How long are people remembered? (page 4)

DannyBear

outoftheborg,

That was the most straight forward, no minced words, pep talk I have ever read.

Joelbear, get up, get out, be the friend you want to have! Call up a friend and tell them YOU love them, they may not return the favor, but your heart will sing.

Every last one of us is alone. No matter how many lover's, friends or aquiantences we have. Every nite when you lay your head down on the pillow, you have no idea if you will wake up. Go to bed tonight, picturing everything you will miss if you do not wake up. Upon waking (thank god) have another go around of the same thought process.

Whatever your feeling, believe it or not, most of us have felt similar, at one time or another. Like outoftheborg said, 'it was worth the effort'.

DannyBear kicking Joelbear in the ass, but doing so with big fuzzy bear slipper's on.

Danny

COMF

People get to know me and then either drift away from me or cast me out of their lives.

Try not to imagine that this makes you special or different. This happens to every one of us. People come and go. They move close by; they move away. They get sick and die. It's the way of things. Can't change it.

If you can't change it, then what's left is to accept it.

That's also the main reason why it's so important to be your own best friend. For each of us, there is only one person who will never leave us; only one person with whom we will spend our entire lives. How sad to have made it this far with that person, and not yet to have gotten to know and love him more than anyone else; to be unable to receive love, warmth, acceptance, approval and affirmation from him from day to day and moment to moment.

Edited by - COMF on 26 November 2002 20:11:2

Kenneson

Joelbear,

It's true that none of us really know you. But then most of us are in the same shoes here. But we do know things about you that you choose to reveal to us. Since you began posting in Feb. 2001, you have thus far posted 2851 times to mostly internet acquaintances. If that doesn't cut it for you, you must find a real live person who you can share all these teeming thoughts and ideas. The best way to find a friend, is to be one to someone else. Reach out.

myself

The pattern has repeated itself over and over again. People get to know me and then either drift away from me or cast me out of their lives.

Joelbear, it takes work from both sides of a friendship to make it work, believe me I know. Are you letting them drift away? Be a friend and find out why they are drifting. Do you initiate contact too, or leave it up to them?

Comf brings out such an awesome point about being your own best friend first. I went thru manic depression and I really hated myself for a long time. I was suicidal during this time.It made me difficult and depressing for others to be around me. Sometimes we put up barriers around ourselves without realizing it, thinking that we are protecting ourselves when in fact we are causing our own isolation. Joelbear you can find peace without traveling to another demension to attain it.

((((((Joelbear))))))

Farkel

: Unless you are famous for something how long are you really remembered?

12 seconds. Tops. Most people realize that life is for the living and not living is for the dead.

I think they are wasting a precious 10 seconds of that they could use to do something while they are yet alive. The life-clock is always ticking and it runs out of time far sooner than people realize. The death-clock goes on forever. The dead have LOTS of time. The living have very LITTLE time and they shouldn't waste it bothering with those folks who have LOTS of time, an ETERNITY of time to be dead.

It took me a lot of years to feel this way, but I firmly believe that the living shouldn't waste any of their precious lives worrying about those who no longer live.

Farkel

outoftheorg

thank you Dannybear.

I sure hope it helped some.

Outoftheorg

joelbear

When I left the Watchtower I already had the beginnings of a new belief system in place.

I have accomplished a lot. A 20 year career in banking. A nest egg. A house paid for. Out of debt. A man who loves me and can't stand to see me depressed.

The one thing I want that I have never had is friends. I am an odd person. I have reached out repeatedly over the years from the age of 10 on. Inviting people to my parents house. Planning parties and trips and activities. Going up to strangers and saying howdy. Trying to help people through their struggles. Forming a coming out group and leading it for 2 years to help not only myself but anyone who wanted through the door every saturday afternoon. I continuously reach out to people and continuously they turn their back and walk away.

Two friends that I have had for the past 10 years recently told me they couldn't take my depression and panic attacks anymore. That it was ruining their lives. So, they left me.

My parents and family only put up with me. I am excluding from all family activities and even when I am at their house I have to be careful not to talk about the way I think or feel or my goals and dreams.

I see new friendships forming around me where people eagerly get together and I am never included. the only way I can get people around me is to bring them to me at my house.

Never am I invited out or over by other people.

I have reached out.

I have been a friend to people.

I'm tired of trying and I simply wish to count my wins and losses at 45 and go to bed, forever.

Everytime I reach out I get hurt. The hurt has become insurmountable.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

DannyBear

Joelbear,

What you have just described is common amongst all people. If there is anything one can be certain of in life is, that other people will not act, do, or say what we would always prefer.

To me it is a matter of perspective and empathy. Your successes in life are demonstration enough, that you understand this principle, but for whatever reason, jw training, to much self analysis, unreasonable expectations, has allowed your mind to constantly revert to the negative. By negative I mean 'it's just not good enough', 'I was promised a paradise', 'this friend is not loving enough', 'why, why?, why?, why?, it is an endless reasoning pattern.

I watched my oldest sister, the one born at Bethel in Judge Rutherford's day, go through her life, with family and friends, with exactly the same attitude you wrote about. She diminished her life by doing so. A physically beautiful woman, with an obvious big heart, but from youth to old age now, she never felt that anyone loved her enough.

This caused her and other's around her, so much pain. No matter what anyone tried, you could not please B. She saw herself as other's did not, she wanted special consideration.

Joelbear you have it harder than most to overcome this malady. You fight with society at large over your sexual prefrence, as well as your fight with jw cult mentality and background.So having a tender exposed heart on your sleeve, is a severe catalyst for what your going through.

I don't know what the answer is, either. But what has helped me, is to observe those who seem to have alot of friends. One of the most common denominator's among them is the 'atmosphere of acceptance' they create around them.

I guess I mean that these people have the ability to smile (when a frown should be required), when you are with them they pay attention, they give without reservation, or expecting anything in return. They make no demands, or insist on a particular response, act, or expression of love. They truly display an attitude of 'live and let live'............

So Iam rambling, I guess I could sum it up by saying.........We don't have to prove or ratify our worth to anyone, we don't have to live up to anyone's expectations, we just need to accept ourselves...all of ourselves, not just the perceived good stuff, but all of it. COMF summed the whole thing up very well.

Love yourself Joelbear.........everything else will fall into place.

Danny

Mary

My brother died 17 years ago and I think about him and miss him every single day.

How long are people remembered?

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