by Funchback 44 Replies latest jw experiences
Brothers switching or exchanging hours and magazines placed when they should turn in their reports, "I've got five more magazines more than usual, but am a couple of hours ahort - anyone wants to exchange?" "Yeah, me, I've got a few hours but no magazines." Problem for my friend was that after a year or so, he was in deep debt - he "owed" 40-50 hours to others, and never seemed to be able to "pay back".
Why didn't I ever think of that? That's funny!
We had the pioneer sister who would go out and get drunk regularly. Frequently, she would be involved in hit-and-run accidents or would get picked up by the police for DUI. One of the elders would constantly be bailing her out of jail and hushing things up.
This same sister would spend most of her time at get-togethers fawning all over the unbelieving husbands of sisters who were present. No one dared to say anything to her because of her "in" with the elders.
The homosexual brother who married the ugliest sister to ever walk the planet (I swear she could have qualified as the missing link), and then promptly informed her that he found her repulsive and would never sleep with her.
This same brother used to like to take young teenage brothers "camping". Any of the young brothers who went with him once were afraid to go again.
And the topper......
The ministerial servant married to the elder's daughter, well on his way to becoming an elder himself, who was arrested for murdering an elderly woman in order to get cash to support his cocaine habit. He also spent most of the time he was supposed to be working at his job in bars and with prostitutes.
This whole thread is VERY amusing....I'm sitting here at work cracking up over it, and my co-workers cannot appreciate it....heeeheeee
Here's my contribution:
One year during the memorial, a guy walked in during the middle of the talk and headed into the bathroom. He had his face covered and definately stood out. The brothers immediately intervined to find out who the intruder was....turned out he was fleeing the police and he thought he could take refuge in the KM....the police showed up and took him away.....it was a very big deal, the whole hall was wicked psyched that something that exciting happened.
I never believed the rumors about how a certian family use to beat their kids until one night after book study an elder told stories of how his father beat the living daylights out of him and his brothers when they were young. He said that his father, who was also an elder, told him that "if you don't fear Jehovah then you're gonna fear me!"
A certian cong which will remain nameless had a ring of brothers who use to exchange porn under the walls of the bathroom stalls in the KH.....I never believed that until I dated one of the brothers who was from that hall.
That same aforementioned brother was an MS, and an only child....his mother viewed any female that came within a mile of him as a threat even though he was in his twenties. She blamed me for his "fall from grace" so to speak because he was publically reproved....little did she know that he was hooked on porn and the marital arts and years before I met him and he kept this from the brothers when he was made a MS.
I was very close to a family where the wife was a Witness but her husband was not, and the kids were kinda half in half out.....I was staying with them (I was 19 and homeless at the time) when I witnessed the father beat the living daytlights out of the boys who were teenagers....the next day two elders came by and everybody pretended that nothing happened....when I went to one of the elders later, heart broken over the abuse of the kids, I was told "I'm sorry you had to SEE that." Not "I'm sorry it happened" or "you should call the state and report this"......that still breaks my heart even now years later. Thankfully I got one sister who will still talk to me and she told me they're okay....so at least I know their Dad didn't kill them or anything.
We had a brother in our hall that sounded just like Porky Pig.....it was SO hard to hold back the laughter when he gave talks!!!!
When I was PMSing I use to get terrible mood swings, and I would often do or say irrational things....that I might not do or say otherwise.....one day I decided to get my tongue pierced.....which is a funny story in and of itself (my car died on the way home and I had to stop at an auto parts store and ask for help, drooling "mah cah died, ahnd I nid healp...") so at the school meeting the brother behind me was being really annoying so I turned around and stuck out my tongue.....he gasped outloud....and asked me to show his brother who was sitting next to him....so I did, they both gasped. Word spread like wild fire and by the end of the meeting little kids kept coming up to me and going "show us your tongue" and when I'd stick it out they'd go "ewwwwww gross!....DO IT AGAIN!" with delight. The elders hauled me into the Library and told me that tongue piercing were associated with lesbienism.....I replied that I did not know that (and that was true) and that everyone I knew who had one was not a lesbien and I was not one so what did it matter. They clearly did not want me to have it....and because it was getting infected and I did not yet have health insurance at the time, I decided to take it out the next morning.
That's all I can recall at the moment.....oh yeah....occaisonally we'd have an elderly sister get ahold of the microphone and starting rambling about something that had nothing to do with the topic at hand.
During the memorial talk a woman who was not familiar to me walked half way up the isle, dropped trou and mooned everyone in the KH. Turned around and walked out without saying a word.
A brother who was known for having a bad temper cussed from the stage as he hit his head on a speaker hanging from the wall as he was going up to give a talk.
A young brother in his 20s from South America for the first year professed his singleness and would not be tied down by a woman, then married a 60 y/o sister widow so he could get a green card. After the marriage he told her he would not sleep with her.... the elders told him that he must pay his marriage dues.
BD
During a public talk, a middle-aged sister, returning from the restroom in the back to her seat in the front of the auditorium, [was unaware that she] had inadvertently tucked the back hems of both her skirt and slip into the waist of her panty girdle. No amount of hi-signing from sisters seated along the aisle was able to get the poor woman's attention. The PO, upon catching sight of the disaster unfolding, immediately dropped and riveted his eyes onto a terribly fascinating scripture in the Bible he held in his lap. His wife---that would be me---was startled wide-eyed and dumbfounded between stunned embarrassment for the sister and the nearly-irresistible impulse to collapse into fits of hysterical laughter.
