If I had any doubts concerning my decision to walk away, I certainly don't now. Thank you ARC.
I think I am feeling 20% anger, 30% disgust, 10% sadness, and 40% relief.
RC: an emotional trigger?
by sparrowdown 24 Replies latest jw friends
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FreeGirl2006
It has been mixed for me. All the anger I was never allowed to feel or express as a 10 year old is coming out but I have been channeling it in a positive way (emails to the RC). It is a good thing I am not in AU right now with how enraged I get listening to the bumbling and outright lies. We should be seeing humble contrition.
Spinks keeps saying he thinks of his children and grandchildren when looking at the policies--really??? That alone doesn't compel him to want change?
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Sail Away
I am taken aback by the level of anger, rage even, that I felt at the beginning of these hearings. Interestingly, in the years before my exit, my husband repeatedly pointed out that I was an angry person. I denied it and continued to to repress my painful cognitive dissonance.
I think experiencing this anger while feeling validated by the kind and competent men conducting the procedings has been tremendously healing for me. With my indoctrination blinders off, I can see these "shepherds" for who they really are-- very small, clueless and deceptive men.
Sparrowdown, thank you for your insightful and often biting, yet hilarious commentary!
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OrphanCrow
An emotional trigger?
Definitely. Big time. My mama rage is hard to keep bottled up. Maybe I need a skin bottle in which to put my anger.
The level of misogyny is horrific.
I was sickened by the description of how the elders "collect evidence".
What is being described as "evidence collecting" brings up mental images of all those elders we saw on the stand so far, all sitting around in a circle jerk sharing stories about child sex. Sometimes with the child doing the telling, sometimes just elders and the man accused. Questions about details of child sex. Doing it over and over again. Because "they don't have a confession yet". "Gotta go get that child to give us more details!"
Yuck. Bunch of perverts. They even have provision for an "observer" to the story collecting. Sounds like something that would happen in Thailand. A man pays to go sit in a room while a child tells him about sex and he gets to asks questions about all the details. While another man watches and listens. The judicial process comes complete with accomodation for a voyeur.
Free child sex stories.
Yuck, yuck, yuck.
And if they don't have enough of those stories, they can always find some wayward teen or wife to provide them with "details for investigation" into sex crimes/sins.
These stupid WT guys have picked, methinks, the wrong issue to take a stand on this time. Throw their asses in jail and leave them in the general population. Then they can find out how skinners are treated in that justice system. If they don't like this one, try that one out.
Emotional trigger? You betcha. I can't stand perverts. -
StrongHaiku
One of the things these hearings have done is remind me that these people (including my family) do not hold the moral high-ground. One of the biggest mistake I made over the years was thinking that they did. And, believing that they did really broke me.
There is not a minute of an hour of day of the year that I do not feel the after-effects of having been in this religion. Not content with taking everyone I loved taken from me, they have left me damaged to the point that I often have difficulty navigating through life and relationships. I often find myself "trying to be happy" as opposed to "being happy". I am often filled with guilt, regret, depression, and, at times, have felt suicidal. I'm still trying to fix all of the things these people broke.
I am an atheist, but this sentiment stands - "May they rot in Hell along with their attorneys..."
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Heaven
I can only watch so much of the hearings. I do hope positive change occurs but remain skeptical. -
sparrowdown
I find myself viewing more of this RC than I intended to, but it is proving to be valuable for the purpose of finally washing that cult right out of my hair.
I didn't think I had that many emotions left to purge over them, turns out that cults are the same as a high quality moisturizing shampoo ie "it really does get in."
Let's see what the lying bastards are going to say today.
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Iown Mylife
They ARE lying bastards and so full of hypocrisy it's leaking out their ears.
1. It doesn't matter if you lie to the authorities. GOD gives us authority to lie to them, because they don't have any business questioning God's organization!
2. We disfellowship for lying.
3. We disfellowship or reprove for drunkenness.
4. Except that elder's kid who got drunk and raised hell and had to be bailed out of clink. (Well jeez, that elder is practically carrying the expenses for the Hall!)
5. Tell the elders if you know of any serious wrongdoing.
6. (Sister Elderswife, we don't want to hear about how your husband gets drunk every night. He's a wonderful elder and everybody thinks he's great. AND he comes to all the meetings!)
7. Oh, that poor brother whose wife left him, you say he spent the night with a sister and they have only just begun dating? Well, ha ha har har, we can certainly understand why he did that, the poor guy, what's a guy gonna do, boys will be boys, men have their needs you know - hey wait a minute, what's YOUR motive in telling this?
Marina
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Dumplin
Newbie here and i'd just like to say - I'm glad I recently found all of you guys.
It's just like Bob Dylan wrote:
Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than people who are most content
I don’t have any regrets, they can talk about me plenty when I’m gone
You always said people don’t do what they believe in, they just do what’s most convenient, then they repent
And I always said, “Hang on to me, baby, and let’s hope that the roof stays on”
Brownsville girl.I quoted the words: "you can talk about me plenty when i'm gone" to an elder right before i left.
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Dagney
Oh my gosh is it ever!! It's been an emotional roller coaster for me. Last week I was in such a bad angry mood, I really had to sort it out. What were the triggers...
For one thing, those testimonies of the now women, they were heartbreaking in their brutal honesty. I could feel every word.
By the end of the week though, I was feeling much better with the handling by the RC. Angus is fantastic.
But I realize I'm not sleeping well, I'm listening before bed and I think it's a problem. Don't have time during the day. Can't stop listening.