Need help with my husband! (page 2)

IronGland

Go somewhere pretty and take a coupla hits of acid together.

pettygrudger

Pettygrudger, it's the Unitarian Universalistchurch -- just in case you want to use it as a search term.

doh!!!

scootergirl

francois wrote:

You don't need to be in an organization to be spiritual. In fact, organized religion is death to spirituality.

I couldn't agree more. To me, spirituality has absolutely nothing to do w/an organization. The "journey of spirituality" is often taken by oneself. It has to be discovered and defined by ourselves. My advice would be to encourage your husband to discover his spirituality on his own. Minus the brick and mortar walls and the ideas of man. Seek and he will find........be supportive and encouraging.

Xander

Go somewhere pretty and take a coupla hits of acid together

Or, you know, you could give him a hummer! Then, point out that you wouldn't be allowed to do that ever again if you go back to the hall!!

In fact, that's a good recommendation to ALL the ladies out there whose husband was a JW. Make sure you remind him now and then what he can't get if you go back to JW-hood!

Indeed, it's probably a good idea for EVERY wife out there to, you know, keep up these 'preventative measures'.

Wouldn't want any guys going back to the hall, now would we?

That's certainly the only reason *I* would suggest such a thing...

GentlyFeral

I've often thought about the UU, but we are very well known in our area, just my luck, I would be spotted going in or out of another church.

Tweetiebird, the UUA website has a searchable directory of churches; maybe there's one out of your neighborhood that's close enough to be convenient.

If not, they do have a wide selection of books -- and a "mail order" church, the Church of the Larger Fellowship, which will send you things to read and even some phone numbers and email addresses if you really need to talk to somebody.

Yes, definitely begin with Hassan's book. I read it just before I decided to leave -- looking for contrasts with the WT. You might recommend it to your husband with that in mind.

Beyond that, the first thing useful thing you can do is start cultivating non-JW friends.

GentlyFeral

musky

Tweetie, I feel the way your husband does at times (most of the time). I feel like I should be going somewhere, but anytime I go to the kingdom hall, I remember the reasons why I left. The single biggest reason that keeps coming back to my mind is " Avoid independant thinking". The message is loud and clear in watchtower publications. I still cannot believe that witnesses agree with that reasoning.

Does your husband feel more obligated to his family than with the watchtower perhaps? He may need to have some serious talks with them first.

TweetieBird

musky, not sure about that one...he sort of has a love-hate thing going with them. Sometimes, they drive him up a wall, other times he has this need to be around them. He feels different from them, in that he has ambitions to do well financially, they are waiting on Jehovah to provide for their every need, etc.

donkey

Tweetie,

One of the sources quoted by Francois is the Urantia Book. In the paper on the existence of God it says:

The existence of God can never be proved by scientific experiment or by the pure reason of logical deduction. God can be realized only in the realms of human experience; nevertheless, the true concept of the reality of God is reasonable to logic, plausible to philosophy, essential to religion, and indispensable to any hope of personality survival

Now I ask you to assume that statement is correct. However, also consider the following: If God is for real then why is he/she/it so vague? Why is he/she/it so open to interperetation?

I can offer you and your husband no better HOPE than the concepts of Spirituality can, but then again spirituality is so loose isn't it? So my advice to everyone, including myself, is to SMELL THE COFEE. I will take the tiniest of snippets from the quote above and use just one word: EXPERIENCE. Go out and experience as much as you can everyday. Use the uncertainty or void to moticvate yourself to enjoy every second of every day. Don't let the "vagueness of God" demotivate you. Live like there is no tomorrow! If God does exists and has chosen to be vague then you cannot be accountable for obedience to vaguery - so enjoy your life. Celebrate it!!

blondie

TweetieBird, I was raised in the Borg as you said your husband and you were. I am doing the fade with my husband.

I have 3 suggestions.

Make new non-JW friends.

Where to find them?

Without sacrificing your personal standards and the qualities that attract you and your husband in a person:

At work: Go to the retirement parties, initiate going to lunch with co-workers, make a treat for no reason and bring it to work, celebrate meeting special group goals

In the neighborhood: Exchange recipes, drop off a dish when they are sick, invite them over for snacks and watching the "game," exchange helping each other on fixing up the house, have a neighborhood barbeque party

Volunteering: help at food pantries, meals-on-wheels, literacy programs, foster parents, help with child abuse programs (always need someone to do mailings)

Get to know non-JW relatives

After years of treating them like corpses, why not have that favorite non-JW cousin and spouse over for a small meal. Reminisce about outings. Tell them how proud you are of their family, how they have weathered taking care of a sick parent or child, and can you help.

I guess to sum up, get to know more people, TweetieBird. That's what we are doing so the final phase of the fade is not lonely.

Blondie

LB

Blondie gave great advice. In the beginning it's much more difficult. When you stop attending you've freed up a lot of time and braincells. You need to be busy, more things to do, more things to think about other than meetings and the propoganda you've been force fed.

I felt empty for quite awhile myself. I had feelings exactly as your husband does. Now I feel a focus in life and I'm always busy.

After awhile you may even feel a need to pray and you may be able to pray to a God whos name wasn't invented by some old monks back in the 13th century.

Need help with my husband!

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