I'm in BIG trouble!

by radiolady 20 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  radiolady

  I haven't written in a long time...and I guess there's no excuse...being too busy should never be an excuse for not keeping up with your family; and that's what you guys are...one big family. You're the only ones who really, truely understand. At first I didn't want to write what I'm going through in here...I was embarrassed. But then I thought; who better to tell and to talk to...

  The explanation behind the title of this message... I've never been in THIS kind of financial trouble before. Sure I've been short on cash before...almost everyone has; so I've never seen the need to talk about it...you get through it. But this is the first time I've ever felt like I just don't want to get up in the morning and I don't want to live...I don't think I would classify myself as suicidal; I just feel like there's no way out for me right now. And the thing about it is; I don't owe that much. Whatever a person owes...it doesn't matter; because if you don't have it; it doesn't matter whether it's $1 or $100...hell, it may as well be a million dollars!! Because of my divorce, my credit is bad (my ex-husband filed for banckruptcy on the very same day that he divorced me!); so I cannot get a loan, and since then my health has made it difficult for me to be able to keep up with full-time employment. I'm working full-time now...illness and all. I can see the loan officers now...looking at my credit report and howling with laughter! "She thinks she's getting a loan???" So, I've been living from paycheck to paycheck. To me, it's not that bad...as long as you pay the essentials ie. Electric, rent, car repairs etc. So, now, I'll be behind in my rent. Both of my cars had broken down; resulting in us having to take a cab to work which cost $24 a day round trip each. I'm not complaining; because like I tell my daughter...there is always someone else who is way worse off than you are. (This is just a small detail of what's happening right now); I've got my back up against the wall; needing to pay back some money by Monday. (that's a long story; but if I don't get it back this week coming up; I may go to jail...let's put it that way). My last day on the job at that particular place was on Friday...either way...I'm in really deep doo doo and I don't know what to do. I'm looking around the house for things I can pawn...anything short of selling my ass. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me...I don't feel sorry for me...I'm just scared right now. I'm sure I'll look back on these times in the future and realize that maybe it wasn't all that bad...but right now; I just can't see it that way yet. It's depressing, I'm upset, anxious and feeling a little crazy and desparate. I want you to know that I love you guys, even though you may not hear from me very often...I'm still here, and I still care about what goes on in our group. I look forward to getting to know everyone a little better soon.

  Thanks for reading my rantings...I appreciate your patience.

  Love;

  Tammy aka Radiolady

  [email protected]

  Edited by - radiolady on 4 November 2002 22:33:5
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  Kingpawn

  First, take a few deep breaths.

  So you're behind on the rent. If it's not so much your landlord's going to kick you out right away, we'll get to that later.

  Cars are bad. Do you need both, or is this because they break down frequently? If you don't need both, maybe you can sell and get something more reliable. Or get ahead on repairs to head off future breakdowns. Can you carpool? Get a ride part-way to work and take cheaper cabs from there? Trade rides for doing babysitting? Trying to brainstorm here. Move closer to work?

  Food--anything cheaper nearby? Peas are peas--don't have to be brand name. Eat out less. Cut down on pizzas, etc.

  Other bills--what can you do without? Cable? Internet? Change suppliers for power, gas, etc? Newspaper needed? Can any meds be generic? Any benefits at work you can change--go from family to single coverage for health insurance? Drop those you're rarely going to use, like dental or vision?

  Need a loan. Scout around. Compare rates. Credit union you can join and get cheaper rates? Refinance any loans?

  Problem with some of these is, if they'll help, can you hang on long enough until the benefits kick in? Maybe borrow from those who won't be as pushy about repayment to pay off those who are, and buy time.

  Wish I could help more. As a last esort--you understand--tell me some people on here who know you and I'll dig into reserves if you absolutely need a loan so you're not out on the street.

  KP
• 

  shera

  Hi,

  Welcome back.

  Well,I hope things get better for you soon.I searching for some words to help make you feel better,sometimes that can be hard.....

  We are here for you to vent and I will never judge you.Take care and *hugs*.
• 

  COMF

  Hi, Tammy,

  when a person is down and out like you describe, what's needed is immediate relief in the form of money, food, solutions to health problems, and other tangible things. Pep talks aren't good for much. I know because I have been there.

  Be that as it may, I will tell you this for what it's worth.

  Seven years ago this past June, I had no job and no home. I owned three changes of clothes, and a car that was 600 miles away and had two flat tires, an exhaust system that needed replacing, and an expired inspection sticker. I had a long list of bad debts on my credit report.

  I managed to get a full time job (that's the biggest factor in this success story, keeping a job). I managed to rent a single room in an old, run-down boarding house with seven other people. My attendance and performance on the job got the attention of a manager of another department and I was moved to a better job (no immediate raise, but substantial raises over the coming years). I stayed in the boarding house for about four years, becoming its manager after a while. Meanwhile, I started to pay off back debts on my credit. I did this a little at a time as I could scrape up the money, and I spoke with representatives of the companies in person, by telephone, to get them to understand that I was serious and get their cooperation.

