Hi inaweout....
Although it's a difficult experience, there is light at the end of that long, dark, JW tunnel. Yes it can be over, and yes, jws (exjws) can move on. Several people at this site are in various stages of moving on.
I know the anger your boyfriend feels first hand. I felt that way right after the disillusionment of realizing that an organization that I had placed so much trust in betrayed that precious trust. Ask Enron employees and share holders how it feels to be betrayed. I'm sure many of them would feel much the same as an exjw. Many JWs (exjws) are not especially naive, lonely or socially inadequate. They, like me, were manipulated. Everyone can be manipulated. Everyone can be victimized. IMO, it's proper to be angry with those circumstances. It's like being robbed. It's a violation. Your boyfriend is right to feel that his standards have been breached. The anger stage takes as long as it takes to get over. If your boyfriend feels stuck in his anger and feels he should be moving past it by now, there are excellent resources out there. But that's up to your boyfriend, not you.
What helped me is that I wanted to succeed, at first in spite of the WT, and then I realized that the WT just didn't mean that much ... I realized, they don't lose sleep because of what they do to people, why on earth should I expend time and energy on them. Why should I lose out on happiness and living a full, rich life because of them... The best revenge is to have a wonderful life... hey, it works for me! I made a list of some of the things I've always wanted to do and started doing them. I started to go on long walks, write, paint. Try new things. I threw out every last little bit of WT crap I had in my house, and believe me, it was everywhere... that was quite a task. Every step I took felt like a step forward, and though it took some time, I now feel healed. Not 100% mind you, The scars are there, but I'm happy, productive, and I have moved on.
It may interest you to know that I visit this site because I feel a bond and empathy for people who went through a similar experience. It's a fairly unique experience, and most people, like you, just don't have a clue about it. It's healthy and productive to share with and support others. There is nothing strange about that and hey, it's a pleasant way to fill a couple of free hours.
You intimated that people who have had this experience will never lead happy and successful lives or have the same in relationships. It seems to me that you are being somewhat naive. Your comment seems indicative more of someone who is not prepared to be involved with a person who has such deep and resounding issues. Quite frankly, you may not have the maturity and the patience to go the distance with this fellow. It's too bad that you seem to condemn the person recovering from victimization just because you can't relate to the experience. It may turn out that the experience works to smooth some of your boyfriend's rough edges, and creates a deeply empathetic, warmly affectionate and loving fella. Or not. Patience has it's rewards, but they're only for the worthy.
In conclusion, I disagree with your conclusion. I was never doomed, just duped. It's was a temporary situation, and though I paid a high price, it's only history. And some day, it will be for your boyfriend too, with or without you.
Your welcome
Inq
