How do I reach my sister?

Mackin

I come for your opinion.

Heres the deal. My sister has just completed her thesis and received her doctorate. The examiners showered her with praise for her outstanding work. They particularly praised her scrupulous literary research and scholarly work. One even said that she has learned the complex subject matter better than many scholars in the field.

Now, my sister is a dub. Oddly enough, even though we were bought up in a dub household, she was encouraged to go to university, probably because she was so bright (I didnt go cos I was too thick ). Many dubs have criticised her for this over the years but shes resisted their pressure and stuck with her studies.

Now, over the last decade, shes been through some bad times and has suffered severe depression. She still suffers from it, but these days for the most part she has it under control. In large part, that control is assisted by some close friendships she has within the borg.

I am sure that given her intelligence and abilities she can see the doctrinal errors of the dubs. I know that she sees the inaccuracies of dub theology. But if I bring the subject up, even very gently, she becomes instantly ultra-defensive. I believe this defensiveness is because she knows that if she were to leave the borg, the vital friendships that at times keep her sane, would disappear. I think she doesnt want to let herself even "go there" as it were, and that her defensiveness is a protection mechanism.

How can I break through this defensiveness and help her to see that it would be a good idea to develop some close friendships outside the borg and free herself from the shackles of that oppressive religion?

I love my sister very much and still enjoy a close relationship with her in spite of the fact that I have left the borg. I want to treat her gently and preserve the closeness we have.

Im interested in your opinions.

Mackin

Joyzabel

Mackin,

Don't assume just because she has intelligence that she knows there are issues with some of the doctrines. Denial is a wonderful thing that keeps people in the box they have created for themselves.

Friendships are precious and keep some people in the sane world.

All you can do is drop hints or ask her to explain something that you are having a difficult time understanding. Dont ever, ever attack the WTBTS, the defenses go up immediately and you cannot get her to listen to anything.

I wish you the best success you can achieve with her. I think we all want our loved ones to see and learn what we have seen and learned but <sign> that is the difficult part. " You can lead a horse to water, but cannot make it drink."

Hugs,

j2bf

Edited by - joy2bfree on 28 November 2002 22:25:8

Beans

http://www.watchtowernews.org/howto/index.htm

Beans

http://Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com

Beck_Melbourne

Hi there buddy

If your sister were my sister, I would be inclined to let her be if she's happy. For some, the troof/truth offers certain personality types hope, sometimes they are comfortable with the lifestyle and having a belief system that spares them the trouble of finding another - sometimes they just don't want to know that the truth ain't the truth after all.

Your sister is no doubt in a comfortable place where her spirituality is concerned. Now you and I know that this comfortable place is based on lies and false prophesies, but she doesn't know this, and she doesn't WANT to know this. My JW grandmother and mother are becoming aware of the fact that the 'troof' has let them down, for goodness sakes the new system should have been here by now...we were never meant to make it to the year 2000, let alone go beyond it. But will they change even though they see a failing organisation?? No, they won't ever change...they don't want to, it suits their ideals.

Don't despair Mackin, enjoy YOUR life, and enjoy YOUR freedom.

~Beck~

kelpie

Mack.. I agree with Beck, if she is happy let her be... but if she starts to feel pressured and starts asking questions.. be there for her as well..

Mackin

Thanks for your comments guys.

Thing is, I know she sees the stuff wrong with the dubs, but the friendships are holding her in. I want to find a way to encourage her to make some friends outside the borg. But to do that I need to break thru the defensive barrier.

I hear what y'all are saying tho. If she's still in denial I don't supose there's much anyone can do.

"When the student is ready, the teacher arrives". I think that's a chinese proverb.

Mackin.

Prisca

If she suffers from severe depression, and is only now keeping it in control, then you have to be very careful not upset the balance. If her friends in the Borg are keeping her happy, then what is the problem?

Is the Borg causing her depression? Are outside influences causing it?

You see, we can have the same enthusiastic zeal for sharing our knowledge about the Borg, as we did when we first thought we had "the Truth". This zeal can blind us to factors that prevent people from seeing things as we see them.

If you do bring up points that you have learnt about the Borg, do it gently and in a non-threatening way. You already have a good relationship with your sis, so I am sure you don't want to do anything to spoil that.

As someone speaking with experience, I know that people with depression don't need massive, sudden changes in their life. If she wants to leave, she will do it in her own time and in her own way. I know you will be there to support her. She is very luc... opps, fortunate, to have you for a brother.

mustang

Mack,

You didn't say what her field of endeavor is; but it doesn't matter. She will need to discuss those things with SOMEBODY. It is likely that those who can converse intelligently with her are NOT JW's. Encourage THAT. Whoever she deals with in external endeavors may displace the JW support group.

Mustang

Edited by - mustang on 29 November 2002 4:6:20

Francois

Mackin, her depression may very well spring from the conflict attendant upon her realization on the one hand of the falsity of her "religion" and on the other of her need for this "home base" from which she operates. People who engage in the denial necessary to accept these conflicts produce considerable amounts of cognitive dissonance and denial. This is hard to do if you're a scholar, for instance, and have successfully negotiated the rigorous defense of your thesis. On the one hand you're no dummy; on the other you have to act like one to continue to accept your religion. Not easy.

My own uncle, almost a brother to me, is an organic research chemist with numerous patents, plays concert piano, and is an elder of long standing. He has admitted having many doubts (to me at least). But he stays in, justifying his actions by asking "what would you replace [the JWs] with"? My response that an organized religion is not necessary to spiritual growth gets nowhere.

As for your sister, my personal opinion is that perhaps you should just enjoy your fine relationship with her and allow her to come to grips with her cognitive dissonance and denial and membership in a cult all on her own. Of course, you'd be Johnny on the spot if she ever had a question about it. Perhaps you could leave a copy of C of C lying about your living room awaiting her next visit. "Of course you may borrow it, sis!"

Hope things work out for you, buddy.

shera

There isn't much for me to say,all the good stuff has been said...

But if I bring the subject up, even very gently, she becomes instantly ultra-defensive

Speaking from,experince here.I was the same way when someone spoke up to me about the .....cough.....truth.I always had doubts nagging me all the time and I pushed them to the back of my mind.Sometimes I feel,the people who become,overly defensive are having doubts,but cannot admit it.I had to see it for myself,I didn't want to leave because someone on the outside was right.It was hard for me to swallow,when I admitted to my family and friends that they were right.

How do I reach my sister?

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