  After four years in the boarding house, I moved in with my girlfriend and began splitting the cost of her house payment, still nickel-and-diming my bad debt record. After five years on that job, she got a better paying job in Dallas and I came here with her. I took a couple of months off from work while she supported us, and studied hard to build my skills in my field for the fiercer competition I expected to find in Dallas (it turned out I was already ahead of most of them, but I had no way of knowing that til I got here). After three months I got hired for a position paying exactly double what I had been making at the previous job. A year later, my girlfriend and I split up and I rented a house for myself. Still continued to pay off back debts.

  In June of 2002, seven years after I was jobless and homeless, I qualified for a mortgage and bought a house. A couple of months later my bank gave me a Visa card with a limit much higher than I would have had the nerve to ask for. A month after that Sears approved me for their version of Mastercard. I told my friend, "It seems that if you live on cash, you can't get credit. But if you stick your neck out on the chopping block to the tune of $121,000 for the next 30 years, they figure if you can balance that much debt you can balance a lot more, too."

  I'm not saying that it works this quickly for everybody. Health is an important factor; I've seldom been sick and have probably only missed about 15 days of work in the past seven years. Being able to find a good job is also a factor. But my attitude had a lot to do with it too, Tammy. Through it all I worked hard at keeping a positive outlook, telling myself that I could handle the stresses that came up, the setbacks and disappointments. The atmosphere of hopelessness was just that... an atmosphere. It was a feeling, an attitude, that I either carried around inside me, or rejected in favor of hope and determination. The atmosphere didn't come with the setbacks; I either developed it myself, or chose not to.

  I know that it's easy to say that now from the apparent security of my present position; and I'm well aware that it could all come crashing down around me with something as simple as a reorganization at work (the IT field is presently glutted with unemployed developers flipping fries and mowing lawns.).

  I tell you this story so that you will know it's possible to rebuild from the ruins. It's slow going and takes patience and, most of all, strong determination and a strongly positive attitude. But those things feed on themselves; nurture them and they will become a habit and a way of life.

  I hope things pick up for you very soon. Blessings.

  Fred
• 

  radiolady

  Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I will take all of your suggestions and kind words into consideration. I know I was a little vague in my explaination as to what is happening right now; but it would be like writing a book if I went into too much detail. I will keep you posted within the next series of posts to tell you how I'm doing. I've always been a fighter. I'm the one in my family that everyone else goes to for help...for whatever reason. I'm the middle child; the caretaker. Sometimes you spend a lot of your time and energy and money helping other people and then when you need help....there's dead silence, and all of a sudden no one has any money. Both of my cars are beaters. One of them is an 87 Mazda 323 that doesn't work. I spent $398.00 on a new fuel line only to discover that it still doesn't work. (Once I get my head together, I'm doing some investigative reporting on the garage that worked on my car...I found out that they have a history of screwing up peoples cars on purpose; once I got it back from them and took it some place else, the new place said that they had unplugged my alternater...I was like..."well no wonder it doesn't work"...anyways, I don't have the energy to pursue that right now). My other car is a 91 Mitsubishi Eclipse. I just replaced the radiator...it was leaking everywhere and over heating, and was found to have holes in it; it was the original radiator and had just seen it's last day. That was $400. I know good and well these parts don't cost that much! It's the damn labor! So, I've got my one car working and I'm very thankful for that. I need immediate money...like right now. I can't get a loan; no one will give me one...it doesn't matter how much money I make...they won't do it. I've got Fibromyalgia and degerative disc disease; but I don't care because I get up every morning at 4am and by 6am I'm on the radio...six days a week. I like to say that I'm part of the forgotten class in America...the working poor. I'll keep working if I have to crawl to work! My daughter is 23 and is fighting the same illness; she lost everything...her car, her job, her apartment...she was so sick...and now she lives with me. I have a positive attitude and I was encouraged so much by what Fred had to say...it gave me hope. I just gotta get out of this immediate hole I'm in and I've got about 5 days to do it!

  Thanks for being there; and feel free to email me if you'd like: [email protected]
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  SixofNine

  Hey COMF, very nice thoughts! Did I tell you that now that I've gone digital I seldom shoot negatives and almost never shoot positives; cuz who needs the transparency anymore?
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  jurs

  Radiolady,

  Hi ! I hope things get better soon for you. Being broke certainly can be stressful. Feel free to unload your burdens here. Take Care jurs
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  jst2laws

  radiolady,

  You have recieved some good responses here from friends. Hang on. All things pass in time.

  J2
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  Joyzabel

  (((((((((((((radiolady))))))))))))))))))

  its been too long!. And I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

  Comf gave you excellent advice. Take one day at a time.

  Have you tried any charities near you? Sometimes Salvation Army helps as well as agencies working through the local health department can find money for rent/utilities.

  Please don't be a stranger and let us know how you work things out. If nothing else, come and vent here. We understand.

  Hugs,

  j2bf
• 

  flower

  Hey Tammy,

  I haven't talked to you since I moved to Massachusetts, things have been hectic and I havent kept in touch with my friends like I should have. Please email me. [email protected]

  flower