((((((teejay))))))))
You ARE a good man.
But I have to say to others on this Board, it doesn't necessarily have to be religion that distances one sibling from another.
I have a brother. Our older sister dropped dead at 43. My brother is 4 years younger than me. There is a vast chasm between us because he absolutely makes NO, zero, zip, nada effort at being a member of my family and hasn't since he left high school (when our father died).
When he got married, I was not invited. (Although I eloped, so I guess I shouldn't complain.) When he christened his first daughter, I was not invited. (Wasn't a dub, then.) When he left his first wife and daughter, went to California, got in debt -- I sent him money to get home to them. When he got busted on a drug possession charge, I paid the lawyer (a friend of mine, whom I paid because my brother did NOT, and I was embarassed.) When my sister died, I paid for his airfare and hotel room for the funeral, because he wouldn't have been able to attend. (I was a dub by then.) He inherited a large sum from her, insurance money, and did not even ask if I'd like to be reimbursed. When my brother grew up a little more, divorced his first wife and moved north to be closer to our mother, I helped him get there. I paid to have him and my mother spend Thanksgiving with us one year at our house in Florida so that he could see my niece who lives there -- he never went to see her. I paid to have his first daughter fly north to spend Christmas with him and her grandma and meet her Texas and NJ cousins. When he married his second wife, I wasn't invited to the wedding. When they got into debt, I bailed them out. When they had their first baby together, I did get an e-mail notification. The following Thanksgiving we drove to my mother's (600 miles away) to be able to meet the new baby and spend the holiday for the first time in umpteen years together at Mom's with our families. On Thanksgiving Day, he informed us he would not be eating dinner with us, they were going to her family's. (Her relatives are all local, btw.) He stopped by and I let him have it. I finally, finally, told him that I would not be reaching out to him any longer. If he wanted family, he would have to contact ME.
Several months later he apologized. I accepted warily. When he and his wife lost a premature son, he related the sad story to me via e-mail. When they had a new daughter a little over a year later, he sent me an electronic birth announcement. He is now depressed, seriously ill and trying to get disability while living with my mother. When I tried to commiserate, I was told that I couldn't possibly relate because I am a "Princess" and don't live in the real world.
I am done.
No more money (actually I should have made THAT commitment to myself loooonnnggg ago!), and no more contact unless he initiates it. He has never paid me one thin dime back. I always gave him the money (except for this last time) knowing that it was a 'gift' and not a loan.
I love my brother, too. I still worry about his health and his family. I worry that the kids will have a lousy Christmas this year. I have to stop myself from sending gifts and more money.
In this case, I am tired of being rejected and tired of reaching out.
out