Reestablishing family ties with non-Witnesses (page 2)

TR

Cyberguy,

Admit to your family that you were a dope, in a cult, and now you've corrected your ways. Apologize for acting like a 'hovah jackass. That's what I did. Worked for me.

TR

Edited by - TR on 30 November 2002 21:16:14

I found that my non-JW family didn't really spend too much time thinking about my "JW-ness" , they had lives already LOL. When I left, and had more time to spend with them they just accepted it as normal. It wasn't a big deal for us...but I recognise it could be for others. I hope it goes well for you, Cyberguy! {hugs}

meadow77

Cyberguy- I am on the opposite end, with friend and family that have treated me badly because I was a nonJW. From my point of view, you only care about what people think of you, when you truly care about them. I think about my family and friends every day. If they went through their ordeal, and were to come to me and want my forgivness, or love, I would welcome them with open arms. Everybody makes mistakes. The best you can do is admit that you are human, and go from there, Remember that they are human too, still love you, and have been praying for you to come back to them.

COMF

I told the story here.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=41369&site=3

Simon

We have to re-introduce ourselves to all the family that we ignored whiloe we were JWs. Usually though, they are a lot more friendly and forgiving than the witness ones.

Belmont

After 40 years of guarding our associations, and seeking friends only among Jehovah's loyal ones. at the same time avoiding family gatherings - wicked birthday and christmas parties, we are now happily out of the cult, not df'd or da'd. The result - the "loyal ones" are now shunning us, and the worldly family are welcoming us back into the fold as if nothing had happened. There must be a lesson somewhere.

Vee

I had an incredibly tough time trying to 'break the ice' with my da'd cousin. Growing up we were inseperable, and emotionally very close. About 2years ago she was da'd and I myself was on wobbly ground, but was in such fear and under such close watch by my sister and her elder husband that against my natural better judgement I stayed away and didn't give her the support I so regretably wish that I had. She moved to London 12months later and I called a couple of times. I began to make steps of my own to leave the borg and started to keep as regular contact with her as I could. I moved to London just a few months ago and have seen her at least once a fortnight.

It hasn't been at all easy, and she is still very hurt by me and the rest of her family. I know that I just have to be persistent, but not put too much pressure on her. It will take years to undo the pain that she had to endure. I think it does help now that she can see that I myself have experienced the shunning and that I now have a much better understanding of her suffering.

I also have a number of members from extended family that I never got to know very well due to them not being in the "truth". I recently went to Malta to visit my Grandad there, my fathers father and I felt like I was able to talk to him properly for the first time. He himself was very hurt by my father and the fact that he never got to really know his grandchildren and was neglected by my dad and my uncle because of their faith. So, I realise that in the same way as my cousin I can't expect them to naturally welcome me with open arms without hesitation. But, I'm willing to work at it because I know it will be worth it.

In recent months I have also kept up closer contact with my g'ma, and aunties through letters and e-mails. I've always written to my g'ma, but mainly in a way which only told of what I was doing in the every day, and not necessarily of how I was feeling. Now I am able to share my pain and my happiness with her without any judgement whatsover. I have gotten back letters from her in response telling me how much she loves me and how much she wishes she could have had more to do with me when I was growing up. There was so much feeling and love in her letters that I can tell it was a very emotional time for her.

I'm also going to visit an Aunty of mine in Wales next weekend that I haven't seen in years. My father only ever had bad things to say about her and her lifestyle which I never really questionsed for myself and assumed they were true from the standpoint of the WTBTS. I now know after speaking to her recently and receiving e-mails from her that she is a wonderful excentric person that I have alot of respect for. Same goes for another of my Aunties.

There's no doubt that my extended non dub family have felt the inferior judgement of the dub side of my family. My family would go through periods where they would have a bit to do with their non dub family members, but they would draw a definite line, and that was well understood.

Wish you all the best in reconnecting your ties. Just remember that just as you are no doubt being shunned by your immediate family, this is how your non dub family members at different levels have possibly been treated by either yourself or your immediate family for a long time. But your sincerity will show through if you are honest with them about your decisions and new direction.

V**

mustang

After my mother's funeral, my brother and I agreed that there was more genuine love shown by our "pagan" cousins than the JW side of the family. It was no problem at all re-"relating" to them.

Mustang

Shakita

Cyberguy: I had put in 25 years in the borg and the thanks I got was disgust, condemnation, and rejection. The elders and other JW's treated my family with contempt in relation to my daughter's wedding. At first, I was hesitant to call my non-JW sister, but I overcame my uneasiness, and I'm glad I did. I told my sister about all the lies of the WT and the ugly way in which we were being treated and how I deeply regretted bringing up my children in this religion. Her response to me was very encouraging and non-judgemental. I was astonished that my non-JW sister was so understanding. My family spent Thanksgiving dinner at my sisters and we all had a great time. It was easy getting in on things again. I'm fairly certain that your non-JW family will react the same when you relate what you have been going through.

Mr. Shakita

nowaytess

I have, even though the damage I did during the Wt years did take it's toll.

Reestablishing family ties with non-Witnesses

TR

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