People may not remember us in the distant future, but our presence in the world will always be recorded. In small and sometimes big ways our presence will change the future. It's up to us individually how we make that future change.
How long are people remembered?
by joelbear 38 Replies latest jw friends
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LyinEyes
Joelbear, I have told ya about my mother's suicide 17 years ago, and I swear to you, if I live to be 100 yrs old , there will not be several times I day I don't think of her. I have kept her alive in my heart and memories , and even if she felt like you do,,,,,,,,that no one would miss her, or remember her, she was wrong. Very wrong. It makes me so grieved to think of what she could have been for HERSELF. Not just the fact of my selfish reasons for wanting her here with me, but what she could have been to be happy. She was beautiful , sweet , kind, spirited , talented and she was so forgiving. She could have been a great counselor, the best friend to many, she could have lived some of the dreams she often told me about. Her life could have been so wonderful, and I think about how proud I would be to see her survive this JW thing,,,,, to survive without my coldhearted father, to get to know her sister better. There is so much I know she would have loved to do.
I will never know her last thoughts, she didn't express any serious depression the weekend she died. She left no note. In fact I thought she was doing really good. But as I look back over it I do see one thing that stands out........she was lonely....... even with people around her. She was different and didnt find her place in life anymore, she was freshly disfellowshipped, just divorced, and she didnt have any new friends since she stopped her chemical dependancy program. I think if she wouldnt have had the guilt that "worldly" people could help her and that it was ok to think of herself first for a change, she might have seen a light at the end of her dark tunnel.
I can only imagine what she was thinking. I keep thinking if she could have tried Prozac, which was brand new , and she never took it , maybe that would have helped. She hated the older antidepressants because of weight gain. If she could have went to therapy and stayed ,,,,maybe she would have found herself. After years in the borg,,,,,, she was lost.
I wish she was here. Joel, I just know there are others who think the same about you. Don't give up, prove yourself wrong, on this one,,,,,,,, prove to yourself that you can find something in your life to make it meaningful to you. I wish so much my mom would have lived for herself, to give herself a chance at forgiving herself for her drug abuse, to find joy,,,,,,, and to live to tell a few people to go to .............. well you know.... or to kiss her............ well you know. She would have loved to be free to do that. To heck with all who try to tell you , you don't matter, or make you feel that way,,,,,,, just to heck with all of them.
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Satanus
I don't see why, if a person really, really wanted to leave, why they should be forced not to. I mean, society doesn't force people to live in a certain place all the time, or force them to do the same job all the time. Even divorces are almost accepted. In all these areas, people are given authority over their lives. Why not authority for when it should be ended, if all avenues for prolonginging it have been exhausted?
SS
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BluesBrother
Joelbear, you are starting to worry me. What started as an interesting hypothetical question is now getting to be too real
It is easy to think that It should good to end it all on your own terms , but would we ever do it , i dont know. If this becoming a reality to anyone, now is the time to stop short.
A simple thought would be that , who knows what will happen tomorrow ? No one should miss it .
I wil never have children now, (waited too long for the New World), so nobody will remember me long. But so what? , I am here today and I want to see tomorrow. and read more Joelbear posts.
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outoftheorg
Hey Joelbear.
Still down in the depths huh. Feel useless and empty. Filled with anger. Hate a few people for what they did. Oh yeah I almost forgot that goddamned black weight in the solar plexis and chest. Feel like bawling your head off. Scream and curse a little and it does not help. Think of turning to those who were your friends for some help and know they won't even be there for you. Then there is that pain. Different from any other. Can't describe it really. But god it hurts! Oh yeah curse and scream at God and Christ for not helping either.There is that odd confused feeling. Can't quite put the day together or get anything completed.
Yeah I been there done that.
I realized that there was no one here to help me, NO ONE.
I was 55 yrs old. Just lost everything thanks to the wbts and my ex. Yes I mean everything.
What do I do now? Ending it all seemed to be an answer. I plotted the way and the place I would do it.
Then I did some thinking on the matter. I really did not want to let my ex and the wbts have any power over me. But they did. They were partly responsible for causing things that put me in this position. I knew they would not grieve over my death. I knew they would use it to keep my kids in the cult. I knew they would slander my name. I knew that others would grieve and maybe acept the wbts teaching that this is what happens to non believers , not us.
I knew this would PROOVE THAT I WAS WEAK in the eyes of some others.
I decided to get help and was told to remove anything in my life that caused any doubts or feelings of guilt, or of not measuring up to the demands of others. One of things I did was to read and find information that I used to destroy the sick cult beliefs of the wbts that still lingered in my mind. Also that since this depression was caused over a long period of time, it would take a period of two to five years to overcome it.
