about the fading idea is what you are seen doing by the Witnesses. Will you go to Church some where to "check it out"?
Will you Smoke, vote, or any other thing that if you were seen you'd get sqeeled on?
My point is I think the fade thing is also best, but you will have to watch what you do in public. The society once said that if a person were to drift away......and a reasonable amount of time had passed, where the person was not identified with the congregation....there would be no need to take judicial action against some involved in serious sin.
That actually is double standards. I am disfellowshipped.....it has been 7 years....I am NOT identified with the congregation and everyone knows that......yet still I am shunned.
I hope things work out well for you and your wife.....
.....see ya around......Gumby
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acsot
I am also a Newbie, my first post was yesterday. I have had doubts for so long about the WTS and its teachings that when I ventured to read my first "apostate" piece of literature (about three months ago) I felt a huge burden lift off my shoulders. My situation is perhaps somewhat easier since I'm single and have recently had my elderly mother move in with me. Whenever she's not up to going to the meetings, neither am I. As for field service, I've just recently decided to use the "Watchtower definition" of lying: if it's not their right to know then it's not a lie. So I put in an "invented" field service report with a few hours, maybe a placement or two and no one's the wiser. However, it is more difficult for you since your wife is still a JW. In my situation, as far as door-to-door, I don't go to the field service group and use the excuse that I instead just take my mother out to do some informal street witnessing, (which means about 15 min. of my not doing much, then taking her to have coffee or lunch or see a movie). Maybe you could use a variation of the same theme (fatigue, stress or something work-related).
Also, try and find a different translation of the Bible to read - it's amazing what you'll come up with on your own without the WT twisted, guilt-ridden version of things.
Having found this board is a life-saver. Make sure to keep coming back.
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Sentinel
((((Alligator Wisdom))))
I want to welcome you here. You will find friends who truly understand your dilema, and loving, honest-hearted people, who have suffered through so much, just like you. We are growing and learning.
No one wants to be labeled as da'd or df'd, because that brings on the shunning and rejection from our loved ones and friends. Sometimes, that cannot be avoided, as the borg does not like anyone to simply "walk away". You understand what I mean, I'm sure.
How fortunate that your wife is supportive of you. I hope this continues, as this is a real plus, having a mate that loves you and understands your heart. Since your wife is a Pioneer, she probably is very active with everything, meetings, etc. When you continue to "not attend", a red flag will go up, and no doubt you will be visited by probing elders. They may or may not appreciate your reasons, and if you allow it, they will make you feel guity and your self-esteem could take another hit. I'm sure you know the tactics they use to keep members in line and under the control of the WTBTS.
Take this time to prepare yourself. You have the option of simply not being "available" to them, when they try to call or come by, but they can be quite persistant, and then, you may run into one on the street. The day usually comes when the "show-down" can't be avoided. Don't allow them to control you, because that is the only power they have.
I believe in the creators of the Universe, and I believe they love us very much. Unfortunately, we have all been duped by bible writers and church leaders, included JW's who twist and fabricate things. We have had, and continue to have "enlightened" persons who have walked the earth. I believe Jesus was one such individual. I don't believe that our purpose is to be a JW, a Baptist, a Lutheran, a Catholic, or whatever. We need only learn to do a few simple things, and our lives will fall into place. The first is to love one another. Our perceptions and cognitions as humans have been damaged, and we have become our own worse enemy. Before we can truly love another human being, we have to love ourselves.
It took me some twenty years after exiting the JW philosophy, to get my life together and to learn that I was a worthwhile human being. That I had not been forsaken, and that I wasn't doomed to die. I think it took me longer, because back when I was exiting, there was no internet available to me, and because, "I wasn't ready". It hurts to make changes in the way we live, and the way we perceive the world around us. I had lots of issues to work through. And, also, I believe that all our life's experiences are for a purpose, in that they help us to grow and become what we are supposed to be. This journey is different for everyone. I can now say, that I do not regret my experience with religion and JW's, for I am who I am because of all that I have experienced and lived through. We can look for the good and discard the rest.
My email is open, and I am a willing listener and a genuiene person, who cares deeply for anyone in pain, or anyone that is seeking the good things in life. By the good things, I mean the spiritual gifts that we all desire. I don't judge and I don't have all the answers, but if you are looking for a friend, here I am.
Love and Light
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jgnat
Welcome, Alligator. I am a "never been" but I have loved ones in, so I am regularly exposed to the WTS doctrines. I echo all the great advice you have received so far. I include a link here to Amazing's website. He led his whole family out of the society by gently guiding them through some independent bible studies.
Out of the many techniques the society uses to keeps its members in, the one that irritates me the most is it's extremely negative views of any other religion. Many converts are led to the society by it's description of the corruption and evils of all other faiths. Problem is, what is a person to do when they discover corruption within? Go faithless? The poor person is left adrift on the ocean without an anchor.
Here is a novel study technique you might enjoy. Ask yourself a question. i.e. "What does God desire most from me?". Then look yourself in the bible for an answer. Write down the answer in your own words. www.gospelcom.net has some great online bible search engines, so searching for a word or theme is easier than ever.
Also, the book Crisis of Conscience comes highly recommended.
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IslandWoman
Hi Alligator,
Several posters advised you to keep quiet about any disagreement with Watchtower teachings if you want to avoid disfellowshipping or disassociation. I agree!!
I know a family who started out doing that, but then spoke to a few close friends about their feelings. Well, the whole thing is all over the circuit now! The elders are asking direct questions trying to get them to say whether or not they support the Org. etc. They are now unofficially shunned by many in the hall.
So until you get your bearings and have thought things through, please do not discuss this with anyone but your wife, if you have already done so.
Hoping all the best for you and your family,
IW