Along a similar line, I know my 80 year old mother has said about me and/or one of my other siblings - to other jw's and non jw's alike - "He (they) know it's the truth". She makes this statement knowing full well that I (we) DO NOT "know it's the truth". I've also wondered what to do/say about it.
What do you suggest I do about this?
by Mulan 21 Replies latest jw friends
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DakotaRed
Matilyn, what she says doesn't really matter. Just let it go, as I see you did. She is 90, afterall and doesn't always know what she is doing. You know the truth and what others think has no bearing on you.
Be thankful she is still with you, regardless of things she says.
Lew W
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glitter
What if you correct what she said to someone and either they or somebody they tell betrays you (even accidentally) to the elders? You could get DF'd for apostasy or something then your mum might not talk to you. I think you should just let her tell people what she wants to believe.
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jimbob
Marilyn...I can totally understand the frustration you might have of having anyone think you'd have regrets in leaving the org. I know if it was me, I'd probably casually mention something to let her know how happy you are and that you don't ever regret any decision you made regarding the truth. I have finally told my family...they actually took it okay...but the reason I gave was that I was burned out on it. If I said anything negative at all, they would probably label me an apostate..and I can't have that. So in a way..I feel a little frustrated like you, in that I'd like to be able to say everything I really feel, but I can't. So I guess if you feel like what your grandmother said won't really go any farther, then I'd probably let it go too. But if you think she's gonna blab that to every JW she talks with, then perhaps you might want to set her straight. I hate that they think that once you leave the org, your life is in ruins and you're soooooo unhappy, when it's quite the opposite. Anyway, the wife hasn't let her family know yet....I'm sure it's just a matter of days now. Take care..
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Mulan
Good news, jimbob. Thanks for the advice. I was mulling over doing something like that too. Just have to phrase it carefully, so she isn't suspicious. She is VERY suspicious anyway.
By the way, it's my Mom. She and my Dad live with us.
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jimbob
Sorry about that Marilyn....I knew it was your mother...it's just when I hear someone being 90, I just automatically think of them as grandma or grandpa.... I'm sure whatever you decide will turn out okay. Glad you didn't mind my 2 cents.
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LB
Hey mom, you'll never guess what someone told me today. They actually said I regret leaving the truth. Can you imagine someone making up a story like that? I love you mom, just thought you'd get a kick out of that.
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gumby
Dave was the first to say it and is my thoughts also. You have to quit caring about what Witnesses think of you.
I am guilty too and still care. I want them to know I'm a good guy but NEVER want to go back.
I feel them knowing I won't come back is a seed for them to ask why? Does't Larry know something that We don't know. I still don't like to smoke around any of them as many live on my street. I don't know why I want to give a good impression but I do. I want them all OUT of the Borg and want to stay on good terms.
Bottom line.....I'm a wuss and a half.
I think people may take into consideration your mothers age and may not give a lot of thought to what she said. If they thought you wanted to come back you would at least visit the Hall......and you haven't. I think all the dubs in your area, and those that know you also know your a sincere Apostate! LOL
Edited by - Gumby on 12 November 2002 23:27:5
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KGB
I think a lot of us have these same problems with our JW family. Your not going to change her because of her age for one and the other ? Well they are so damned brain washed they do not know how to think differently.
gumby is right he is a wuss..............................
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Iwasyoungonce
Mulan,
This is one of those OH so frustrating issues. It seems that those in "there" will only hear what they want to hear. One personal story when some of my JW family worked for me; I told my mother in law that it seems like she and the elders act as if these employees are not to talk to anyone unless it is 100% job related and that will not work. She then went behind my back and told everyone that "through her" I said that the jw employees are not to talk to anyone unless it is absolutly required for work. (Which is not what I said and not what was meant. It is what she said through biblical jargon.)
When I found out what she had said a few weeks later I confronted her. I said that she was saying that "scripture" as she calls it demands that the person (who is my sister in law) not have any conversation that is not absolutley nessesary for work. I said no such thing. Her defense when confronted was "Well did you say the words "she is not to talk to anyone?" which I replied "you said it and I asked if that was what you were implying." And I told you that would her that will make her job miserable. All my mother in law said was "So you admit that you said those words." (she is nuts)
I'm sorry that your going through all of this. I opted out on all of it. And I'm still not completely free. Sometimes I wonder if I need to stop all contact with all things JW related. (Maybe like here.) I don't know.
Did you know that as a child you hear about 19 put downs and don'ts to every 1 good job or a "you did good." As we grow into adults we get in a horrible mindset. We can get 19 good jobs or a "you did good" and then get just 1 put down or negative comment and it wipes out all the comments that are good. (I believe that is Ericson psyc)
Have you ever noticed how things are going great no bad things and no jw things are in your mind everything is copastetic and then just one little trigger and boom it is dwell on it city. I have been working to reject that mentality. But it's tough.
Another thing that I do is make sure that I give as many positive comments as I can to my kids, my self, and my wife. I look for the good things that they,(and I) do and make sure to give praise. I even try to look over as many of the bads before I say OK I gota comment here this has to change. I find that as I do it that becomes a boomerang of good feelings. And that is good.
I doubt that will work with any jw and a free thinker relationship at least I failed miserably. But that does not mean that someone with more smarts or more will power can't be the one to walk the green mile of the relationship and get a stay of emotional execution.