HARD TIME DEALING WITH DEATH PROSPECT

by Mary 13 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mary

  I was talking to my parents one day last week, and they were discussing somewhat, arrangements they've made for when they die. Even though I've known for many years now that Armageddon isn't "right around the corner", it still came as a thunderbolt to hear them talk about WHEN they die........not "IF we die before the end of this System of Things"........at this moment, I cannot conceive of my parents dying; largely because I was always told I wouldn't have to see them die, the New System will be here long before that happens. Now that I'm faced with the reality of having to lose them one day (they're both 71), I'm having an extremely hard time dealing with it and I cry every day.

  Is this a normal reaction for ANYONE to have? Or is it harder for Witnesses or ex-Witnesses because we were "promised" eternal life without facing death?
• 

  RandomTask

  Of course! Having freinds, close family members die is a sad experience and you should feel "normal" for having these feelings. In fact death in itself is sad, but it is something that we all must face. Knowing that however, helps us know better how to deal with life.

  I think that witnesses who are still believing this lie are worse off because they mortgage this life in order to gain some other life that is supposed to be better, but is unfortunately a fairy tale. Better to know the truth and start living THIS life, the life that is real.
• 

  Francois

  You ask a poignant question. Perhaps part of your emotional reaction is that of being lied to, of having your expectations deflated by reality. Suggest you read Moody's "Life After Life" if you can find a copy.
• 

  minimus

  I'm sorry to hear about your sadness. The truth is that we will all die, sooner or later. We can't ignore it, either. As Witnesses, we were told and brought up with the notion that we would never die. We have to learn to overcome that false idea. Perhaps some reading material on the subject of how we handle death could be helpful....Good luck!
• 

  Mary

  Francois said: Perhaps part of your emotional reaction is that of being lied to, of having your expectations deflated by reality.

  You're absolutely right........for years I totally and completely believed that the Big A would be here long before now, and what a wonderful feeling that was to think that I'd never have to see my parents die. I feel betrayed, I feel like a fool for believing these lies and I'm angry and the whole damn thing.

  Suggest you read Moody's "Life After Life" if you can find a copy.

  I read it years ago.........quite interesting.........I've always wondered if there was, indeed, a life beyond this one. I know the JWs teach that there's not (except for a few precious 144,000), but seeing as they've lied and twisted the scriptures on so many other things, I'm at least of the opinion that there could be life beyond death. Out of it all, that's the only thing I find comforting: thinking that maybe when we die, it isn't the end of the road.......
• 

  ugg

  i think it is worse for witnesses.....a person always thinks the big A is right around the corner....a dose of reality can be shattering.....i am thinking of you mary,,,,no words of wisdom,,,just hugs!!
• 

  bigfloppydog

  Dying is a part of life, you live you die. Some parents find it in the best interest of their children to prepare them for when their (the parents time comes) I believe it is the parents way of easing some of the burden off their children. I have heard other parents comment about getting certain parts of the procedure done, some have even gone to funeral homes, and filled out the necessary papers that is required ahead of time. Some funeral homes have such papers sitting out in the open, so if people wish to take them home, may do so. When you reach a certain age, you start thinking about a time when you will be gone and your children will still be here, and some people even tell their children ahead of time what personal pieces of property ie. jewelery etc. they want their children to have. Some have even written letters to their children and have put them away for their children to read later on when they are gone.
• 

  Mum

  ((((Mary))))

  I do think most of us expect our parents to die some time or other, and being deceived about reality probably is taking its toll on you. I was advised on another thread to just try to enjoy the time left with the family that remains, and this is also applicable to your situation. Try to appreciate the fact that they're still living and be grateful that they have lived so long. Then think of ways you can add to their comfort and well being while they're still around.

  It's hard to know what to do with those feelings you're having. Have you talked to a counselor/therapist? Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book called "On Death and Dying" some years ago which has been helpful to many. But don't read her more recent works, as she has gotten weird, talking to beings from other dimensions and such.

  Do you have siblings you can share your feelings with? If not, do you have close friends who will understand? Don't suffer alone. Ask for help if you need it.

  Take care,

  Sandra
• 

  Nathan Natas

  First, Mary, I assure you that feeling grief as one contemplates the eventual demise of their beloved parents is a normal thing. Having been raised as JWs, though, we know there is a little something "extra" going on. What might it be?

  Most other religions, Christian or otherwise, teach that somehow something continues after the death of the body, and this is a source of comfort for many.

  The WTS, of course, teaches that death is simple non-existence, but they sweeten that prospect with the thrilling news that "Millions Now Living Will NEVER Die!" becasue millions will simply waltz across the corpse-strewn threshold of Armageddon into Jehovah's Eternal Edenic Floral Scented Paradise (tm).

  I myself am one of the millions of former JW children now living who have had their exectations twisted by WTS dogma. No non-JW or person who became a JW as an adult can grasp what effect books like "From Paradise Lost To Paradise Regained" has on a child.

  When I was a JW child I simply "turned off" any thoughts of grief for the death of any person. My grandfather dies - no big deal - he was a Roman Catholic who persecuted my JWW mom. I felt nothing. JFK was assasinated - I felt nothing - he was wrapped up in the politics of this Satanic System. There may have been others, but here weren't many.

  After I made my break from the JWs a woman that I knew professionally was murdered by an ex-con who had befriended her. He stabbed her to death and set her house on fire to conceal his crime.

  THAT was an eye-opener, and I first felt what true human grief was about.
• 

  PurpleV

  Mmm hmm, the whole thing sucks.

  I won't even go into what went through my head when I left and realized that I was going to die... having been taught since toddlerhood that I would not.

  I wish my parents HAD made pre-arrangements for their departure. My father died at 79 with cancer, leaving me with a 73 yr old mom with Alzheimer's knocking around in a big old house with stairs and gas stove and etc., she almost set the house on fire and fell down several times and got bruises, eventually she had to go live in assisted living in Fla. near my sister.

  But that's not the point. They both denied any responsibility for their old age/death... they made NO plans, NO allowances. They left it all to their kids to deal with. If I hadn't insisted they sign power of attorney and living wills, the whole thing would have been a thousand times more of a nightmare than it was... My mother insisted she could live in that big old house alone, and she absolutely could not.

  Everything would have been so much better for EVERYONE had they made arrangments for their old age.

  So get those documents. And be glad they are willing to take responsibility for some of this. Trust me, they're going to die, and it's gonna suck. I offer you my sincerest condolences ahead of time, may it be many, many years away. It really, really hurts, and I am sending you a big hug.

  Sorry if I sound callous, I don't mean to. I'm trying to save you some of the unexpected grief and reality that I faced, in the same circumstances, watching JW parents leave this earth.

  But if you are prepared, it helps a lot.

  OH, and BTW, the witnesses were of zero use and comfort through this whole thing. NO ONE offered to bring my mom food, or clean her house, take her to the doctor or even freakin VISIT her after my dad died. We got one casserole on Funeral Day. Then, nothing. It was all up to her Apostate Daughter (me) to do it all, and when they ran into me it was like they sucked on a lemon ("Rrrr, how is your mother? Not that well? SO sorry. DO give her our regards, gotta run!"