Was I a coward?

DanTheMan

Right before I disassociated myself last March, I sent an email to quite a number of JW's that contained only a link to an "apostate" website that had been instrumental in my seeing the the truth about the WT.

Well, nobody responded to it except for one person, a guy who I hadn't had any contact with my last year in. He started out with "Yikes, do you know I'm disfellowshipped?" He then went on for several paragraphs defending the org, how loving the brothers were when they disfellowshipped him , and how he has visited some ex-jw websites, and in his mind none of them offer any "scriptural proof" that the WT is incorrect. "Who else is doing the work that we do?" he asked, of course following that with Matt 24:14, 28:19,20.

Now I should tell you that he is a person that I regard as being more intelligent than I am. And he also has icewater running through his veins when it comes to debating/discussing anything. I am quite the opposite. I hate to argue and debate, especially with cold legalists like JW's.

I no longer have the email. The only response I was able to make was that he should look at the website (it was obvious that he hadn't) and that if he ever decided to leave I would support him.

This situation has been working on me ever since. It is so frustrating for me because in spite of all I have learned, I have no desire to debate JW issues with persons such as him, and to a certain degree I fear "smart" JW's. I feel like I should be more willing to "take on" such persons.

Any comments?

Pathofthorns

I don't think you are a coward. I think you are just smart to not waste your time discussing things with people that lack an open mind.

Path

garybuss

Debating a JW is like being in a pissing contest with a skunk. What was the web site you sent him to?

gb

Joyzabel

DantheMan,

I do not think that you are a coward. I agree with you, I don't like to argue and its not a debate when you are trying to get past a mindset that has taken years to develop. That's why the WTBTS is classified as a cult because there is no reason for how they believe, its just group thought and control.

I also agree with Path.

Dan, you got out of a ~~cult~~ religion that took a lot of courage, how could you ever say you are a coward! We are not here to save others, just ourselves.

Hugs,

j2bf

edited to add ps: LOL @ "pissing contest with a skunk". Love it, GB!!

Edited by - joy2bfree on 1 December 2002 14:10:53

Victor_E

Each individual is at a different stage in their spiritual evolution. Spiritual infants are guided merely by their impulses with no principles. Spiritual adolecents are guided by rules and regulations, while spiritual young adults question the rules and are anti organizations. Spiritual mature adults see the whole and the futility in arguing with infants and adolecents. So were you a coward? Only you can answer that one.

onacruse

imho, dantheman, you're right on track. One of the biggest hurdles in leaving the borg is to REALLY leave the borg. Having a compulsion to defend one's position is characteristic of the kind of thinking that we were drilled to have as JWs, and truly remaking oneself includes discarded that apologetic mindset. In that respect, your description of "he also has icewater running through his veins when it comes to debating/discussing anything" defines EXACTLY the kind of person with whom not to debate.

Like Paul told Timothy: "Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels." (1 Tim 2:23 NIV)

Craig

Nathan Natas

You aren't a coward. The best testimony any of us can give is by living successful and happy lives. That is my holiday wish for you and for all of us here.

Mum

I agree with the others on this. What has cowardice got to do with it? When people need their security blanket, it's pointless to try to explain to them rationally why they really don't.

It's a great relief to realize that we no longer have to have the "it's up to us to save the world" mentality. You will be there if your friend needs you. That is all anyone can ask.

Regards,

SandraC

mustang

First, I have to puke over: "how loving the brothers were when they disfellowshipped him..."

Then I have to say that I agree with the other posters. It has been my experience that JWs will do "hit-and-run" tactics in discussion. This includes lobbing some strong sounding but flawed arguments. This throws you off balance; before you can recover (and that may include hitting the books for research) they change the subject.

Now, they will either rapid-fire throw in a another subject or two, or shut down. Either way, the shut-down is the end result. This is inevitable, once they have gone on the defensive.

My experience in recent times has been restricted to debate with a close relative and rare encounters "at the door". The whole mess with the relative got more physical (demands & "do more") than scriptural.

So, I have confined these activities beating them to the punch: shutting down. (I also got into legal tactics with the JW relative who crossed the criminal line.)

It does not seem that their preaching efforts bring anything real. Conversely, a preaching directed at them is usually deflected by their built-in "shield mechanism".

In the long run, its best to study them and their flaws from a distance. In that way you can be prepared for the occasional genuine interaction when a JWs eyes open.

NO, you werent a coward. You did quite well, all considered.

Mustang