Should I "come out" to my JW mum?

Sirona

Hi Everyone,

First of all, I'm not Gay so its not *that* sort of coming out.

Question is: "Should I tell my JW mum that I am now a pagan"?

I'm one of those unusual (stupid?) individuals who chose to become a Pagan after leaving the dubs. Actually, the pagan group I associate with describe themselves as Wicca (or Witches) but I prefer to use Pagan. Before you say it, Yes I am one of those people who has to be out of the ordinary!

The problem is that its becoming increasingly difficult to hide my beliefs from my mum, who is JW. Whilst living at her house I carefully hid any evidence of my being pagan. (animal sacrifices were hid under the bed....) Now I have my own home, I absolutely refuse to hide my things - mostly books that would give me away - I used to explain away candles and crystals saying it was Feng Shui (until that bloody Feng Shui article in the WT! now I can't even get away with that).

Why would I tell her? I hear you ask. Well first of all there is a good chance she will go into my house one day and see my books with titles like "The Witches Goddess" and "Witchcraft and Magick Spells". At which point I expect her to have a cardiac arrest.

Then there is the fact that I have quite a lot of pagan friends now. I have to avoid mentioning them.....and in the new year I'm thinking of having a make-up party at my house so who do I invite? My mum would no doubt find out I'm having the party and wonder why she wasn't invited.

The main reason I've kept it secret so far has been that I was living in her house and I knew I couldn't stand the tension of her judgements. Now I'm in my own home I want to be able to have pictures/books/candles whatever on display where I want them and not worry about my mum coming round seeing them.

Funnily enough, I think she already suspects (perhaps the pentagram I wear that she quizzed me about? she thought it was a star of david).

Should I tell her? HOW? ARGH. If I do I will have to be prepared for the S*it to hit the fan big time. Maybe I could ease her into it gently?

Sirona

PS. The animal sacrifice comment was a joke just in case there are any fundie harry potter haters reading this.

Matty

(((Sirona)))

Oh, I don't think there will ever be a good time to tell her that, but you will have to eventually! It's a bit like me telling my family I don't want to be a witness anymore, I can put it off and put it off again, but I know I'm gonna have to do it sooner or later! I hope some other people here can think of ways to "cushion the blow", but knowing Witnesses and the way their minds function, I think you're in for a rough ride hon!

Vivamus

Sirona, first of all (((Hugz)))

Second, you are going to have to make the choice. You can choose not to tell her [but I don't think you want that]. And you can choose to tell her. Whatever you do, you are going to have to live with the consequences, and those won't be easy. If you don't tell her, you're going to have to live with secrecy. If you do tell her, you will have to live with a possible negative reaction from your mum.

I can't tell you what to do, just follow your heart, chose the less hurtful one. And by that I mean, the less hurtful for you. YOU are going to have to live with the choices you make, you and you alone.

Take care,

Viv.

Dizzy Cat

Well if your lifestyle expands, she will notice eventually. If you feel brave enough, tell her now, as in the long run it will save both of you from mucho grief ! Ontop of finding out you hold a set of beliefs that she finds intolerable she will also feel that you have been lying to her and leading a double life. Not the kind of information any mother likes to hear about her child.

Hmm... its a toughy. I feel sorry for you. If I was to tell my mother (she is not even a JW) I think even she would be wary of me and my friends from that point onwards. I know she would have visions of me lurking around graveyards, spiking babies on poles.

Maybe your mother will reject you on one level, because she will see you as choosing 100% Satan's side in the great universal battle in her head.

Robdar

Sirona,

I saw no need to hide any of my candles, books or my altar from my parents when they came to visit. As questions were asked, I answered. I didn't lay it on them all at once. I even explained how the pentagram that I was doing for increased prosperity was supposed to work. My parents, especially my dad, took it quite well. I wish you well. Let us know what you decide to do.

Love,

Robyn

Francois

What are the chances that you can explain to your mother the relationship between Wicca and the Catholic Church, and how - since the Catholics burned all the Wiccans it could find at the time - there were none left to write their own history of those times, and therefore only the Catholics were left to write the histories. And they lied? Surely it should be easy enough to link the Church with knee-jerk lying? From there, telling her about the new truths about the re-birth of this beautiful nature religion should be easy and explanation free and open. All depends on whether or not your mother has her mind open.

Welcome to the site, btw, it's all a person can do to keep up with the revelations here; tales of daring-do consequent and subsequent to leaving our favorite cult. Hope you'll stick around.

Silverleaf

Hi Sirona,

I'm not and never was a JW, nor are my parents, but I still got raised eyebrows the first time I said openly that I was Pagan. My parents are non-practicing Protestants btw. All I can say is live your life the way you want to live it. If your mother is alarmed [and she probably will be] just answer all her questions calmly and reasonably. Paganism and Wicca have nothing to hide, as far as I'm concerned they are belief systems that can stand the scrutiny of others and they welcome it.

Blessed be,

Silverleaf

ashitaka

Well, just do what you want to. Don't beat it into her, but if she finds out, just let things be. Be respectful, but stick to your guns.

Just don't hide. That's the worst thing in the world to have to do, especially if you consider yourself free.

ash

Sirona

Matty - thanks - you are right, I'm in for a rough ride no matter what.

Vivamus - I'm thinking that it might be better to tell her just because I know she'll find out sooner or later. Its just going to be hurtful. I've had enough of her blaming my problems on not being a JW - now she's gonna say I'm demon possessed or something. eek.

Dizzy - thats the point - in HER HEAD she will think I've gone onto Satan's side. Don't they think that anyway though?

Robdar - maybe I should take that tactic. Maybe I should just leave things lying around and answer the questions when they come. I could ease her in gently by just letting her see the odd thing maybe at first..... sounds like a good idea perhaps.

Francois - unfortunately she doesn't have an open mind. This is the woman who thinks star trek has demonic overtones. (*what* will I do??!) Also francois - I've done over 900 posts - what made you think I'm new to the board? LOL!

Silverleaf. - I agree that I shouldn't hide and that my religion is not a "secret" one by any means - at least not nowadays. Its good to hear you braved it and survived with your parents!

Ashitaka - I should not hide. I *do* feel that the JW religion is affecting my life too much at the moment. WHY should I pamper to their bigoted ideas?

I'm seriously thinking of telling her I go to a "spirituality group" and then giving more information as it comes up. That way, I'm not alarming her with the word pagan straight away.

(eek....all scared....)

Sirona

Iwasyoungonce

Sirona,

Are you ashamed of being pagan? Evil-The willful intent to do harm to another be it mental or physical; Is this what you desire towards your Mum? Or, is it what you wish to spare her from?

It's the latter (right?) You don't want to hurt your Mum. That's a good thing. But, In doing so you have to pretend to be someone and something that your not. You have to hide your friends and your belifes. You are not letting you be who you are. Thus, you are not respecting yourself.

Is the price of the lie worth the price that you pay in a lower self-perception worth the payoff of the lie of a relationship with your mother?

Hope you find a happy place to be with all this.

Jay

Should I "come out" to my JW mum?

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