I did this and it was one hell of a struggle. I still have times of depression but have been off meds for 8 yrs now.
I am so glad that I did. I have at last some true friends. I have at last a true loving relationship. I have at last FREEDOM from the meds. the memories. the griefs, the self shame, at last a peaceful life.
It was hard work and it took a while, but man It was so worth it.
Joelbear I have nothing more to send you. I don't know of any quick fix. All I can tell you is, if you succeed in overcoming the depression, life can be wonderful. It will be well worth the struggle to get to wellness. I think it is really a sad thing to see some one waste a life in suicide.
Outoftheorg
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beckyboop
(((((((((((((((((((((((((JOELBEAR))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I wish so bad that I (or anybody) could help you with your depression. But I think only YOU can do that--and sometimes it takes a while to figure out what works. You certainly matter to a lot of people here on the board, as evidenced by the responses so far.
Although there are people who decide to end their life to stop the way they feel (and that's their choice), there are many people around you every day who decide to stay alive. I hope you are one of those--because I have yet to meet you in person. I know I never told you, but the things you wrote on the long thread about homosexuality helped me tremendously. I really appreciated your contributions--because you played a crucial role in being able to deflect the ignorant thinking, and because what you wrote helped me deal with my feelings toward my ex-husband.
You affect many people every day--please remember that you are loved. If you ever need someone to talk to, my email is always open.
Becky
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kevin221
Joel,
I can only relay info from my experience so here it is, fighting depression is a life long battle and sometimes just when you think you''re winning the war, reality strikes and reminds you that the fight as just begun. Help is available and even though you may not want to hear it right now, people do care for and love you so try to focus just on that for today. Sometimes that helps me get thru tough days, or weeks. I'll also add this, I've been in the shoes of those who love you, and I know what they would have to endure if you tried to slowly fade and disconnect from them. It sucks out loud and I don't think you'd want that for the ones you love. Also, if the thinking happy thoughts about people you love doesn't help, try this visual image and see what happens. Dig if U will a picture, Hoss Cartwright , harnessed to a tree in the middle of the woods totally naked and dipped in honey from head to toe. Then picture yourself as the only honey bee left on the planet!!! That's at least worth a smile, don't you think?
As for your original question, for me the answer is simple. People we love exist in memory forever. My lifetime is my forever, however long that ends up being. Everyone I love who has passed on to the next level or wherever they have gone when their life ended will be remembered by me for my entire life, therefore they will be remembered for my forever. The concept is simple, but powerful if you reflect on it.
Take care,
Kevin
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Swan
Joel,
You mean a lot to us cyber-people here, and I imagine you mean far much more to people who know you in the "real world." I've seen your website, and you look like a very kind caring type of individual that would be easy to love in real life. I care about you a lot and I haven't even met you. You are just words on a screen to me physically, but emotionally and spiritually you are much more to me. Your words touch me and affect me very much. When I first came here you were very supportive and very good to me. I would love to meet you for real, but we have a whole continent between us.
I too went through a period of dark depression. I came very close to ending it and only my husband's intercession prevented my attempts from succeeding. My doctor had tried several meds, but they weren't working. Then my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist who specialized in depression. She was able to determine exactly which meds would work best for the depression I had. I have been on them for about 5 years now, and along with therapy, I am doing so much better. True, I still have some down days, but nothing like it was, and I know it is only temporary until the pills lift me back up and out of the darkness again. I feel good far more than I feel bad, and that gives me a reason to go on now.
Have your doctor refer you to a doctor or clinic that specializes in depression. It worked for me and it is my fervent hope that they can find the right meds to work for you.
Tammy
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joelbear
None of you really know me.
The pattern has repeated itself over and over again. People get to know me and then either drift away from me or cast me out of
their lives.
Its an odd curse to carry around. Wanting nothing more than to have friends and not being able to have them.
Life is funny, ha ha.
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LyinEyes
Joel, I don't know you that well, but I did take a few minutes a week ago, or so to look up your web site. I enjoyed the pictures and the stories you must have of the places you have been. You know that saying, a picture says a thousand words,,,,,, it is true. I see a man who really loves life, you smile you seem to like an adventure. It's ok to have down times, just don't stay there ,,,,, I hope to see you like the person in those pictures smiling and enjoying his life with his partner. It was cool to see you both change thru the 13 or so years you have been together. Sometimes it helps to remind yourself of all the good in your life by looking at your life thru your pictures. I know we are not always smiling on the inside while we are on the out...... but there are some very good memories and the great thing is , we can make many more. I am sure Mitch would want to have many more years to share with you and would love to take many more pictures of your life together.