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Young adult brother strode purposefully from the back of the auditorium to the platform, paused immediately in front of the podium, cocked his arm from way back behind his head, and pitched a brick-sized chunk of concrete into the shoulder of the elder giving the instruction talk. (Had I known then what I came to learn about the man, I'd have stashed the same in my meeting book bag and started chunkin' at the @$$hole m'damn self!)
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During a service meeting demonstration on the platform, while his mom was giving a sermon to the sister acting as her hh, her 4 yr. old son---whom she'd included in her demo to up the cutesy quotient---took advantage of the spotlight to debut his precision James Brown impersonation---gliding on "the good foot" from one end of the platform to the other and back again, head bobbing to the beat in his head the whole time.
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Elder (a humble and likeable fellow), interviewing his teen-aged son on the platform during a service meeting part, asked him what his spiritual goals were. The son replied "...to improve my personal study habits." The father continued "...and what else?" The son, thinking he'd caught on, responded "Oh...to get baptized." The father, pressing impatiently now, "...and what else?" Uncomfortable at obviously missing his father's point, the lad finally offered "...to pioneer and go to Bethel???" Dad proudly pronounced his son's theocratic goals "very good." That time I did laugh out loud.
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So many years, too many stories to recall, for which I gratefully sign myself...
AMNESIAN
Edited by - AMNESIAN on 3 December 2002 18:5:37
the middle aged bro who showed u obiviously drunk and reeking of wiskey at the memorial
the same bro family tied to do an intervention via the JC committe and the bro just sat there and denied he had any drinking problem at all
the MS wife who was lifing petty cash from the cong- but she paid it back
the couple who burned a wig out on a back road in the country b/c it was demonized(as confirmed by at least 2 elders)the police stopped them to find out what they were doing
the sis who nearly cleared out her house looking for the garage sale demonized object(s)
the sis who thought people were being zaped into her house via astral travel
to the Bi**h Sis who told my poor old mom (in a nursing home) that bingo was a sin BITE ME
the dumb sis who at a get together wanted us to all join hands and "let our spirits mingle"
Edited by - wednesday on 3 December 2002 23:49:21
One time at a service meeting, there was a demonstration part involving young children talking at the meeting (I can't remember if it was meant to be DURING or AFTER the meeting). They were instructed to make continuous chatter, and that the easiest way to do it would be saying "peas and carrots, peas and carrots, peas and carrots". It worked for a while.
Then partway through the demo, the young children started to get in rhythm. Pretty soon they were chanting "peas and carrots! peas and carrots!" in unison. That pretty much ended the demonstration right there.
This is one of the funniest threads I've ever seen here! You guys have great memories to be able to include so much detail! Die laughing!
Wednesday had written: "a few years back all the elder body were going to Billy Bob's every saturday night. (country westren hall, rowdy)."
I'm wondering if every town has a Billy Bob's, because we have one where I live, down on US 1. Was this in Florida, Wednesday?
My cong must have been totally BORING compared to all these experiences, or either I missed all the action!
Brothers who couldn't READ. Ugh.
Elderly sisters who complained constantly. Ugh.
Disorganized chaos most of the time.
That's basically the way I remember it.
Of course, there were the few "exciting" instances where people would walk right in from off the street, in the middle of a meeting, and start cursing and screaming. Either they were non-JW relatives or just worldlies who hated JWs. It would become totally quiet in the hall until the person walked back out the door, or was hauled out. Usually we would hear later it was somebody's disgrunted worldly-husband or whatever.
There was one elderly pioneer sister who nobody could stomach because she complained and talked incessantly. She had no car, and no way to meetings, and nobody wanted to take her because she would never shut up. It was a constant hassle. So when I moved there, and was in the same neighborhood as she (and feeling guilty, but not wanting to be stuck with her ALL the time either), I made up a rotation chart for those of us in the neighborhood and handed out a copy to each family (about 3 or 4 of us). That way we only got stuck with her one week out of the month. Everyone was so happy about that. Why nobody ever thought of doing that before is beyond me.
Like I said, not too much excitement where I came from, or they kept it well hidden! Sorry I couldn't offer more!
I remember something else I seened
During memorial someone lit up a cigarrete in the hall! When confronted he said "Well that guy over there smokes all the time so why shouldnt I?"...he was pointing to a reg pioneer who eventually got caught and disd for smoking.
Then I seened something else but its real big gossip so wont tell
Bwahahaha to this:
the dumb sis who at a get together wanted us to all join hands and "let our spirits mingle"
Edited by - Brummie on 4 December 2002 23:13:3
Two teenage guys who were a little slow doing an 'interview' type part on the stage, The elder asked them what their goals were... neither could answer, they just sat looking at each other, so the elder starts berating them about not having any spiritual goals and they both start crying... poor boys.
My now husband then teenager turning up stoned to a meeting and realising he had to give a talk with no preparation. He did it anyway and pulled it off and got a very good report from the brother! LOL
Going out in the service with a pioneer sister when I was a teenager and her telling me her younger day stories and how the thing she missed the most was getting stoned, this encouraged me to try my first cone!
A very rich Elder using the Kingdom hall as collateral for a loan then losing all his money and getting D'd and having to pay it back. (He is now reinstated but doing the same things, and they're sposed to have holy spirit!)
I once was in service and found someone washing their car, i said" I wish i were home washing my car" LMOA that is so funny!
